Gotta Get Away

I don't think I ever truly realized just how restorative a vacation can be until now.  As a child it was just a time to get away and experience new things.  Those new things might just be seeing the road go by from the backseat of the family station wagon, but it was new road going by.  As a kid, my family always took a vacation.  Similar to the 'tick tock' upgrade cycle of the iPhones, every other year would be a 'big' vacation (think Disney World or California or New York City), and in between it would be smaller vacations like Cedar Point or the Upper Peninsula.  I really can't call it restorative at that age, however, as at that age I had like zero stress.  I'm not saying children can't have stress, but I was in good health, my family was in good health, my family loved each other, and my parents were still married.


So let's not look at vacations I took with my family.  We stopped doing those when I was 20 and we went to Vegas (and trust me on this, Vegas SUCKS when you're 20 as you can't go onto the gambling floor where the booze flows freely).  While I like to travel, I can't say that I've taken a lot of vacations between that tender age of 20 and the recent past.  There were a few trips to Chicago.  There was a trip to Minneapolis for a friend's wedding.  There was another couple trips to northern Michigan for a few weddings that I officiated.  And finally there was a vacation to Washington DC that I took with a friend (E).

I had some stress in my life during those times, but not like I have now.  I guess I can list out the stressful times in my life as most were fairly short lived:

• When I went up to Ferris State University to study Pre-Optometry and found out midway through the second semester that I wanted to be a photographer instead.  I was poor, living away from home, and failing just about every class I was in because I knew they wouldn't transition to photography.  This stress stopped when I left school at semester's end and started photography school.
• When I was living in Chicago and trying to work as a photographer.  That was for one full year.  The initial stress of getting a job and making a living as an assistant photographer never went away as I never succeeded in that first task.  I was beyond dirt poor as I stopped paying for my car (it was a loan from my grandfather), had a cell phone company come after me for signing a contract and then never paying on it, defaulted on two credit cards, and almost missed rent every month.  This stress ended when I moved back 'home'.  
• When I realized that working as a partner in a computer business wasn't going to work out (my car died and I couldn't scratch enough money together to get it fixed, so therefore couldn't even drive into work), I was experiencing a lot of stress.  That stress lasted a couple months and ended when I gave up on the business and started working as an event photographer.  
• When my father was diagnosed with cancer.  That stress turned into grief and hasn't ever left me.  It's just simply become my new reality.  
• Going into nursing school was stressful only because I had shitty jobs and was basically a student all over again... living with Mom and having her pay my bills.  The stressful part was after graduation and not being able to pass the test and then not being able to get a job.  That stress ground me into honest to god depression and suicidal thoughts.  But when I got the job... poof, the stress was just gone.  
• Working as a nurse is a whole new type of stress.  My every day job as a floor nurse (I have to now separate that from being a nurse manager) is to keep people alive.  Oh sure, a lot of it is handing out meds and taking care of sprained ankles, but I was the first person to be called when there was a possible heart attack, stroke, or other medical emergency.  One wrong move on my part could lead to permanent damage or even death.  While most of this stress went away at the end of the day, it did slowly build up. 
• Finally now.  Working as a nurse manager.  I don't believe I've ever experienced stress like this.  I have a list of things to get done each and every day, and each and every day I don't get that list done.  I am constantly, CONSTANTLY, triaging what absolutely needs to be done and putting off what doesn't need to be finished in that very moment.   This stress comes home with me, this stress builds up to massive levels, lasts through days off and weekends off and even through smaller vacations (think long weekends).  

So there I am at the last point.  Nurse manager with a lot of stress.  When I was friends with An, it wasn't TOO bad.  I'd visit him once or twice a month (more during football season) and every season or so we'd take a short vacation nearby.  Detroit, Grand Rapids, Chicago, Kalamazoo.  It wasn't a lot, but it was like pulling the tea pot off the burner for a few moments.. .it's enough to stop it from screaming and possibly blowing up.  

But since I 'broke up' with An.... well I don't have a vacation buddy any longer.  I might be able to travel with my brother, but he has a family and has financial problems of his own.  Plus, while we're similar in many ways, my idea of vacation time isn't his idea.  I want to hit up cultural events, bars, drink until I'm black out drunk, drive longer distances, and stay/eat/relax in extravagance.  He wants to hit McDonald's, fly coach, stay in a cheap motor lodge, and go to casinos.  

There's my new girl friend J (Not 'girlfriend' just a friend who is a girl).  We've gone on three very short trips now and hung out a couple more times.  The one trip I'd almost consider vacation like would be driving down to Columbus.  It was under the pretense of seeing a show (the show sucked), but we also ate at some nice places, explored the new 'in' area of Columbus and hit up their perfectly wonderful art museum.  We drove down, stayed the night, and drove back the next afternoon.  The other trips were all accomplished in a single day like hitting the Henry Ford museum in Dearborn and walking around my hometown downtown to see the art they're putting on the walls of buildings (it's really quite amazing!).  The problem with looking at her as a vacation buddy is she doesn't really eat or drink a lot (more on that in a bit), she's very timid about what she wants, and I still can't shake the thought that she's looking at these as dates.  To be clear, I'm not looking at them as dates, just hanging out with a good friend (yes... I may be the one putting HER in the friend zone!). 

I'm vexed on her not eating or drinking.  At first I thought it was just to look more girly in front of me.  She'd peck at her food and then offer the majority of it to me.  She'd order a tasty adult beverage, then sip on it while I have three.  Then she admitted to me a bit ago why she's like that.  When I met her she was... bigger.  I never really considered her out of shape, but she was certainly 'big'.  She's tall and in my mind carried her weight well (she told me how much she weighed and she was certainly up there, even for her height).  She didn't like that so she got a gastric sleeve put in.  That's when they put a band around the middle of your stomach so you quite literally can't eat much,  With that installed, and without forcing the remainder of your stomach to stretch, you're guaranteed to lose weight.  So, she wasn't being shy or nervous or girly... she just couldn't eat.  

I am all for people feeling good about themselves and losing weight to be healthy is great... but she's downright skinny now.  She admits she did it for looks.  Sure, she feels better about herself now, but... damn it, that's vain.  If you ask me, she was more attractive before.  

While on vacations I like to eat extravagantly... and she really can't do that.  Sure, she can go to a nice restaurant and enjoy the foot, but I feel bad about that being a focus of mine.  Seriously, I'm planning out meals DAYS in advance.  And even a little thing like beer.... she told me that she prefers good beer.  Good beer to her is Michelob.  <shiver>  I don't think ANY major brewer makes good beer and LOVE to explore local brew pubs.  

And finally there's her timidness.  I have a fairly big personality when I'm comfortable with someone and I AM comfortable with J.  I plan out what I want to do and figure if you don't want to do it, you'll speak up.  And when I ask what you want to do, it's because I'm genuinely interested in what you want to do.  Her answer is constantly "Oh I don't care... why don't you pick".  

So.... I'm not sure she's going to make a good vacation buddy.  Honestly, there isn't anybody else nearby that can qualify.  An, my former friend, is also still trying to either piss me off or make up.  I think it depends on how much he has imbibed recently.  

So for vacations that leaves my two best friends.  A and E.  We went to New Orleans a couple years ago and it was an honest blast.  Not perfect by any means  as New Orleans, it turns out, is a nasty city!  I also had a migraine one one of the evenings and had to stay in the hotel room.  And did I mention that being on the gulf and the big muddy it took the 95 degree temperature and topped it off with 3000% humidity?  I did?  Well I'll mention it again because IT SUCKS!  

Anywho, even through all that suck, I loved that vacation.  The only thing it lacked was a good long drive.  I even tried to get E, who lives in San Francisco, to fly into Chicago where I could pick him up and drive down to NOLA together.  But that would have taken an extra day and he couldn't really afford that.  

I do visit A fairly often.  Once or twice a year.  He lives in Dallas and it's a comfortable two day drive down and back, so visiting with him and his family for a few days is a good week-long vacation.  I can also fly down for a 'shorter' vacation that gives me the same stay with him and his family.  I last drove down in March of this year.  While visiting him, we started the conversation of what we (He, E, and I) were going to do for our next vacation.  We started with thoughts of Puerto Rico and were close to pulling the trigger when E lost his job.  He now couldn't travel.  

Hey... did I ever mention that I have never been to San Francisco as an adult?  And did I ever mention that A has never been to San Francisco?  No?  Well we immediately started planning a trip to go visit E in his current hometown.  The hard part was getting our schedules in line.  Mine is fairly easy so long as I have about 6 weeks notice.  I don't need to 'ask' for the time off so long as the other nurse managers are working.  But as we get closer to 'now' someone is always taking time off.  So 6 weeks out, I'm golden.  3 weeks out and I'm screwed.  A is almost the opposite.  He can ask, but he doesn't get a good idea until about 3 weeks out.  So we almost went in early June.  Then late June.  Then July.  Then early August.  Then Labor Day.  Then early October.  

I finally put my foot down.  I looked through google flights and figured out that cheaper flights were available just after veteran's day.  So I told work that I was taking over a week off then worked on A.  I told him I had it off and we needed to go then... and it worked!  He's finally agreed and just the other night I bought the airline tickets (First Class Baby!).  

God, I really need this vacation.  I'm going to combine just about everything in and have plenty of time away from work.  I didn't necessarily plan this completely out, but it works perfectly.  The plan I had was drive down to Dallas, fly from there to San Fran as flights are so much cheaper from Dallas that I'll still save money considering gas and a hotel, stay there for three days, fly back to Dallas, visit with A and his family for a day, then drive back.  I'd take a day to unpack, do laundry, and 'rest' before heading back to work.  And since we wanted to be there over the weekend to help A with taking days off, we planned the flight to leave on Thursday (he actually planned on Friday but I pushed him for the extra day!) so I'd drive down Tuesday and Wednesday.  We'd fly back Sunday, then drive back Monday and Tuesday.  Wednesday off for 'rest' then back to work on Thursday.  

But this is after veteran's day.  So I already get that Monday off.  Monday is of course preceded by the weekend which I also get off.  So I'll leave work on Friday November 8th, and not be back until the 21st.  Nice.  Oh, and guess what the next week has.  That's right!  Thanksgiving!  So I'll work the 21st and 22nd before taking the weekend off.  Then I'll work 25th, 26th, and 27th before having four more days off!  

Between November 8th and December 2nd I'm going to work a grand total of 5 days with a weekend breaking them up!  Between starting to write this post on October 13th and today I also had to schedule a bunch of training at work.  It turns out that this coming week I'll be training for our new documentation software for 2 days.  And then when I get back to work after thanksgiving, I'll start out with another 2 days of training.  So between October 28th and December 2nd I'll be working at the facility for 13 days instead of the normal 27!  That should be enough time to get away from the work mindset and reset all the switches in my head from "STRESSED" to "normal".

It just can't come soon enough as I feel like I'm ready to pop.  To be honest, before I started writing this I just assumed that my last bigger vacation was July last year when E and I visited in Chicago.  I hadn't realized that I drove down to Dallas just seven months ago.  That's how much the stress is building up in me.  Hell, in between Dallas and now was Columbus and the Henry Ford.

And I can't stress this enough... this vacation has a little of everything!  Between now and it's end...

• This coming week I'll work for three of the five days and train the other two.  
• The training will be relaxing in it's own right!
• Weekend off!
• November 4th through the 8th will be normal, but also will be spent preparing to be away from my office for so long.
• November 9th through the 12th I'll get to hang out and relax at home.
• Prep everything leisurely, get Nina detailed, pack in a relaxed manner, get a haircut...
• November 12th and 13th will be a nice leisurely drive down to Dallas.
• It's especially leisurely as I've done this drive enough to make it comfortable!   I've even stayed in the same hotel several times by accident!
• The afternoon/evening of November 13th will be spent with A and his family in Dallas.
• Not a long stay by any stretch, but a visit with A, his wife J, and their kids C and S will be uplifting for my soul.
• The 14th A and I will fly (First Class Baby!) out to San Fran and get there at 1015 local time. 
• The 14th through the 17th will be spent with A, E, and myself having fun in a big city.
• The 17th A and I will fly back to Dallas (still First Class Baby!) and get back at 1730 local time.  
• That will leave the evening of the 17th to hang with A and his family again. 
• The 18th and 19th will be spent driving back home.
• Again, I know the routes, so it will be relaxing and I'll even take a different way back up (I'm thinking through Oklahoma on the way down and through Memphis on the way back)
• I'll arrive home on the evening of the 19th and spend the 20th just sitting back and relaxing
• Plus laundry and shopping and such.
• Work the 21st and 22nd.
• Have the weekend off of the 23rd and 24th.
• Work the 25th through the 27th.
• Have Thanksgiving, Black Friday, and the weekend off 
• That includes the big Ohio State at Michigan football game!
• Go to training for December 1st and 2nd.
• And finally return to 'normal' work on December 3rd.

I.  CAN'T.  WAIT!