This is just a short post, but I wanted to share a few things. First and foremost, I'm still happy. I think I've figured out why it's so difficult to write about why I'm happy... because there has been a part of me that's expecting it to end. I've had stretches of good times before, but it's always felt like some other shoe was going to drop. That there was some problem just lurking around the corner, and that said problem was going to come out and take my knees out leaving me a kneeling weeping mess.
But that's just not happening. Sure, I still have the occasional bad day. Sure, I'm still sad about certain things. Sure, I know that my life isn't yet full and that there are many other things that I want to accomplish... but none of those things can keep my attention. Instead anytime I start to feel down, there is some happiness lurking around a corner waiting to help me stand up straight and smile.
In the last year or so of blogging I'd find myself particularly drawn down by certain songs. Sometimes the lyrics would get me, but more often than not it's just the sad tone that would bring my emotions crashing down. Well... I've just heard a sad song that pierces through my heart and brings a tear to my eye. But you know what? I'm still smiling.
The song is Tom Odell's "Heal". The lyrics are almost kind of uplifting, but the tone of the song is just downright sad:
Tom Odell's "Heal"
Take my mind and take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal.
Take my past and take my sins
Like an empty sail takes the wind
And heal.
And tell me some things last
And tell me some things last
Take my heart and take my hand
Like an ocean takes the dirty sands
And heal
Take my mind and take my pain
Like an empty bottle takes the rain
And heal
And tell me some things last
And tell me some things last
I believe if I heard this song 5 months ago it would have sent me spiraling down for days. Now? I"m just enjoying the sad beauty of the song. Instead of focusing on the man crying out for help, I'm focusing on being the one that can provide that help.
So life's going pretty good when I can take on a song like this and still be happy. Is everything perfect and good in my world?
- My aunt had surgery on her carotid artery and her recovery isn't going as well as hoped
- Jennifer's computer died and her Grandfather isn't doing all that well
- I don't get to talk to Jennifer or my other 'Caitlyn' friends all that often or for all that long
- My brother is still struggling to get out of his job and into one that will give him a living wage and a sense of honor
- I can't crack the window in my car when it's raining without being soaked
- I'm smoking more
- I'm gaining weight
But where these depressing things would easily overpower any happiness I felt, Joy is now crushing away any issue that comes up and gives me hope that things will get better. Other things that are making me happy?
- I've found that I can still cap... sometimes even 'hawt' captions
- I interviewed for the State Job and am now in the process of filling out paperwork.... I got hired
- I'm getting ready for that hunting trip and just got a Remington 870 shotgun
- My coworkers were sad when at first it seemed that I didn't get the job... and overjoyed when they learned that I really did get it
- I feel that I'm making a real difference in the lives of my patients
So... just a quick post. I really wanted to find a way to share this song and let you know that life is continuing to be good.
I, for one, am really glad to read this post! This is good news.
ReplyDeleteCongratulations on the job! That, alone, is worth a huge amount in joy that can crush the bad in life and having co-workers who want you there is another huge hit in your favour. I can definitely relate to that and I am just shy of jumping up and down in glee for you (no, really!). And making a difference is arguably the greatest tonic one can take.
I'll quit babbling, but know that reading this has made a difference elsewhere too. So pleased for you!