Migraines
The migraines feel somehow worse. The objective measure, however, is that they're getting better. Or at least the time between migraines is getting longer. Last month I had a 4 day span without a migraine. The migraines are still severe enough that I couldn't work on the vast majority of days. Even days when I feel fine are problematic. I've figured out why that is and it's because all I'm doing is avoiding migraine type situations. I stay in my dark room, I keep it fairly quiet, I try to be meek as a mouse.
For instance, I didn't have a migraine Friday, Saturday, Sunday, or this morning. I was feeling fine today. After lunch and a quick shower, I headed out to the store for a quick shop and now I'm feeling the beginning of a migraine. Pain on the left side if of my head, light sensitivity even though it's cloudy out, and I can't get my music to the right volume between quiet enough to not hurt and loud enough to properly hear.
I saw my neurologist on the 29th of February. I explained that I haven't noticed any difference on the Ajovy. I also complained about the stress of my finances, but I'll discuss that below in the finances section. He wanted to continue the Ajovy but since it hadn't had any effect he wanted to move on to the Namenda. That's the anti-dementia drug that wasn't designed for migraine use and has only recently been approved for it. I should get it delivered to me later this week and will titrate it up by one 'pill' per week up to 4 pills a day. Once I've been on that for awhile (I'm thinking a month) I can report if it's helping or not and he can up the dose even more.
Fingers crossed.
Other Health
My neck problem finished up as predicted and has been fine ever since.
My 'cold' is still ongoing though, meaning it's not a cold. I think it's just the next stage of my smoking as it's simply a deep chest cough that brings something up occasionally. No sore throat, no body aches, no headache (that's of course hard to measure), nothing. Just a new cough that sounds so much like other smoker's coughs.
Finances
Yeah, I think I'm fucked.
I saw the independent medical examiner on February 7th. It was an examination that involved him asking me questions and nothing more. He didn't get anything out of the 'examination' that he couldn't have gotten out of the notes from my neurologist.
About two weeks later I got a call from the appeals department. Just to make sure we're all on the same page, the Long Term Disability (LTD) company says I was able to return to work on December 1st and has cut off my LTD since that point. I've appealed it, saying that there's been no change and that I'm still unable to work. The medical examiner claims that I was indeed disabled from December 1st to February 7th (the day of my appointment with him), and that I'm able to return to work as of February 7th because I can work through minor and some moderate migraines and will just need time off for severe ones. Understand, that was true last year too. It's been true since I've had migraines. The problem is that almost all of my migraines are severe.
Because he said I was able to return to work on February 7th, the LTD company is saying that I'm able to return to work and therefore will pay me for the December to February 7th period and then close the claim of disability. I had up to three weeks to provide any further medical information which worked out as I had an appointment already scheduled with my neurologist on February 29th.
At that appointment I discussed what I'd been through and even showed him the neurologist's notes (which the LTD company shared with me). The main point I'd need my neurologist to put forward is that yes, I can work through minor and even some moderate migraines, but I'm having severe migraines on almost all days. That should coincide with the medical examiner neurologist's report and still say that I can stay on the LTD. The following day I read through his notes, and unless he's sending the LTD something different, I don't think I'm going to get it approved to continue. Here's why I think I'm fucked from his notes:
"Continues to have severe psychosocial stressors, feels unable to work, he is trying to get disability though is having significant issues, running through all of his savings. Working with social security. Continues to have brain fog. Diabetes control excellent, denies neuropathic pain, neuropathy stable, no falls sores or ulcerations. Able to handle ADLs with the brain fog"
and
"Calvin brought along an IME report from neurologists in Toledo, reviewed with him, the examiner thought that as he could work through some mild migraines he was not disabled as of February 7th, Calvin disagrees as he has so few mild migraines he still does not feel he can work and continues to have brain fog."
So, let's put that together how I imagine the LTD company will see it. The medical examiner says I can work. My neurologist doesn't disagree and in fact only says that "I" don't think I can work. He says that I am able to handle ADLs (activities of daily living) with the brain fog, which is partially true, and then again says that "I" think working with the brain fog makes it so that I can't work. Basically my neurologist doesn't put up any strong argument against what the medical examiner neurologist says, nor any argument at all. He just says that "I" think I can't work. Oh, and mentioning that I"m running through all of my savings makes it sound like that's why I'm continuing to hit them up for money. It IS an important reason, but I'm hitting them up because I CAN'T FUCKING WORK!!!!!
Hey, maybe his notes to them will be different. But if I were a nurse looking over these notes I'd have to agree that the first doctor says I can't work and the second doctor doesn't directly disagree.
If they cut me off, I'll get about $9000. That, with what I've already pulled out of my 401k should get me by until August or September. I'd then have to pull the rest out of my 401k. Right now that sits at a touch over $46,000. Taxes and fees would mean that's down to around $20,000 and that would get me by for another six months or so. That's a year from now.
Let's play this out. At that point I can sell Tiffany. She's worth about $24,000 now. Looking at the same model just a year older shows Tiffany might be worth around $20,000 in a year. That would get me another six months. That's September of 2025. Obviously, I'd really rather not sell Tiffany. I love her and she's a good asset for me returning to work.
But if I'm not able to return to work by September of 2025, that means I'd have been dealing with these migraines like this for well over two years. I'll have gone through Namenda and the next med (the low dose naloxone). I'm having trouble dealing with my life now, after only a year or so and more hope for a treatment. I won't make it that long. I'm pretty sure at that point, my finances will not be a worry as I just won't be around.
Family/Friends
A couple posts back I told the story of my brother B getting his new car. Well, it finally ended and he picked his new car up. It's a beaut, which shouldn't come as a surprise as I liked that look when I had Isabella. I was really hoping he'd try out the plug in hybrid part, but it looks like the plugs in his garage are bad. It shows a fault and his car won't charge. It works as a hybrid, meaning it gets much better gas mileage than his previous cars, but it never has enough charge to drive on electricity alone. He's going to have an electrician over to fix it up and I'm sure I'll talk more about it later.
Other than that, nothing to report on Family or Friends.
Entertainment
My brother R had recently pointed out that YouTube Premium had the ability to play games now. These are simple games that were on Android or iOS, but he was playing them on his desktop. I'd classify all of them as 'time wasters'. Well... I have plenty of time to waste so I finally took a look. Most of the games are frustrating when I can't think straight, but one in particular caught my interest. Farm Land. I got addicted to it. The only problem is that it took me all of about a week to 'finish' the game. Frustratingly, if you play it on Android or iOS it never really ends. You open up 'new' areas and more or less start over. But on those versions, it's full of micro transactions. There's a version for the Nintendo Switch and it's fully playable... and that's where I knew I had a problem. I actually considered buying a Nintendo Switch just to play this game. A Switch Lite goes for $200, but let's face it I'd have gotten the Switch OLED for $350. Then this game for $15.
I knew if I kept thinking about this, I'd end up buying a switch to keep playing it so I started searching for something else to scratch that itch. And I found it. Whenever you search for 'farm simulator' games, there are tons of recommendations for Stardew Valley. It looked like something I could play while I have a migraine, so I went ahead and got it. It's certainly not my standard kind of game, but when I first booted it up to just 'try it out' I ended up spending almost 5 hours in it.
Yeah, I think I'm going to put a lot of time into this damned time waster.
New Tech
And yes, I'm still considering a Nintendo Switch as Stardew Valley scratches a different itch than Farm Land.
One bit of new tech that I got was a new 'security' camera. We have a 'Google Home' home. Google Home's are in my Mom's room, my room, the living room, and the dining room. I have a battery powered water proof Google Home for the shower too plus all of our phones connect to the Google Home service. We have a Google Home lock on the door, a Google Home doorbell, and two Google Home cameras on the outside of the house. A couple years ago I wanted to get another camera so that I could see the washing and drying machines. You see, our washer and dryer aren't on timers. They are done with a particular load whenever the machines say they're done. When I do a load of jeans, they are sometimes done in twenty minutes, and other times take over an hour. Well, for me to walk from my room, through the living room, through the dining room, through the kitchen, down the stairs, and halfway across the basement just to see that they still need 'at least' another half hour is beyond frustrating. So a camera that I could log into would fix that.
Now, the Google camera that plugs in costs $100 and I really didn't want to spend $100 when there were several companies making security cameras for $25. The only problem was that it wouldn't be part of Google Home. I'd have to use another piece of software to look at the camera. Not bad, but not ideal. I've had a Blink camera in the basement for a couple years now. The two big problems are the plug and the software. The plug is problematic as the only plug that's near where I want it is connected to the lights. In other words, when the light is off, it turns the camera off. So sometimes I'll go to peek at the washer and dryer and get nothing. Then I have to walk from my room, through the living room, through the dining room and into the kitchen just to turn the light back on. The software itself is... well, it's kind of janky. It really REALLY wants me to sign up for and pay for their additional security service so that it can record and keep the recordings for a long time. And there's no "Hey, this is just a convenience for me to look at the washer and dryer camera and I therefore have no need for any security features whatsoever, button".
But overall it worked fine. Until last month. It's sometimes not get logged into the wifi. It'd sometimes not get logged into the software. For $25, it hasn't done that bad, but it's time to replace it. At the time I bought it, no other cameras than the Google ones would work with Google Home, but that's now different. So, I looked for a more reputable camera that's battery powered that would work with Google home. Of course, my first thought was the Google camera itself. The wired one was $100, so the wireless one should be $150... right? No. It costs $180. If there were no other cameras that'd work with Google Home, I'd probably have gone for it, but there ARE other choices and I found the right one this morning. An Arlo Essential 1 2nd Generation outdoor battery powered camera. The big dig against Arlo is that their security software is expensive monthly, but it'll still hook up for live views via Google Home without paying anything extra.
It'll get delivered tomorrow, just in time for laundry day.
Writing
Since my last update I've completely stopped playing at LiL. I finished Gamer Gurl and published it to Fictionmania, and have started writing It's A Man's World at CHYOA, but that's only on it's fourth chapter so far. I'll either get another chapter out this evening or tomorrow.
Format and clean install of Windows
One last thing. In my quest for that damned farm game, I found it available for PC from a very sketchy looking website. I figured it was the Android version and an Android emulator, so I tried downloading it. Halfway through the process, I realized it was setting up a virtual machine. Yeah, major MAJOR sketchiness, so I stopped installing it and deleted everything.
Well, something went wrong. I did quick virus and malware scans and couldn't find anything, but my rig was still running like shit. Even to the point that sometimes Photoshop couldn't open files and that video files wouldn't play online. So it was time for a format and a clean install of Windows.
I do this often enough that it's become old hat. I've used a two hard drive system for so long that it's really easy. The things I need to back up on my primary drive, the one that's going to get formatted, are 'My Documents' 'My Music' 'My Pictures' and a few various programs and settings. Backing them up from one drive to the other takes all of twenty minutes.
When I was finally ready to proceed on Sunday morning, I downloaded Windows 11 Pro from the Microsoft site and set up an installation USB drive. I booted off that drive, went through the basic process including formatting the drive, and installed Windows 11 Pro. With a clean install, my next step is always to download all of the Windows updates and then update the drivers. While all of those are downloading and installing I go through and personalize the rig. Get the resolution right, setup my lock screen how I like it, set up my background... stuff like that. But this was the first time since Windows 7 that I came across a problem.... it said I needed to activate Windows.
I'm not one of those privacy hounds that refuses to give Microsoft or Google any information. I log into Windows with my Microsoft account so that all of my activations codes are associated with my account. I shouldn't need the actual product number. But maybe it was different this time because I was using a Falcon Northwest computer. Maybe they ran it a little different. So, I put their recovery USB drive into the computer and... wow, it was quite complicated. Even when I booted to it, it was using a program that I wasn't necessarily familiar with. Not wanting to mess up my computer or their USB drive, I booted back into windows and went on a search for the Windows 11 Pro number that would have had to come with my computer. After not finding it in any email or electronic form, I went into the basement and found the original packaging.
The first thing that caught my eye was the folder the computer came with. It had all the steps taken to build the computer, all the stress tests they gave it, and most importantly at this point, a list of everything they included in the box. And yes, they included a Windows 11 Pro DVD. I laughed it off figuring they needed to update their paperwork as there's no way they'd include an actual DVD.... right?
Nope, they included a Windows 11 Pro DVD for my computer that not only doesn't have an optical disc drive of any kind, it doesn't have an internal slot FOR one! It'd still suit my purpose though as the DVD did have the Windows product code and that's honestly all I needed.
Another sheet of paper in the folder though was an instruction set on how to use the USB recovery media. Falcon Northwest is very customized and they did a LOT to the system to make it hum along as fast as it does. If i used their media, I'd get all of that customization again in addition to Windows already being activated. So fuck it, I re did the process using their media.
The Windows format and install from Microsoft took all of twenty minutes. The 'Recovery' from Falcon Northwest (including a format) took two hours. But at the end of it, I had the system looking like it did when I first booted it up, including my name already set up. At that point it's Windows updates, driver updates, installing my programs, setting up windows, and then moving over my data from the hard drive.
One of the first things I set up was Microsoft One Drive. As soon as you're logged in, it starts putting the files back. I actually point my 'My Documents' and such folders to it, so that they're always backed up. And it hit me then... One Drive automatically backs up all the files I back up myself. In fact, the last time I went through this, it was a major pain when I moved my files back from my own backup as One Drive initially looked at them as files to back up again all while downloading my files as second copies. So, this time I just let One Drive do it's magic. It took a few hours, but by Sunday evening I had all my files back without restoring them from my own backup.
It's amazing how much modern tech and internet speeds have changed things. I remember it taking hours to back up everything on my computer, and then hours to put it all back again. It was most of a full day just to do that, let alone setting up Windows or install any new programs. This time, even after installing Windows then going through the Falcon Northwest version of installing windows, I still had the system fully up and running by evening. The only things I didn't get installed were my games and that's only because Steam and Ubisoft and Epic all hog the entire internet bandwidth we have. If I were alone, that'd be fine, but I share this Internet pipe with Mom and R and they both had their connections slow to an absolute crawl. So, those games are downloading as I write this up and will be ready later.
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