Big Fish, Hipsters, and more

You know, it's been a long LONG time since I've considered myself 'normal'.  I think that time was around junior high school... I was smarter than many of my classmates but not the smartest among them.  I was big but didn't play sports.  I was in the band, but played the trombone (not exactly the 'cool' instrument even when compared to all the 'non cool' band instruments).

This is about the time in life where cliques and social groups form... and my clique was made up of people that didn't fit into other groups.  We were smart and nerdy, but not brilliant.  We were musically talented, but not really musicians.  We saw 'normal' all around us but were never part of it ourselves.

I think that was the beginning of a true self awareness.  I wasn't accepted as 'normal' so I didn't truly ever seek to be normal.  Sure, I was still a teenager and still wanted to be accepted.  I just didn't make any strong strides to fit in.  It was a long journey from that to where I am now, but I think that was the first step.  You see... I may be a hipster.




Hipster as defined by the Urban Dictionary is:

Hipsters... value independent thinking, counter-culture, progressive politics, an appreciation of art and indie-rock, creativity, intelligence, and witty banter 

I put a very high value on independent thinking.  I appreciate opinions even when different from my own, but only when they can be defended.  When they are well thought out and not just "Well... because!".   I have a high appreciation of art, independent music (not necessarily just indie rock), creativity in all forms, intelligence and I just LOVE witty banter.  And while I don't like opposing culture just to oppose it, I don't think you need to follow common culture just because it's common or popular.

But then again, this is how the Oxford Dictionaries defines hipster as:

a person who follows the latest trends and fashions

Umm.... no I don't think so.   I tend to make my own opinion on what I like and don't follow trends or fashions.  In fact when I see something as 'popular' I tend to move away from it.  As with many things, I think 'Hipster' has changed.  Original 'hipsters' would have hated the idea of even having a name.  They were independent, liked what they liked, and tended to avoid populism.  But their own independence was deemed popular enough for others to emulate.  They wore vintage clothes because that's what they liked, but nowadays hipsters where vintage clothes because that's what makes them a hipster.  I imagine the real hipsters are now doing something entirely different that we wont' see for years... we'll only see it when it becomes popular enough to emulate and popular enough for them to move away from.

Mine was mid thigh, not below the knee!

Why am I talking about hipsters?  Well I bought a new coat.  I've worn a leather coat for winter wear since late in high school.  The first 'leather' coat I wore was a fake bomber style jacket.  I ripped the cheap material rather quickly and later bought my own real leather coat.  Years later I ripped the inner lining and had to replace it.  Instead of just buying another similarly generic styled coat I went for something.... retro?  I remembered those long lather coats that they were in "Carlito's Way" and found one for myself (not a small feat to find a slimming coat in a 3XL Tall size!).

Umm... no. 

I spent quite a bit on that coat and it ended up being a very good value... it lasted about 13 years.  Actually, if I'm honest, it lasted a good 10 years... I just couldn't afford to replace it for the last three years.  So as I now have the ability to replace it and the temps are starting to tank (YAY!!! I love the cold!) I figured it was time to get a good new coat.  At fist I just figured I'd get another coat in a similar style.  I mean I've never really disliked this coat, nor have I ever seen a coat that really caught my interest.  But a couple things were working against me.

First, leather coats aren't nearly as popular as they used to be.  I know, I know... I'm not in it for popularity.  But popularity does equate to availability.  There just aren't as many leather coats in stores as there used to be.   When stores do have lather, they are more often the stylish rice-rocket biker jackets, and that's just a style that has never appealed to me.   Second, the lather coats that ARE available are really quite expensive.  I don't mind spending a lot of money on a quality purchase, but if I can spend less for something that I like why not save the money and be equally happy?

So I went wandering to big stores just to see what my options were.  I ended up at Sears and saw a wool coat that caught my eye.  Like my current coat it's a 3/4 length (meaning it comes down to mid thigh), and looked like it would go with about everything.  It would look good when I'm wearing a suit and would look equally good when I'm wearing jeans and a printed Hawaiian style shirt (yes... I wear those during the winter!).  I tried it on, found a mirror and really liked the way it fit and looked.  It even included a feature that I never sought out... a scarf.

Mine's a bit longer... but this is close!

I didn't buy it even though it was priced an entirely reasonable $90.  I figured if I liked this style I may as well go out and look at other options.  So a week or so later I ended up at Burlington Coat Factory (hey... last years styles at bargain basement prices!?  Who cares if it looks like a flea market on the inside!) and found "My Coat".

It turns out 'My Coat' is a London Fog wool blended 3/4 length single breasted jacket.  Being wool it is INCREDIBLY warm... warmer than my leather even.  It has style... dare I say it even has panache.  And as odd it sounds (at least to me) I love that it has a scarf.  I can change the visual impact of this coat by simply changing out the scarf.  I know I could have just gotten a coat without a scarf and added one later, but just having it on the coat made me realize how much style it adds to the otherwise fairly bland wool texture.

When I brought it home I modeled it for my brother.  His reaction?  "What are you... some kind of hipster?"

And that right there is where I began to think of myself as a hipster.  My brother was no doubt trying to toss out a fun insult.... saying that I'm choosing this simply because it's the 'counter stylish' fad that hipsters are often looking for.  But I took his insult and pinned it to my chest as a badge of honor.  Yes... I'm a hipster as defined by the Urban Dictionary.  I'm independent, free thinking and appreciate art and creativity.  I'm not a hipster because I feel some desire to be looked at as one... I just happen to be one.  And now that I think of it in those terms, I can see how it all matches up.

I wrote about my search for Fiona.  One of the undertones that I was looking for was something... different.  I really didn't want to have a car that everyone else drives.  Sure, a Chevy Cruze is a nice enough car, but look around.... they're freaking everywhere!  Yes, the Focus is a common enough nameplate, but having it in the bright yellow makes it really stand out.  And remember I was originally going for the Veloster... I can still to this day count the times I've seen a Veloster on the road and not require my toes.  When I bought some new shoes recently I didn't go for the same old Oxfords that I've been wearing for years (they've become just to damn common)... instead I went for a more rare loafer.  I did get a pair of tennis shoes, but they are by Sketchers and look more like bowling shoes than athletic wear.  I wear my thick black framed glasses because everyone else seems enamored with thin wire frames nowadays.

I've even mentioned that my musical tastes tend to keep me off of the top 40 charts.  But when I hear a 'popular' song that I like... I still buy it.  I just buy it because I like it... not because it's popular.




So... the other night I was home alone.  Mom is over at my Aunt's house taking care of her (she had surgery to repair a very clogged carotid artery).  I wasn't in the mood for my normal late night television viewing or even the repeat of Rachel Maddow (I love that show!).  While flipping through the channels I came upon "Big Fish" and saw that it had started only a few minutes ago.  Thankfully it was on one of the 'movie' channels so I wouldn't be disturbed by editing or commercials.  Knowing that I wouldn't be up late enough to finish it I recorded it.

A couple days later now I've finished watching it... and WOW.  I really enjoyed this movie before, but I think I'm going to have to put this up into the 'my favorite movies' list.  I should say that I'm always a sucker for 'Son/Father' style stories or moments.  One of the most emotional and poignant scenes from any movie or television series is when Josh learns of Leo McGary's death in the seventh season of "The West Wing".  Yeah, Josh wasn't Leo's son, but they still had a father/son style relationship.  I've long ago stopped trying to hold back the tears when I see that scene play out.  I know it's going to happen and no amount of will power can make me stay stoic and emotionally balanced as I see my own pain portrayed by Bradly Whitford on screen.

So seeing as this movie is at it's core about a son coming back to say goodbye to his dying father resonates  with me quite deeply.  But what really propells this movie from a tear jerker to greatness is it's telling of how fantasy and reality combine to make up all of our lives.  If you haven't seen this movie (and you really REALLY should see it) it's about a father who told tall tales all of his life.  But at the core of every tall tale was a reality.  When he tells the story of  meeting the giant that's terrorizing his boyhood town, he really just made friends with a homeless tall man.  When he tells the story of meeting circus ring master that turns into a werewolf, he really just met a cantankerous man that could be mean at times.

While watching the movie and thinking about it afteward I thought about how this fantasy/reality plays out in the TG capping scene.  About how those everyday regular moments are so often turned into a TG fantasy.  Like how walking in the mall and seeing a group of teenage girls all chattering to each other can make us imagine being dressed up by the clique of cool girls and made to go shopping... terrorized thinking that someone will just know that we're an imposter but really enjoying being 'one of the girls'.  Or how seeing a man kiss a shy girl in a bar can make us imagine being magically transformed by our wife or girlfriend and being sent out to a bar to really experience what it is to be looked at as a man's conquest.

Super Nurse?

Most of us only experience these scenarios through our fantasies, but one of the morals that I took from "Big Fish" was how our fantasy enhanced reality can say a lot more about us than the mere facts of our lives.  For instance, I may just be a correctional nurse.  I educate inmates about health issues, and put bandaids and ice on their boo-boos.  But the fantasy version?  I'm a nurse beating death away and denying him any conquests while they're under my care.

So  while I may no longer feel like Caitlyn I'll still have something that I can take away from her... seeing the fantasy of the world and incorporating it into what I do.  Into who I am.

If you want to have that feeling too, then I highly suggest watching Big Fish.  And beyond that moral (or the tear jerking father/son story), it's just an excelent movie.  It stars such actors as Ewan McGregor, Albert Finney, Jessica Lange, Helena Bonham Carter, Robert Guillaume, and Danny DeVito and was directed by Tim Burton.  It's beautiful and wondrous and amazing to see.  It draws you into both the sad reality and the crazy fantasy in equal measure.  It's funny, dramatic and.... real.



I was going to talk about some other things... but I guess I woke up a bit to early.  Writing this post out for the past couple hours has already made me tired.  I might make another post this weekend where I'll talk a bit more about the job (fragile patients, lying patients, mobilizations, interviewing for the job I currently hold, and my coworkers), about a day off (three months and I've finally had a day off with nothing to do!), about what a 'real' nurse is, and about something that came to me while reading up on Joanna's Happiness blog... am I Asexual?

Until then... have fun in your fantasy (and your reality)!!

C