Update January 02, 2024

 It feels like a short four weeks and a long month, both at the same time.  

Migraines
I guess objectively the migraines aren't any better or any worse.  I say that as I look over my migraine journal and don't see a significant swing either way.  But they feel worse.  I guess that's because they've affected several big days.  I mentioned in the last update how they ruined Thanksgiving.   Well, I had severe migraines on Christmas Eve (actually December 23rd, but that was a scheduling issue for the family and it served as our Christmas Eve), Christmas Day, and New Year's Day.  All days that were family oriented, all days that I wanted to help mom with, and all days where I felt like absolute shit.  

Other than that, no big changes.  Just waiting to see the neurologist at the end of February.  

Other Health
The plantar fasciatus cleared up and I'm wearing my slippers almost all the time now.  I actually tried to NOT wear them yesterday while watching the football games and my feet felt cold.  So, I put them back on.  

Finances
I'm screwed.  

So, my long term disability (LTD) was approved through November 30th.  If I had updated medical information, it needed to come in by December 13th.  I sent the request in to my doc before thanksgiving with the 'updated' medical information.  Nothing should be updated as nothing has changed.  When I called to check on the LTD on December 7th, they said they'd received the information on the 6th.  I figured it wasn't worth asking about, so I waited and called back on the 11th.  They said they'd received the information on the 10th.  That felt odd, that both days I called, they received information the day previous.  So, I waited and spoke to an agent.  

The agent was no help as they said they'd received the information and would contact me if they needed anything else.  They couldn't give me any timeline.  At that point, I was going to miss the 'payday' of the 15th.  I got a call back from my representative (quick note, I don't know what to call her as everybody calls her something else.  Representative, Case Manager, Examiner... I'll call her my representative.) saying she needed some more information.  She wanted to know why I canceled my appointment on the 30th.  I explained that the appointment for November 30th was canceled before I even got the LTD as it was for a Botox treatment that had been stopped before that.  I explained that and she didn't seem to understand.  She asked for my doctor's information, which they should already have, and I gave it over.  She said she'd contact me with an approval or denial once they got more information and they talked to 'the nurse'.  

I was planning on calling them tomorrow, January 3rd, to give them time for the holiday as I hadn't heard back yet and had now missed two paydays.  My representative called me this afternoon, however, to inform me that my extension has been denied.  She said it was because my medical documentation doesn't warrant a claim of disability.  Now, it should be said that my representative is not a medical professional which is beyond frustrating as she's reading me the nurses notes with no ability to talk about them.  Evidently, because I stopped the Botox treatment and am not being seen every three months (the time frame for the Botox injections), they no longer think my condition is serious enough to be called a disability.  

I can't make this clear enough though:  

I WAS NOT ON BOTOX WHEN THEY APPROVED THIS THE FIRST TIME!!!!!    

Of course the appointments to receive the Botox injections were canceled as I'm no longer receiving them.  I'm on a new medication that my doctor wants to evaluate after six months.  That is NOT a long time to wait for an evaluation.  She also said that my medical records didn't indicate any signs or symptoms that would prevent me from working as they didn't mention photophobia, auraphobia (sensitivity to light and/or sound), or dizziness.  I experience all of these, but I could work through them.  But it was also stated by the nurse, that my doctor had in his notes that I was suffering from the inability to concentrate and memory loss with the migraines.  So, let me get this straight... being sensitive to light and sound would be debilitating and not allow for work, but not being able to think and having memory loss does allow for work.  By a GOD DAMNED NURSE!!!  

You go ahead and let me know if you want a nurse who can't think straight and has memory loss to come and treat you.  

I went through this with her over and over and over and she just didn't get it.  Basically, what I got from her was that the nurse denied it and she couldn't discuss it.  She clearly got that I was going to appeal this decision and mentioned that the denial letter, along with an appeal form, was being sent to me in the mail.  Hearing how upset I was, she said she could send those to me in email today so that I could respond sooner.  I specifically asked if the denial letter would include the nurses notes that she told me over the phone and she said yes.  

Fifteen minutes later, I received the appeal form via email.   And nothing else.  

The appeal form is simplistic.  It wants me to 'explain the reason for your appeal request' and updated medical information.  I find it difficult to appeal a denial that I do not have.  I tried to be patient and waited an hour to see if it came in.  After that, I called back and went through the red tape machine that's their phone system to speak to an agent.  I tell the agent that I spoke with my rep (gave her name as it's always been the same rep) and that my rep told me she'd email me my appeal form and denial letter but I hadn't received the letter.  The agent said she'd speak to the rep and put me on hold.  She came back a moment later and asked "She didn't tell you why you were denied?"

I took a deep breath and made sure I didn't take out my anger on this woman.  I explained that we had a long discussion and that my rep said she'd send along the denial letter.  That I wanted to refer to the denial letter in my appeal and not just refer to a phantom phone call.  She put me on hold again and came back almost immediately saying my rep would contact me within one business day.  

So, now I'm in the holding pattern of waiting.  Oh, and the agent said that most appeals were turned around so I should expect to get paid.  Seems weird to say it that way... but I also wouldn't be surprised by an insurance company just putting up arbitrary hoops for their clients to jump through hoping that someone doesn't jump through correctly and they can save money by not paying or at the very least not pay in a timely manner and keep the money in their account as opposed to my account.  

I have a couple thousand dollars as of now to work through.  That should cover January and maybe into February if I'm careful.  If it goes longer than that I'll have to withdraw more money from my 401k.  

I also mentioned last time that I heard from the state regarding my disability benefits and that they were denied because they received the application 5 days past my last day of work.  I went over the paperwork and it DID say that it needed to be put in by that date.  I decided, at the time, to just give up.  But on second thought, I think I'm going to appeal that as well.  I'll make them put the effort into it to at least acknowledge the ridiculousness of denying it in that manner.  

They still may deny it because of that reason and they still may deny it due to my time with the state, but they'll at least work for it.  

Family/Friends
Mom is pushing herself too hard.  She keeps getting little 'colds' where she's phlegmy, coughy, and has an achy stomach.  I'm not sure if it's not just her pushing herself too hard but whatever the reason, she's spending more and more time in her chair and not eating.  I'm hoping that now that we're out of the holiday season, she might get better.  

R is getting grumpier and grumpier.  I swear he's becoming more openly racist and sexist every day and it's bothering me more and more.  He's also practically insisting that mom do MORE instead of less.  I think he sees the increased stamina and energy he's getting from working out on a stationary bike every other day and thinks it will be the same for mom.  Soon, I'm going to have to take him aside and explain it to him or disagree in front of him.  I've already explained to mom my opinion and told her I wouldn't disagree in front of R to save her from hearing our argument.  

Entertainment
I decided to start playing games again.  I want to finish these games as they seem interesting, but it's very difficult to play games when I'm finding it almost impossible to concentrate.  But I finally figured out a way.  Walkthroughs.  I'd normally play a game however I felt it should be played and only refer to a walkthrough if I felt I was truly stuck.  Now, I get the walkthrough up before I even open the game and just follow it.  

I finished Stray that way and am now working on Assassin's Creed Valhalla.  I'll work through Sifu, Horizon Zero Dawn (which I got on a sweet deal!), Alan Wake 2 (which I got with my computer), and finally Cyberpunk 2077 that I haven't played since it was first released and was so freaking broken.  If I get through all of these and find enjoyment playing this way, I might then go and play some actual new games.  

I still find it hard to watch new TV and movies.  Currently I'm re-watching Game of Thrones and will follow it up with the first season of House of the Dragon.  

New Tech
I'd mentioned earlier that I got a Steam Deck.  I wanted to update that here as I no longer have it.  I tried playing it when I had a migraine as it wouldn't put as much light into the room as my big screen... but it was still too much light and it took too much concentration.  I took it on that trip down to Texas, but beyond showing it to my friends, never played it. 

I figured that as cool as it was, I didn't have a use case for it.  Useless $550 tech is useless.  Instead of just holding on to it with no purpose, I decided to sell it.  My nephews don't have money, so they were out.  I offered it to my brothers and neither of them wanted it.  I then offered it to the friend we play D&D with, figuring he'd either like it himself or let his kid (elementary age) use it.  I bought it for $550, had used it for a grand total of 20 hours (most of that with it just sitting there and downloading things), making it practically new.  Knowing it was still used and wanting to just get rid of it, I figured I'd offer it to him at $150 off retail.  A practically new Steam Deck for $400 would be a steal.  But when I double checked the price I noticed they'd since come out with the Steam Deck OLED.  

FUCK. 

The Steam Deck OLDED was now priced at $550.  My version was now the 'basic' version and priced at $350.  I thought about keeping it then, but finally decided if it was a good idea to get rid of it at $400 then its still a good idea to get rid of it for $200.  The friend bought it and was very happy with the price.  

I'd also mentioned that I got the Pixel Tablet to use as my bedside Google Home assistant and alarm clock (as well as a tablet on rare occasions) but it turns out it doesn't work particularly well as a Google Home assistant.  It's HUB mode is just plain broken.  It'd be great if I used it as a tablet most of the time and occasionally used it as a HUB, but I wanted the opposite.  So, I gave it to R where he can play with it and started using a Nest Hub Max again.  

I mentioned the headsets in the last update.  Well, I decided on getting two replacement pair.  For the computer I have the Razer Blackshark Pro V2 (2023 edition).  It sounds good, has a great mic for gaming, and since I already used the Razer software for my keyboard, has no software overhead.  It's wireless but charges through a USB C cable.  Oh, and it has like an 80 hour play time.  For the few hours a day I might use it, that will last me weeks if not months.  I even have the software set to warn me when it gets down to 25% so that I can remember to charge it when I'm not using it and keep it running 'all' the time.  

For the TV I got the Sennheiser Consumer Audio RS 175 RF.  Its a headset designed specifically for TVs.  It has an optical in which is the hardest to find feature so it works out fine for me.  Oh, and it cost under $200 where others I was looking at went for over $500.  My only problem with it is that the base feels cheap.  It's not heavy.  You charge the headset by putting it on the base but I have it crammed into a small area meaning when I try to set the headset on it, the base moves instead of holding steady and letting the headset expand around it.  That, and the charging point for the headset is at the top of the headband.  That means the foam that comforts the top of your head has a space in it.  Nice for lining up the charging points, a pain for sitting on your head.  BUT, they work and I really shouldn't complain.  

Writing
Gamer Gurl has continued to be fun.  I've added 11 new chapters to it and would probably have had more, if not for the holidays.  I think they next big jump for the story is getting past the daily updates.  Story wise, only about ten days have passed.  The next big step for the story is going to be weeks later as the heroine gets used to her new place and is pushed into the next stage.