Pride

I both love and hate that the LGBT+ community is a big umbrella with so much under it.  It has gender identity, gender, sexual identity, sexual attractions, and combinations therein.  That's a LOT to get under one umbrella.  I remember first learning about 'Pride Month' and hearing it referred to as 'Gay Pride Month'.  The same thing applies to the Pride Flag as I first heard of it as the Gay Pride Flag.  Well.... that's problematic.  

This thought process came about because I work for the State of Michigan.  I'm quite proud of that as right now they have a very good record when it comes to LGBTT+ rights and issues.  There's no "Drag Laws" or "Bathroom Laws" or other type of homo/trans-phobic type of legislation.  There wasn't any type of legislation when we had a Republican Governor and Legislature, a Democrat Governor with a Republican Legislature and there still isn't now that we have a Democrat Governor and Legislature.  I don't want to run Republican's as a whole through the mud, but let's face it... their party is more accommodating to homo/trans-phobic style legislation.  

Anyway, there was a 'Happy Pride Month' email message from the director of the department I work for and it reminded me of my Queerness.  If you don't know or don't recall, I talked about it here (where I defined myself), here (where I talked about accepting and being more feminine), and here (at the end of the post where I finally told my friends about 'me'**).  I'm comfortable enough with myself to be happy in my own mind and skin, to share it openly here, to share it openly with my close friends, and even comfortable enough to share it when its relevant with strangers.  I mention that last one as someone at work was talking about young transgender people seeking attention and I mentioned that I was 'Gender Queer' but wasn't talking from personal experience.  It just came out and he accepted it without any fluff.  

** Quick aside, I talk about telling A and his wife in that post and wanting to tell E.  I never wrote about it specifically, but I did tell E about me on a trip we took to Toronto.

 Anyway, That got me thinking about the whole LGBTTQ+ issues and wondering how they all fit under one flag.  To be honest, it speaks of the 'otherness' more than anything else.  There's 'Cis Hetero' and then 'LGBTTQQIAAP+'.  In my mind, being Lesbian, Gay, or Bisexual all match up under themselves.  Being Transgendered is... well, it's not a sexual preference, but a gender identity issue.  You could say that all of these issues, including Questioning, Queer, and Intersex, could all fall under the 'sexual' umbrella, but then it wouldn't include the Cis and Hetero sex categories.  And it still doesn't quite fit the Asexual or Aromantic categories that ARE included.  And then there's that big + that it always ends with.  Let's face it, most people still shorten it to LGBT+ (although I'm thankful it's now almost as common to hear LGBTQ or LGBTQ+).  

Being open is good.  But doesn't it diminish everybody in the group when everybody but Cis Hetero belongs?  And doesn't it make it harder to push through society or legislative efforts when those efforts can go in one of a dozen different directions?  For instance, the supreme court decided that gay marriage is constitutional and seemed to finalize that issue.  The big move now seems to be on transgender issues.  But there is still a lot of ground to go on gay issues.  The state of Michigan just recently affirmed that sexual preference is a protected class within the 'sex' class.  Before that, it would be sexual harassment to make fun of a woman for being a woman, but not for making fun of a gay woman for being gay.  That was THIS YEAR!  

And then there's the question of who 'they' are.  I don't mean who is included, but more of who is leading this group.  When you think of the 'Religious Right' there are several organizations on top of that that wrangle all the smaller groups together.  The same is true when you think of 'Organized Labor'.  But are there organizations on top of LGBTQ+ groups that bring them all together?  I honestly don't know.  

Now, while all these things went through my head, I started thinking of the Pride Flag.  You know the one... the rainbow one.  Right?  But is that the six color rainbow flag?  The older eight color rainbow flag?  The newer eight color rainbow flag?  Does it have the triangle on the side?  Is it the updated triangle?  What IS the pride flag?  

I did a quick google search and found most of what I'm going to talk about here from a VERY surprising source.  Volvo.  Yes, the Swedish car company.  They have this page dedicated to the various pride flags and what they mean.  I'm not going to cover all of the flags there, but I want to touch on some of what I learned.  

The first flag I think of when someone says 'Pride Flag' is the six stripe rainbow flag.  I think it's basic and clean and almost universally accepted.  There isn't any specific meaning assigned to these stripes, but it's clear that there are 'many' people in this group.  This was made in 1978 and has really stood the test of time.  

But this isn't the first version of the 'Rainbow Pride Flag'.  That would be the eight stripe rainbow flag made by Gilbert Baker in 1978.  I remember seeing this before, but didn't know why it wasn't used.  It turns out after it was made, they found it difficult to get the hot pink fabric, so that color was eliminated.  Soon after turquoise followed, leaving just the six stripes.  

So we had the six stripe flag for years and years.  According to Volvo (and backed up by some other sources!) the next major revision came in 2017. 

They added a couple more stripes (back up to eight!) to represent people of color.  

I've seen this flag, but not nearly as much as the six stripe flag.  I guess I can understand whey there was some resistance to it.  I fully appreciate racial justice and all the issues of race, but I think it further breaks apart the LGBTQ+ group when you have specific race classes for each subset.  

Anyway, well enough couldn't be left alone and in 2018 Daniel Quasar designed a new flag called the Progress Pride Flag.  It returned to the six stripe design while including both the black and brown stripes as well as adding the white, pink, and blue from the transgendered flag (yes, there is a transgender specific flag that I'll get more into.  

Like the six stripe flag, I've commonly seen this one around.  Here in 2023, the six stripe flag is more common, but the Progress Pride Flag is more common than the eight stripe flag (either the original or the brown and black one).  

And that's it.  Right?  Well... no.  Later in 2018 Valentino Vecchietti redesigned the Progress Pride Flag to include elements from the Intersex flag.  

And now that I saw this on the Volvo site, I do recall seeing this around once or twice.  But to be honest, it's nowhere near as common, at least to me, as the Progress Pride Flag.  

Now, from an inclusion standpoint, I can appreciate adding the Intersex imagery.  But when I learned that the designer worked for an Intersex group in the UK and had incorporated the Intersex flag, I had to look up the intersex flag.

You see, I'd seen the eight stripe flag with the brown and black.  And I'd seen the transgender flag that was pink blue and white.  But I'd never seen one for intersex.  That's where the Volvo site really got me going as I not only learned about the transgender and intersex flags, but specific flags designed for Nonbinary, Asexual, Bisexual, Pansexual, Lesbian, Abrosexual, Gay Men's, Heterosexual Pride, Drag Feather, Maverique, Bigender, Graysexual, Genderflux, Gender Queer, Demiboy, and Straight Ally Pride.  

I'm not going to cover all of these as you can read about them at the Volvo site.  But I was surprised by the timeline of these flags and the pure diversity.  Before I get into the specific ones I'd like to talk about, I want to say that from a design standpoint, it's problematic to try and include all of these on one big LGBTTQQIAAP+ Pride flag.  I think the six stripe flag and the Progress Pride flag are both very well designed and inclusive.  It's not that I don't like including intersex pride or that I don't like the yellow triangle or purple circle... it's just that it's passed the line of getting too busy.  

Okay, enough of the 'Pride Flag' discussion.  Below is what I learned about all these specific flags and how they felt to me personally.  

The Transgender flag is the one 'single identity' Pride flag that I knew about.  It's probably because it's one of the oldest and is one of the first that isn't about sexual preference.  There were 'Gay Men' and 'Lesbian' flags of various designs before it (although more unified flags have since been designed) and even a Bisexual flag that came out in 1998 that I'd never seen before this month.  But the Transgender Pride Flag was designed in 1999. 

I personally associate with this more on a spiritual nature.  I'm 'kinda' transgender as I'd like to experience life as a woman but know that I'd find myself in the same problem as I do now... half my life is man and half my life is woman.  I'll never be happy by TRANSitioning to one or the other.  

The Nonbinary Pride Flag is one of the more modern Pride flags.  It was designed in 2010 by Kye Rowan.  As a newer flag, it's colors are representative.  Yellow is for people who identify outside the binary of male or female.  White is for multi-gendered people.  Purple is for people who identify as a blending between male and female genders and black signifies those who feel they do not have a gender.  Agender.  

This really comes down to semantics as I could see defining myself as outside the binary or as a blending of the binary.  Maybe multi-gendered?  But certainly not as agender.  I'm all about gender!  

One problem I have with this flag is that I just don't like it design wise.  The black and white go together, but the purple and yellow clash.  I'm sorry... but this is ugly to me.  

The Abrosexual Pride Flag is the one that called out to me the most as it's a term I've never heard before.  The Volvo site defined it as "an individual whose sexuality is changing or fluid".  I swear, I stopped dead in my tracks when I saw that.  When I think of my own sexuality, and not my gender, I get all confused.  I could say that I'm heterosexual as I'm attracted to the opposite gender when I'm one gender or the other (when I'm female, I'm attracted to men.  when I'm male I'm attracted to females).  I could say that I'm gay because I'm biologically male and at times am attracted to 'other men'.  I could say that I'm bisexual and/or pansexual as I'm attracted to men, women, and those who don't define themselves as either.  But at the same time, none of those fit as it's always changing.  Well right there.... "an individual whose sexuality is changing or fluid".  

I even looked it up for further research.  While medically I don't tend to rely on WebMD (I prefer the Mayo Clinic, the Cleveland Clinic, the Institutes of Health, Harvard Medical...), I can accept that WebMD is accepted by a lot of people and they have a page about abrosexuality.  

The closest I'd ever come to this before, in relation to myself, was gender fluid, but that was in reference to gender and not sexuality.  I put that under the Gender Queer that I define myself as gender wise, but now I can further define myself as Gender Queer Abrosexual.  

Unfortunately, while this is a 'newer' flag, designed in 2015, it was designed without any definitions for the colors.  A quick web search shows it's used quite a bit so it's here to stay... but like the nonbinary flag, I find it displeasing to the eye.  

The Bigender Pride Flag is another that I hadn't seen and I'm not even sure I'd heard of 'Bigender' before.  Maybe I had and just confused it with 'Bisexual' which I'd normally just skip by, but... it still fits me.  It's defined as "having or experiencing two different genders of any combination" or "someone whose sense of personal identity encompasses two genders".  

Sound familiar?  Yeah, that sounds like me too.  I even like this particular design (there are several different Bigender flags) as it looks kind of like the Transgender flags and I think that's how most people would see it and understand it.  "Kinda Trans".  

The Genderflux Pride Flag is... well, it's another attempt at a catch all.  Even the Volvo site defines Generflux as a catch-all for gender identities where an individual's gender or sense of the intensity of their gender changes over time.  

Technically, yes this fits me.  My sense of gender, my gender identity, changes over time.  Even the intensity of my gender changes over time.  

Design wise... ick.  And this also refers to demi girls and demi boys... more terms that I had to look up.  It seems to refer more to young people learning about themselves.  

Naturally, there's a Gender Queer Pride Flag.  The more I read about Gender Queer, the more I think I chose the wrong term for myself.  And at the same time, I believe it's the perfect term for me.  The part I don't like is defining it as "an umbrella term to cover any identity that isn't cisgender" but the part I do like is defining it as "someone who identifies with neither gender, both genders, or a combination of both genders".  

I do define myself as both genders and a combination of both genders.  The real question is, would Bigender be more specific.  Oh... and I don't like the green and purple scheme.  Doesn't fit.  

Okay... so those are the flags.  On a design spectrum, it's pretty easy to see where they call came from.  The rainbow flags.  The OG.  They're all horizontal stripes in distinct colors to represent and define one group against another.  Messaging wise, however, is more problematic.  Maybe these will catch on, but right now I didn't know what they meant and these are all the ones that could possibly fit me.  I think they may also be defining groups smaller and smaller and then still having "oh and it includes a lot more too" at the end. 

Gender-wise, I could fit under Bigender, Nonbinary, Genderflux, and Gender Queer.  Bigender sounds the most technical, Genderflux sounds the most descriptive to my circumstance, and Gender Queer just sounds the best.  Sexuality wise I could fit in hetero, homo, bi, pan, and/or abro sexual.  

And ultimately, an ongoing problem within me is.... why does any of this matter?  It shouldn't affect me getting a job.  It shouldn't affect me spending money.  It shouldn't affect the way people see me (more on that in a bit).  It doesn't affect what movies or music or books I enjoy.  I simply am ME.  

Admittedly the way people see ME in particular is easy.  I present as a male.  I socially act as a male.  It's on several levels from my perspective.  First, this is just the way my body is shaped.  I could enhance it, of course.  Heels would change the shape of my legs and ass.  A corset or waist cincher would give me more curves.  A padded bra would give me even more curves.  But I think even with all that, I'd still just have a masculine shaped body.  Certainly my face comes across as more masculine.  And yes, I DO believe there are masculine and feminine shapes.  There are masculine and feminine faces.  You can see it in many transgendered people.  Some, you look at and just go WOW, you were born in the other body type?  Some, you look at and go... um... yeah, you were born in the other body, right?  And it's true but harder to point out even in non trans folk.  We've all seen the guy with a more feminine face or a woman with a more masculine face.  

I put that out there because I don't go through the discrimination that others do unless I put myself out there.  I recently had an experience at work that made it obvious.  One of our patients started to just go off on this being 'Pride' month.  He was honestly trying to be nice, but went on and on about how none of that bothers him... so long as 'they' keep to themselves.  The workers found it funny and joined in.  "I'm fine with gay guys, so long as they don't look at me, you know?" "The same goes for lesbians, just keep it to yourself girl!"  "But what about those in betweens?  I guess as long as I don't see them, they're fine too."

In betweens.  Yeah, I guess I'm an inbetween.  I could have spoken up.  That's technically harassment in the workplace and not acceptable.  It's a work rule violation.  But I honestly don't believe it came from a place of maliciousness.  They didn't intend to be mean.  

It still hurt.  

Anyway, I didn't mean to get this bogged down in the 'my experiences' story line.  I was just happy to see all this variety and was surprised to see how fractured this group is yet still have them all gather up in one group.  I'll fly many flags, but I'll always show my pride. With either a six stripe rainbow flag or a Progressive Pride Flag.  

Happy Pride Month everybody!