Migraines are back

God, I didn't want to write this post. 

Depression - Medicated

I never really thought I'd be able to compare being depressed with and without medications... but here we are.  

A Spoonful of Sugar

I was talking to my therapist the other day and came to the conclusion that two things are upsetting me right now.  The job search, which has its own series of posts here (and I might make another short one later), and my medical issues.  As it feels like a lot of medical issues have come up lately, I figured it deserved its own post in addition to the normal 'update' post.  So...

Get To Work Part 1 - Get To Work Bitch!

A wise philosopher once opined; You wanna?  You want a Bugatti?  Sip martinis?  You wanna live fancy?  Live in a big mansion?  Bring it on, ring the alarm, don't stop now, just be the champion, work it hard, like it's your profession, watch out now, 'cause here it comes.... You Better Work Bitch!

Sexual Desire and Writing

Wasn't it Joni Mitchel that said you don't know what you got 'til it's gone?  Or was that Linkin Park?  Or Monica?  Or... okay, I'm sure it was a cool lyric, but I'm talking about me and... I guess sexual desire?  It's complicated.  A quick warning, this is personal.  If you're a regular reader here, then you've read stuff like this before, but if you're just interested in my writing stuff, this might get more personal that you thought you'd read.  It's going to talk about my sexuality, my sexual experiences, masturbation, and sexual energy.  If you don't want to know about those things in relations to me, then stop and go read Just Dance or Gamer Gurl or something else.  If you do want to know about how this all comes together... step inside a trip into my mind and soul. 

Migraines and my Future!

I saw my new neurologist yesterday and it was the best visit I've had with a medical professional in years!

Ready to be Ready

I had this feeling yesterday.  A feeling that I was waiting for something.  At first I thought it was just the fact that I'd slept for over 24 hours, but the more consideration I gave it, the more I realized it was something way more than sleepiness attention.  I was ready to be ready.  Let me explain.  

Depression

Depression is a technical, psychological, medical diagnosis.  Therefore I as a person and I as a nurse cannot state that I am experiencing Depression.  That being said, having worked as a nurse specifically in several psychological areas and having dealt with the differences of diagnosing someone with depression vs having them be sad or grieving or mourning, I'm fairly comfortable stating:

I am depressed.  Severely depressed.  

My first trip to the ER

I don't believe many people can escape having to visit the emergency room during their lifespan.  At 50 years old though, I had a pretty good run going, especially with as bad as my migraines have been, and I was hoping I'd get into my 60s or 70s with no need of an ER trip.  Whelp... that's done! 

Medium Term - Get paid?

Now I need to work on a Medium Term Plan. 

Short Term Plan - Quit

Short term is done.   Now I need to move on to medium term.  

Hurt

 The story we write about ourselves is always magical, even if it's dull.  Right?  We'll live on.  We won't get cancer.  We won't grow weak.  We'll find love and we'll keep love.  Our lives will just go well.  The good chapters are long while the bad chapters are short.  Well, I think I found out that my story isn't that of a hero.  It's a tragedy and I've entered the last few chapters.  The ones where I hurt.  

I watched mom die

 This is one of those strange narratives where the 'peak' of the story isn't the end.  I kind of feel like I'm currently living through the epilogue of this story because 'I watched my mother die' really can't be topped.  I guess I should start there... I watched my mom die on the morning of May 1st, 2023.  As of now, May 6th, she's still alive, but I did watch her die.  To understand all of that we'll have to travel backwards and then take it in chronological order.  

Covid Redux

Yeah, I got COVID-19 again.  Maybe.  Thankfully, whether I have COVID or not, this time it's mild.  

Migraine: More Than A Headache

 It occurs to me that while I talk a lot about migraines to many people, I haven't laid out the entirety of them to anyone.  Including myself.  Not even my two doctors (my general practitioner and my neurologist) have this full history and symptom set.  And as I haven't laid this out myself, I practically have to start from the beginning and think about it each time I try to tell someone about it.  That's really REALLY hard when I'm in the middle of a migraine.  

Fair warning, I am currently in the middle of a migraine so this might come out as garbage.  It also might simply serve as a framework that I'll come back and edit.  But for now... lets do this! 

Drug Costs

 I got this random email the other day from my pharmacy.  I use a mail pharmacy so that I don't actually have to go and get my drugs from a physical location each month.  It helps that they deliver meds in 3 month supplies.  Anyway, I got an email from them that directed me to look at my claim details.  I've always been a little curious as to what things 'cost' medically.  OH MY FUCKING GOD!!!!

Work is Hell

I have to wonder how much of me changing jobs is a desire to do something new and how much is a growing dismay at my current predicament.  This week was fucking hell at work and I swear I haven't thought this much about quitting a job in years.  

Who am/was I?

"I don't even have a concept of who I was back then."  That's something I heard in a podcast I like to listen to that's really stuck with me.  It got me thinking... who was I back in 2010?  Let's take a look and see. 

Winter Beater Car Shopping and more updates

 I'm home!  I hurt my back.  I have prescription toothpaste.  And I'm car shopping again 

Moving Back Home

Yeah, you read that right.  I'm moving back home.