You see, my brother is currently sleeping upstairs. My brother normally sleeps up there as it's his room, but that's my older brother R. We've lived together with Mom since Dad passed away. R is up north having a fun winter weekend (they have about 10 inches on the ground right now!). The brother sleeping upstairs is my younger brother B.
Before I get to deep on this, I should say that my view is very opinionated. I'll try to keep it in check, but I just don't like my sister in law.
B met his future wife, M, in high-school. They were boyfriend and girlfriend for a long while and eventually got married in 1996. At first, my family tolerated, liked, and in our own way even loved M. If nothing else, she was the love of B so she had to be good for us too. But that relationship soured over the years. I can't necessarily put my finger on why, but I know it was bad before the example I'll give in a moment.
In a matter of several years B and M had three children. My niece and two nephews. They're all just about adults right now as my niece A is in and out of college at 21 years old, my nephew J is out of high-school (dropped out) at age 18, and my nephew Z is in high school and should (may?) graduate in a year or two (he's 16, I think).
B and M have been through financial ups and downs. Neither of them attended college. B had a job at McDonald's while in high-school that he transferred into a career. For years he was THE store manager in our town. At the time we had 7 McDonald's and 6 of them were owned by the one franchisee. So whenever a store was under-performing, B was sent in to clean it up and right the ship. M worked at various fast food places to bring in extra money, but I seem to remember her bouncing from job to job without ever growing past the floor employee status. B and M bought a mobile home and were living in a nicer mobile home park, but over the years the park just went down hill. It doesn't help that each month they were paying more in lot rent than in a mortgage, so that after 10 years they owed FAR more on the mobile home than it was ever worth.
B had an unfortunate run in with a regional manger and when push came to shove, the franchise owner chose the regional manager over B. So B was without a job. B had his pride, so he didn't tell his family (Dad, Mom, me, R) for a long while. Eventually he landed on his feet as a manager at a... uniform company? I'm not really sure what their specialty was, but he managed a team of drivers who went business to business picking up dirty uniforms, towels, rags, entry carpets, and all other manner of goods before bringing them back and cleaning them. That was repeated on a weekly, bi-weekly, or monthly basis depending on the business.
M continued on with her less than good jobs.
I think it's sometime around here, when B got the job at this uniform company, that they moved out of their mobile home in a way that would destroy his credit. He just moved out. He left the mortgage behind, he didn't pay any more lot rent... he just left. I know he set up his home rental before that made him more or less untouchable for credit, and he's been in that house ever since. Although even that stability has been put to the est more than once.
B lasted several years at the uniform company, but eventually he was being ordered to push his drivers beyond a reasonable amount and he quit and/or got fired. This is the one time that I think M may have actually stood up and did a good thing.. she got a good job. She got a job at a local factory that's always been looked at as one of the regions best manual labor jobs. It's with a good company, it's clean, it pays well, and it has copious amounts of overtime. And she put in her overtime as she was now the breadwinner.
B eventually got a job at KMart with the idea of working his way up to management, and he got into that a bit... but the pay was bad, the road to store manager was full of pitfalls, and lets face it... it was KMart. That store, even back then, didn't exactly scream security and longevity. That's about the time that I started working there as a shelf stocker while going to nursing school.
You may note that there aren't a lot of years or times in this story. That's because I get most of this information second hand. I don't know exactly when events occurred, and I'm not sure what order they occurred in. So maybe M got her good job earlier, or maybe she got it later. Maybe B was at Kmart longer or they left their mobile home earlier. Regardless, these are all things that happened.
B, seeing that the KMart job just wasn't going to work out took his big leap. He entered the class at a local casino and became a dealer. I know that M had her factory job at the time as B took his time to take the class and then get a job part time. The hourly pay was terrible as it was on an Indian reservation. That means they didn't have to pay minimum wage, so B only got like $5 an hour. BUT he and all the other dealers pooled their tips and split them up based on the hours worked. Most weeks B was making about $25 an hour and there are weeks he makes upwards of $40 an hour. And yes, I know I just spun that into the present tense as B still works at the Casino. Part time.
I guess this is where I need to cover the two events that changed everything. The first is sometime before M got her job in the factory. Her and B didn't have a lot of money and she found something that she really wanted to get B for a combination Christmas and Birthday gift (B is born in March, but close enough, right?). She borrowed the money from Mom, telling her that she'd pay it back with their tax returns in January. She just wanted to keep it quiet so that B wouldn't know she was getting him such an expensive gift. No, I don't remember what the gift was. And no, I don't remember the exact amount. I know it was more than $500 as that's an amount Mom would practically give her kids if they asked. My gut tells me it was $5000, but that seems awfully high. So let's say it was $2500... a lot of money, but a loan that was doable.
Well, the money turned out to not be a gift for B. It was money for M's own mother who was about to lose her house. I think it went to back taxes or mortage payments or something like that. You see, both B's Dad (my Father) and M's Dad had both passed away at this point. But where my Dad set Mom up for life with his retirement, social security, and sweet ass military retiree health benefits (seriously, she pays nothing for health care between medicare and tri-care. NOTHING!), M's Dad left his wife in nothing but debt. He tried several methods of getting money as he was passing away (he had Cancer and was 'dying' for about a year), but they didn't work out and more or less backfired. They left M's mom in serious debt and she's still working to this day even though she's as old as my Mom. So far as I know, she won't have the opportunity to stop working... she's that hard up.
B was furious that M took advantage of my Mom. Mom, to her credit, didn't tell R or I about this for several years as we'd have been even more furious. I'm sure B's love for his wife tempered his rage at having his mother taken advantage of where R and I didn't have any such obstacle. From that point on, however, M was an outsider as far as R and I were concerned. She was a person to be tolerated and nothing more. Her only advantages is that she was the mother of my Mom's grandchildren and therefore had sway over something my Mom wanted... visits from her grandkids. Mom also trusted M a lot less, but again the situation with the grandkids meant my mom HAD to trust M.
Then M did it again. She took my Mom for money. Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. My mom felt really bad that she let it happen and told M that there was no way she was going to get more money from her. That if their family was hard up for money, even if it were for the grandkids, that the request had to come from B himself.
So, M fooled B on several occasions.
Understand, Mom isn't wealthy by any means. She still lives off her social security and Dad's retirement. She is just set up financially so that the only money she spends is money she chooses to spend. She could afford the car I'm buying for her... but honestly I want her to have it more than she wants to spend money on it. Plus she has the gene that my Dad and my brother R got in spades... that saving a dollar is far FAR better than spending a dollar. Where R has about $20,000 saved away, I have about $7,000 in credit card debt and a savings of $500 (and that $500 came from the bonus in my last check!). So Mom always has some money socked away, plus she's had a line of credit on the house ever since she had to buy the new furnace and air conditioner. But damn it... that's Mom's money and not M's to get.
So basically, trust in M fell through the basement for R, Mom, and I.
Then there was the accident. Several years ago B and M were in a bad car accident. They got T-Boned bad enough that their Chevy Traverse was totaled. M had some back pain afterward, but everybody figured it was just the spinal equivalent of whiplash and that it would get better.
It didn't get better. And yes, there's a little part of me that wonders if she's lying about the pain she's in. Knowing the procedures she's gone through to deal with the pain tells me as a nurse that she's not lying. The procedures are painful themselves and include surgery. But did she milk it beyond what her pain level truly was? I think so. B and M together sued the guys insurance company and got a settlement for pain and suffering and they spent that money on a new second car. They had a brand new $60,000 loaded Chevy Traverse and a nice $25,000 Chevy Cruze.
Anway, the accident was 5 years ago and it was the financial downfall of B's family. Remember, she was the breadwinner. She was making between $15 and $20 an hour and sometimes working over 80 hours a week. She was bringing in far more money than I was as a nurse starting out. But the back pain at first cut into her overtime. Then cut into her job. Then made her take weeks off at a time. Then cost her the job. Then when she eventually found another part time job, it cost her that job. Then another job.
In the meantime, B and M were used to spending money. They took annual trips to Vegas or Disney World. They'd take long weekend trips up to various casinos and to nearby cities for comedy clubs. They bought nicer new cars and had two cars for their family. They had the biggest, baddest TV set up with a cable and internet package to match it.
But over this time period the trips slowed and then stopped. The weekend trips stopped. The comedy clubs stopped. The TV was still there and so was the internet and cable bill, but I honestly believe that's because they were in a long term contract. Then their Chevy Traverse got repossessed. Then they almost got kicked out of their house because of back rent. Then their cell phones almost got shut off because of lack of payment (that would be the phones for B, M, A, J, and Z). Mom of course stepped up and caught them up on their rent and stepped up to get their phones turned back on... but six months later the problems came back. Mom got them out of hock, but told B that this was the 'last time'. It was supposed to be tough love.
Then a couple months ago they were again on the verge of getting kicked out. B told mom that he had been trusting M on making payments, but that she hadn't actually been making them. So while he thought he was on track, he was actually falling behind. He promised that he wouldn't trust her again and that he'd manage their money, so Mom bailed him out again.
And then this past week happened.
Before I get into this week and the present moment, let me just pause and say that I love my brother. While I don't think he's completely innocent in all of this... he could have worked full time, he could have worked up to a better paying job, he could have cut his spending... I do think that the love he had for his wife blinded him to the situation. This may have been a very bad 5 years for him and his family but they were doing okay before that. They knew how to live life and enjoy the moments. It's just that slow financial collapse will wear on anybody and has made me bitter about it the whole thing... even though it's not happening to me.
This past week I heard that B's Cruze had been repossessed. Remember the Traverse was long gone at this point and, as far as I knew then, the Cruze was paid for in cash (not an actual briefcase full of cash, but it was bought outright and paid off). Well it seems that a couple years ago B had taken out a loan on the car in an attempt to get back upright. That was before he lost the Traverse, so this was quite awhile ago.
The previous week it was almost repossessed, but B pulled together $700 for pack pay and could start regular payments again with no leeway. It was a fairly busy week for B so he gave M this weeks payment of $250... and she didn't make the payment. At 3 AM on Tuesday they came and towed the car away.
My brother, with four people living in his house, all of them reliant on that car to get them to their part time jobs, now had no transportation. And, from what I understand, that was the last straw.
I haven't talked to B about this specifically. I've talked to him through Mom and told him I'd help him out however I could, but I knew it was bad when he considered coming over to stay the night with us one day. He'd already told us the last time he was close to leaving M that if he ever left for a night that it would likely be permanent. So him even considering coming over meant that he was considering leaving his wife.
The next day I heard that the plan was in place. B was going to pack up their house and put all of their things into storage. M and the kids were going to live with her mother while he was going to move in here with Mom, R, and I. Last night he finished cleaning out the house (M and my neice A stayed a last night there on a couch and mattress they're leaving behind), and got here around 11:30 at night. I helped him get settled in R's room so he had a bed to sleep on. R gets back Tuesday afternoon, but I'll be leaving on my vacation then so he'll have my bed to sleep in until I get back next week. But then we're going to have a space problem.... we don't have 4 beds!
After posting the update on October 27th we finally got a dumpster/roll-off and emptied out the basement. We literally threw away 2 beds including frames, box springs, and mattresses as well as three big televisions. Two of the TVs were old CRTs, but the other was a 50 inch plasma that while it was 12 years old and only 720p would still be a great second TV for B to use.
Short term, I need to find out what B is doing. Is he separated form his wife, or is this just a way for them to save up money and get ahead of their bills? I mean I could easily see where they wouldn't have room for him at his mother in law's house... but at the same time that doesn't make sense as if they had room for M, they'd have room for B. Is he looking to get a divorce? Two of his kids are adults and should be able to care for themselves, while the other is in high-school. Child support would only last a couple years. I'm not even sure there would be alimony as he only works part time and SHE used to be the breadwinner.
Is he going to be here for a couple weeks? A couple months? Or is he looking for a long term solution?
Short term, no matter what, we're going to have to get him a bed. When I get back he can't just sleep indefinitely on the couch. I mean, at the very least there's everybody's sleep habits to think of. He stays up late and gets up late. When we were all kids two of us stayed in the large room that's currently R's, but he's..... well R isn't the most accommodating person in the world. So I imagine I'll have to move up there with B. But neither of us is going to like that. I like my privacy and so does B. B is used to being king of his whole house where I'm used to being King of my own room. Neither of those things will be true any more.
So... I've now been looking at apartments. B and I could get a place of our own for about $900 a month plus utilities. I think that B could afford his half of that. And I'd have to trust him on that as his credit has to be well and truly fucked. This apartment is going to go under my name and likely my name alone. And to be honest, I'm not even sure what that will look like since I'm on the line for so much now. I have an $800 a month car payment. A $300 a month car payment for R's Grand Cherokee (he couldn't get credit either). I have my student loans currently at $420 a month. Plus I pay for Mom's $300 a month car payment.
I'd have to cut out paying Mom $250 in rent every month. I'd have to not pay her $100 for the cable/internet bill each month as I'd need to pay that for my own cable/internet. And even then, I'd have to cut back on some of my spending. It's not like I can't do that. I looked at my spreadsheet and I spend an average of $400 a month on Amazon each month PLUS $400 in other spending. Pare down the eating out and put that into real food, and stop buying $300 watches, $1000 iPads, $100 iPad cases, and $1000 phones (Pixel 4 XL Baby!). Instead of finding an art lamp for $120, I can get the same $20 one everybody else gets.
But I'd do that to help out B. And it would be nice to have a place of my own again. I haven't had my own apartment (living with R over by Detroit) since 2006.
But then there's the whole reason I'm still here at all. Mom. I'm here to help out mom. If this were a matter of helping out a friend, I'd have to politely decline as I'll always help out family over a friend. BUT... is me staying here and helping mom in her every day tasks as valuable as helping my brother B get back up on his feet?
I just don't know. And I'm afraid I'm not going to know until I talk to B. Wish me luck.
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