But let's start with B. When I last wrote B had just finished moving in. We hadn't talked, so I didn't know a lot of what had happened. Just about everything I'd guessed, however, was true. His wife, M, had misappropriated some money causing them to both lose their car and get so far back in rent that they weren't going to climb out of the mess. B is still working through what this means.
I think it's understandable that he doesn't just stop their relationship. He's been married to her for over 20 years, has had 3 children with her, and loved/loves her. I can't imagine what that feels like as I've never been in a relationship. I'm going to give him as much space as possible but silently hope that he does decide to end the relationship. More or less what he told me was that he's confronted her about what happened, and she denies taking the money. He told her that because of her denial, he can no longer trust her and can't go forward in their relationship unless that trust can be fixed. And he can't fix it... that repair has to come from her.
What does that mean for us here? Well, it means that this house which fit Mom, R, and I comfortably is now fitting Mom, R, B, and I... uncomfortably. While I was gone on my vacation B stayed in my room. R was in his bedroom, B was in mine, and I had left the suggestion that before I return they swap R and I out. I move up to R's room and he move to mine. Honestly all we'd have to swap is our computers, maybe a lamp (I like my Google Assistant controlled lamp while R likes his regular lamp), and our clothes. R would be given the privacy of his own space and the comfort of my bed while I'd share the larger space with B and use R's old broken down mattress.
I was more than a little upset when I returned home and found that nothing had changed. B was in my room with no idea where he'd be sleeping that night. R refused to move and really didn't want B moving into his room. Understand, R's room is the dormer on the house that my Dad built for all three of us boys. We all shared that space for our elementary through high school years. It's easily big enough for two beds. There is NO other space in the house for another bed. And I'm sorry, as uncomfortable it is to make room for B, he's our family and need of help so we WILL make room for him.
You see, to take another step back... R is kind of an asshole. There are plenty of things I like about him but if we weren't related, I'm not sure I could ever be friends with him. First there's just the general air around him. He's right and you're wrong. There's no middle ground and there's no changing his ideals. Regarding money, finances, society, rule of law, politics, guns, pay discrepancy, urban vs rural... he's right and you're wrong. (yup... looks like this is going to turn into a bitch about R post)
Money
Neither R nor I had a lot of money for the long time. You've heard my financial path (college, photo college, photographer, abject failure, 10 years of struggle, nursing school, nursing and finally financial freedom. R's is the Navy, honorable discharge before completing training (i.e. no benefits), work odd factory jobs for years, came on with me at one of the photo jobs (we shared a place near Detroit for a year), various other low paying jobs, worked at KMart while both B and I worked there, maintenance job with an apartment complex, and finally financial freedom.
Now, I make a LOT more money than R. At the same time, I finance the hell out of my life. I owe a shit ton to student loans. I've had large and growing car payments since I got the nursing gig (currently $800 a month!), carry some credit card debt, and more or less buy what I want when I want it. I don't hem and haw about saving up money for something. $1000 iPad pro? Get it. $3500 computer? Buy it. $300 in new clothes for a vacation? Do it. R, on the other hand, spends money like he'll die without it. He saved up for a couple years before he bought his Jeep Grand Cherokee. His nice used SUV was selling for like $30,000 and he only had to finance like $18,000. More on that in a bit. I mentioned his old beat up mattress.... he doesn't want to spend money on a new one. He doesn't sleep well on it, it's uncomfortable, and over 20 years old... but he doesn't want to spend money on it. He wants a new computer system, but he tries to wait until every single component is on sale before he'll even consider pricing out a new system. Understand, outside of his cell phone, his SUV payment, and his insurance, he has no bills. He doesn't give Mom anything for "rent". He doesn't pay her anything for the cable/internet or food. He DOES spend money on up-keeping the house... like paint for the outside or lawn equipment.... but he lives with very little money going out. I recently found out that he has overt $20,000 in the bank.
TWENTY FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS!
His plan, long term, is to work for another 10 years or so, then buy some property up north (evidently with cash) and work odd jobs up there until social security and his pension (yes... he doesn't make as much money as me, but he has a mother fucking PENSION!) can support him and then retire in what he looks at as paradise. But he doesn't want to do anything to earn credit. He thinks it's owed to him and he should just get it. Understand he's had VERY bad times with credit including getting a car repossessed decades ago. It's been long enough since his credit problems that they're no longer on his record... he just doesn't have any credit at all. He pays his cell phone and his insurance... that's it. What about his car payment?
That's in my name.
He had no credit and couldn't get a loan for a car. I went with him and we signed up together for the loan. The finance guy at the dealership made it clear, however, that this was my loan and R was just signing on as another party. The good portions of making those payments go to me and the bad parts of missing payments would hit me too. It's both good and bad for me as yes, I do get a bonus for making those payments.... but I didn't need that. I already make steady payments on my own car loan, my credit cards (4 in total, only one carries a balance), my student loans, my cell phone, and my insurance. Adding an extra car loan just doesn't move the needle that much. I do, however, get to explain a $12,000 debt on my record that strikes against me when I'm looking for more credit. I saw it when I financed Nina and it was counted against the money I bring home.
And yes... R only owes $12,000 more on his SUV. WITH TWENTY FUCKING THOUSAND DOLLARS IN THE MOTHER FUCKING BANK!
He can pay off his car debt and get it off my name, but he doesn't want to do that. He actually plans on trading in his SUV once he saves up another $12,000 or so on a much newer one. But seriously, I wonder if he realizes he still doesn't have the credit to do that without my name on the loan papers.
So that's his view and outlook on money. He won't even get a credit card, charge gas or something on it every month, and pay it off every month to earn credit because that would be playing "their" game. And R doesn't play any game that's not his.
Guns
R thinks guns are an absolute right. Any type of gun control legislation is looked at as either outright heresy or at the very least as a slippery slope to "them coming and taking our guns away". Banning assault style rifles? Too much. Mandated wait times on handguns? No way. Red flag laws? Nope. Bans on high capacity magazines? Too far. Universal background checks? No sir.
He won't even acknowlege that there's a problem with guns. There are several different problems with people killing people (gun suicides, gun homicides, mass gun shootings, domestic gun violence....) but no gun problems.
He's right. You're (I'm) wrong. Deal with it.
Politics
If a person running for office has even a whiff of gun control legislation or admits there is any type of gun problem, they they are a libtard idiot that deserves to be shot. That, by nature, includes any and all democrats as it's a plank in their platform. He's also liberal in just about every way, so he can't support any republican. Because of those two views, he sees himself as a moderate and is always looking for a moderate running for office. I swear, he'd love President Obama or Mayor Pete if they'd just give up their libtard ideas about guns.
So there are no moderates running for office. No other political ideal matters. Global warming? Nor worth swallowing any gun control legislation. Military spending? Not worth gun control. Race/Sex freedoms? Can't take gun control even to support those rights.
I could go on and on, but you can see pretty quickly that R will take a stance that makes sense to him and then rant about and wonder why anybody else can't agree with him. He'll insult them and make fun of them for any other ideal. How does this apply to our brother B? According to R, B can make this all go away by divorcing M and moving out on his own. I'm not sure if R is ignoring possible alimony and child support payments, if he's ignoring that they couldn't afford rent on B's income, or if he's even considering all the money they still owe... but B can fix this so R shouldn't have to change his life around to accommodate B living with us.
I should have seen it coming, but I was probably just too excited about my upcoming trip and figured R would always step up to help out with family as every other single member of this family has done. I was obviously upset when I returned home and realized B had no place to sleep. I mean, no one even got him a fucking bed. We didn't have a spare since cleaning out the house, so we'd need to get something. I'd even looked at them before I left and would have picked one up at the local Sam's Club if R had been here with his SUV (Sorry... a queen sized mattress and box springs weren't going to fit in Nina's trunk!). So the very night I got back, I spent hours doing research. I honestly didn't believe R would help, so I didn't want to get it locally. I realized quickly that I could get a "bed in a box" from Amazon with Prime 2 day shipping for far less than a mattress/box-spring locally. I even threw in a frame so it would be up off the floor and feel more like a regular bed for B.
With that purchased, I went up to talk to R. I offered again to change rooms with him so he'd have his privacy and he just said it's too much effort and not worth it. I reminded him that we'd be moving a bed up into his room for B then and he just said "fine". The day the bed arrived I went to set it up (alone) and I swear R threw a toddler's tantrum. He had moved some things out of the way and left just enough space for the bed. I wanted to confirm its placement as it was going to block access to one or several things of his. Instead of explaining what his concerns were (Hey, I need access to that filing cabinet, or I put my dirty clothes there and there needs to be a spot for it) he just came up and started shoving stuff roughly more out of the way.
There was no consideration of B at all. B's bed, that I paid for and set up, was an inconvenience to R and was therefore a problem. My solution to gain him his privacy wouldn't work because of... reasons?... and therefore this was still an inconvenience to R. That's it. An inconvenience. Our Brother is going through a situation that's tearing up his credit life, his financial life, his family life, and a 20 year marriage. Our little brother is having to give up being the king of his house and accept being a bit of a burden here with us. But R is inconvenience, so fuck all that.
So that's where we are with B. He's borrowed my aunt's car (that she doesn't drive) so he can get to and from work and he still goes out of his way to take care of his wife and children... but he just lives here while he figures it all out. Sorry that turned into such a bitch session about R. I guess I just needed to get that off my chest.
So... the vacation:
It was not as restful as I really wanted it to be. First there was the whole B moving in thing to deal with. There wasn't any "staycation" to my vacation as all that time was dedicated to helping B. I guess I should just do this chronologically so let's start with the drive down to Dallas.
We had received about 8 inches of snow the weekend before I left. They seriously now call it the Veteran's Day Storm of 2019. I know at some point I'm going to get snow tires, but there wasn't time before I left. Plus, by the time I drove back up it would be in the 60s (at least down in Dallas) which is far to hot for snow tires. But I figured the highways would be clear, so no problem right?
Wrong. The highway WAS clear in my home town, but I get to drive west toward lake Michigan before I start turning south, and that put me close enough to get lake effect snow. If you've never experienced lake effect snow, it's really something. You'll have nice sunny skies one moment followed minutes later by dark clouds and snow falling fast enough to block out vision more than 20 feet in front of you. That can happen over and over and over and can make snow accumulate at over 4 inches per hour.
What should have taken two or three hours took me about six. All of it white knuckled and most of it at speeds lower than 40 mph (speed-limit of 70 mph!). Now the route I took did affect this. You see, to get to Dallas the main path (from my town) takes me west and south over to just south of Chicago. You get on the turnpike there for a few miles then head south through Illinois and Missouri near St Louis before hitting a big long straight fast (80 mph!!!) toll road in Oklahoma. After getting off of that it's state highway (going through many towns, down to 35 mph at times) straight down to my buddy's house. His home is technically about an hours drive north of Dallas, but there's no break in city because of all the urban sprawl, so I just call it all Dallas.
While I love the toll road in Oklahoma, I HATE the toll road south of Chicago. It's bumper to bumper busy no matter what time of day you get it. The drivers are almost all assholes and you really have to be aggressive to get anything done. It wasn't a big problem when I lived in Chicago as that's how you had to drive IN Chicago... but hitting it once or twice a year sucks.
There's another main route. About the same to mid Illinois, then instead of heading west to Missouri and St Louis, you go further south, slice just a little off southern Missouri, go through Arkansas near Memphis, then head west into Texas. That's a far more scenic route, if just a little slower. You can even edit this by going south sooner and going by Indianapolis.
My desired track was to originally go through Indiana and Indianopolis, then near Memphis and into Texas. It was cold and I wanted to hit that fast part of Oklahoma toll road when it was warmer so I could see what Nina can do.... just without freezing tires! Well, I put the wrong route into Waze and it was taking me to Chicago. At my last rest stop before exiting Michigan I tried to fix it by turning Toll Roads off figuring that would keep me heading south and avoid Oklahoma all together as well as avoiding the toll road in Indiana and south of Chicago.
Well... it kind of avoided it. I still got locked into bumper to bumper traffic south of Chicago but then I got turned off right before the toll road... and had to drive through town roads for 16 miles before hitting back up with the highway.
What a pain.
When I finally got another break I turned toll roads back on as I was no out of the way to head to either Indianapolis or Memphis. I got the Oklahoma toll road, but even if the temps were right I still would have struggled as there was an unusual amount of traffic.
I finally made it to Dallas and A's place. He was a couple hours out from work so I got to hang with A's wife J and their kids S and C. I really do love all of the family and wish I could spend more time with them. But this was just a stop. J still had to work the next day while A and I would be leaving at like 5 AM. I had considered telling A and J about myself (my femme side? About Caitlyn? I'm not even sure how I'd quantify that conversation), but with all of us getting up early we called it a night early.
A got to drive Nina down to his office's garage where we'd leave her and then Uber to the airport. In short, he loved her. He saw what I meant with the way she sounds, and like me was trying to find ways to get her RPMs up into the 4000-5000 range to really hear her sing.
The flight out to San Fran was fine. First class of course rocks and Alaska Air really is nice and family like. Just as nice as Delta, my only other first class experience.
San Fran was.... well... um... Dirty? Nasty? Yeah, dirty and nasty would explain it just fine. We met up with E at his place in outer sunset. It's like any neighborhood in a large city that isn't right near the city center. He warned us that getting into the city proper though would be different. Different than NYC, Chicago, NOLA, Dallas.... different than anywhere we'd been before. We all know there are 'bad' neighborhoods in any big city. Homelessness, crime, lack of services.... they all seem to glom together into specific areas. Well in San Fran that's not necessarily neighborhoods... that's block to block.
There are a LOT of homeless in San Fran. I expected there to be a lot but I was still surprised at the numbers. They're not all necessarily pan handlers... in fact less people asked me for a cigarette or money than in other cities. They're just without a home. They have nice tents and back packs and go to work... but just live on that particular area of sidewalk. And they're everywhere they don't get moved away from. And with that many people without homes, well they generate a lot of garbage and I'd guess it just overwhelms the city's ability to clean it up. So, garbage is everywhere.
And I'm afraid I have to admit that there are not enough bathrooms for all those homeless. They have to urinate and defecate like anybody else... they just do it on the street. All the time I've spent in Chicago I think I've seen one or two people using a public space for a bathroom and both were in alleys. In 3 days of San Fran I saw 5 people urinating against random buildings along the street (NOT in an alley!), one person defecating along the side of the street (STILL NOT in an alley!), and one person urinating into what I initially thought was a bush. The bush, it turns out, was a little cover between the street and a lower courtyard where the subway let out.
He was peeing on the people coming out of the subway.
Overall it just made me sad. I know San Fran has a lot of services to help the homeless like medical and food and even drug help (clean needles to avoid spreading disease and assistance for addiction), but even with all that, they're obviously overwhelmed.
The food was great and we got some wonderful photos. We didn't get to the museum sadly, but we still overall enjoyed our stay. Each night I planned on telling A and E about me, but each night that seemed harder and harder. We're drinkers... we drink until we're drunk. So each night honestly ends with us at least tipsy and tired enough to just go and fall into bed. That's not exactly a time to go "Hey guys, lemme tell you about how I'm Queer".
And while I'd be thinking about it, I just couldn't come up with a way to bring it up. I'd honestly have to break any conversation we'd currently be having, sit them down, and tell them that there was something I had to tell them. And that immediately feels like it's far more important than what I want to convey. I mean, part of what I want to say is that none of this should change us or our relationships in any way. I still present myself as male to society and have no problem with that. I still talk about women and my attraction to them as I AM still attracted to women. There just isn't any part of our regular lives together and any of our time spent together where either I or they would have to change. I just want them to know as it's a central part of my identity.
It didn't ever feel right. I never told them.
My last chance was after flying back to Dallas. I love and trust A and his wife J just about as much as I trust A and E together as my best friends. But I couldn't get myself to bring it up that night. Again.... "Hey guys, lemme tell you about how I'm Queer" just doesn't role off the tongue after they've put their kids to bed.
So the next morning I drove back. The people that know about the full and total me and that have seen me in person is the exact same number as before this trip. Zero. Well... one, but A (the A up here, not the A down there) doesn't really count any more.
I'll figure it out someday. I honestly almost told my boss the other day as it just came up. We were at a meting of health unit managers (my boss is a HUM and invited me to their meeting), and one of the Directors of Nursing (DON) was talking about gender dysphoria as we have inmate/patients that we have to deal with that have it. She talked around to mentioning people who work for the department that are also gender dysphoric and I swear to the Goddess she said "And they're people too. I guess. Maybe?"
Fuck her. I'm like a quarter step away from being gender dysphoric myself and to my boss' boss I'm almost a person too. Maybe.
Anyway... that's for another day.
A final word about driving Nina. It shouldn't be a surprise that she's not as comfortable on a long trip as Isabella was (or Ginger for that matter). A sedan with a relatively soft suspension system is just more comfy for hours on end. Nina's sharp suspension made sure I felt every bump in the highway. And there are a LOT of bumps. On trips like these, I normally try to knock as much out on the first day as I possibly can. It's a total of 16 driving hours, which with rest stops and eating and all ends up being around 19 hours total. I want to knock out about 12 hours in the first day and be left with under 7 for the next. It makes that second day seem to be more relaxing.
Well, that really sucked on the very first day. The snow delays in Michigan made that closer to 15 hours the first day and about 9 on the second. My body was beat up after the first day so the second was even more tiring. I swear, I ached by the time I got to their house.
The trip back wasn't so bad as it was nice weather throughout. I just have to know in advance that I should actually equal the days out as a longer first day makes the second day feel longer. Everything else in the trip was wonderful. I got a lot of compliments on Nina every time I stopped. I caught people looking at her on the highway and while it might just be in my head, I think I got more respect on the road. Less people were screwing with me. And when I needed to pass someone? Lemme tell you, 465 horse power makes sure I can pass anybody I want at any speed I happen to be traveling. I didn't get to push her up to 140 on that Oklahoma toll road, but I did start an aggressive pass at 85 miles per hour at one point and ended up over 100 mph before I was done. I don't think Nina even downshifted to do it!
At one point in Michigan on my return drive I just HAD to see what Nina could do. It was fairly warm (around 55 degrees), I had been driving a long time so the tires were about as warm as they were going to get in normal driving conditions, I was going down a light grade so I could see FAR in front of me and it was just about entirely clear for a long way with no cops. I didn't dare just floor it.... the tires would break from the road and I'd spin, possibly off the road. But I slowly increased the gas until she was nearly floored.
I started my "experiment" at 70 miles per hour. Nina complied, went faster and faster, and finally started to downshift to get louder and louder until I caught up to the traffic like 20 seconds later. When I lifted off the gas and glanced down at the speedometer I was coasting at 125 mph. I honestly didn't feel like I was stretching Nina in any way. I could have downshifted agian and still got more oomph and passing power and it felt like she could have EASILY gone upward of 160, let alone the 140 where she's governed at (and the tires are maxed out!).
No, Nina's not as comfortable as Isabella but I love her SO much more!
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