Football and capping

Before you look at the photo and turn away having no interest in my ramblings on college football, know that I'm going to talk a bit about capping as well... but that's the end of the post!

As you are probably aware, I'm not a huge sports fan.  I don't follow baseball (are the Tigers any good this year?), Pro Football (did the Lions lose all their games last year?), Basketball (did the Pistons win it all last year?), Hockey (how did Detroit end up as Hockeytown?), or any other sport.

That is, besides College Football.  I just can't get enough of College Football.  I don't care if the game is pitting Michigan Vs Alabama, or Western Kentucky Vs Morgan State, I'll be at least aware of the game and probably watching highlights from the game.  I spend most Thursday's picking my College Football Pickem picks, most of Friday adjusting said picks, all of Saturday watching the games (real games are ALWAYS played on Saturday!), then Sunday through Wednesday is spent reading highlights and prepping for the next weeks worth of games.

To the way things ARE!

"To the way things were."

"To the way things should be."

"To the way they shall be again!"

This was a toast that a close friend of mine and I would clink our glasses to when we started drinking.  It's meaning was both fun and serious and is something that we did for years together before our lives seperated.  It's something I still do to this day, although most people I clink glasses with don't ever understand it's deeper meaning. .

I'm sure you can gather what it means.  When we said "To the way things were" we were toasting all the good times that we had had before.  The good times we had in band (we both played the trombone in high school).  The good times we had playing games or watching sci-fi flicks.  The good times we had moving from a community college to four year universities.  The good times we had just jumping into one of our crappy cars, driving down the road and discussing philosophy and women.   We had a lot of good times together and instead of focusing on all the bad things that had happened in our lives, we looked at the past through rose colored glasses and saw only the good times.

What doesn't kill you makes you...

Sorry to be grim and all on a Friday, but being only a week removed from my needle stick scare has got me thinking about how I'll eventually die.

Before I bring everybody down, let me share some good news.  I just got back from my follow up visit to the clinic and got my test results.  I am (currently) HIV, Hepatitis C, Hepatitis B negative.  I will of course get further testing for HIV in late September, mid November, and mid February, but all signs are pointing to this being over.

Oh, and the inmate's test results came back.  He is HIV negative as well, although his Hepatitis C test came back 'indeterminate'.  He is getting tested again today as it's more than likely an issue with the lab rather than being suspect of being Hepatitis C positive.  If he IS positive for Hepatitis C, then there is a whole new issue to deal with.

Anywho... that's where I stand now.  But as I said, this whole issue got me thinking about how I'll die.  I'm only 39, but with my family history and my general health I can safely say that I've lived over half of my life.  You see, my family doesn't exactly have the best 'history' when it comes to health issues.

The Mind's Eye

In a recent comment, Dee told how she had went from a long haired rocker to a short haired biker (at least in looks).  This was in response to telling everyone that I used to sport a mullet.

Part of her comment got me thinking though... she asked "How in general DID you picture Damien and Dee? How do you picture other members of the other blog?"  And of course she even suggested that perhaps the answer would make for a fun post.

Well... here is my response.  I'm not sure how in depth I'll go as I'm more or less writing this on the spur of the moment, but I'll try to cover several people and explain why I picture some people as women while I picture other's as men.

I guess first thing I should do is explain how I saw Caitlyn.  At first I really didn't have an image in mind for Caitlyn.  I just pressed most of my own desires onto her looks.  She'd have red hair, a shapely figure, high cheekbones, plump lips and a cute button nose.  Beyond that, I didn't really give it much thought.

But as time wore on, I started picking out avatars and even playing role playing games based on Caitlyn.  I believe that the first real look that 'Caitlyn' had in my mind (beyond a sexy masked woman)  was Faye Reagan.

Being happy without rubbing everyone's nose in it

As you'll find with my rambling posts, I tend to cover a lot of subjects.  None of these thought processes are worth an entire post, but I'd like to share them all.

Today, I'd like to cover several things.  A little more history about myself (just so I can later reference certain parts of my life without having to fully explain it then and there), trying to be upbeat without upsetting others, and the fact that I still see caps whenever I look at images online.

I'll probably end up going off on some tangent and talking about other things as well, but for now I want to start with those topics.

I'm actually going to save the history for last, as it's quite long and it's not necessarily something I want to actively discuss... just put out there.  So let's start with staying upbeat without upsetting others.

So I needed a new car (part two... the dream, the search and the purchase)

When I started to write up my car shopping experience earlier this week, I intended to give a brief history of my cars just so you'd know where I was coming from.  I wanted to let you know that while I've owned several nicer cars, I've never owned a car that was less than 4 years old.  That I've never had a car with a warranty.  And most of all, that while I've had my share of clunkers, that I've loved most of my cars and truly wanted to love my next car.

Yeah... that didn't work out really well at all.  I couldn't help but write quite a bit about each car as just remembering each of them brought up so many interesting memories.

But as my original intent was to write up what I went through to buy a different car, I still wanted to share that process with you.  It's an oddball mixture of heart, brain, soul, desire, mathematics, and changing desires.  So here's my story:

One of my worst fears realized (updated 8/19/2013)

What's that alarm that's going off?  Is it time to wake up?  No, that can't be it as I'm always up by 8AM.  Is it some event that I wanted to attend?  No, I don't schedule things that early in the morning.  Is it a television show that I wanted to watch?  No, if I wanted to watch something at a particular time I would just add it to the DVR schedule.

Oh yeah, it's the alarm reminding me that it's time to take my medicine.  It's time to take my Combivir tablet.

If you haven't heard of Combivir it's a particularly nasty drug with many detrimental side effects.  These side effects include such mundane things as headache, chills, fever, sore throat, tiredness, weakness, abdominal pain, muscle tenderness pain and numbness, nausea and yellowing eyes and skin.  More severe side effects can include trouble breathing, lactic acidosis, and liver failure.

You see, Combivir is a combination drug that has both Lamivudine and Zidovudine.  Ziduvudine is generically known as azidothymidine or often shortened down to AZT.  Lamivudine is generically known as 2',3'-dideoxy-3'-thiacytidine, often shortened to 3TC.  Both of these drugs are nucleoside analog reverse transcriptase inhibitors.

 When used together they're often referred to as 'the cocktail'.

The HIV cocktail.

Go

I had an issue come up at work.  The backaches that have plagued me for the past few years came back with a vengeance and about five hours into my shift I asked to go home early.

I really REALLY hate doing that especially considering that I've only been there for a month, but I had all my day's work done and would have spent the next few hours doing menial tasks and suffering the entire time.  Heading home and making sure I got my back into working order for the next day seemed like a good idea and my supervisor agreed.

On my drive home I figured this would give me a good opportunity to write up the second half of my car shopping post and go through the search process I used to find my new car.  When I got home I laid out on the couch to get my back righted and found a surprise waiting for me on the DVR.  It seems that last night the search function I put into it months ago paid off and it had not only found but recorded one of my favorite films.  Go.

If you haven't seen this riotously funny movie from 1999, then I can't recommend it with more vigor.

So I needed a new car (part one... a drive down memory lane)

So one of the things that I've wanted to do since I graduated was to get a new car.  It's not that my car was really all that bad (although it wasn't all that good either), or that I felt it was nearing its failure point.

No... to me it was a sign of 'making it'.  To be able to afford a new or at least a fairly new car and do so without having to break the bank meant that I had attained a status that very few in my family had ever achieved.

Cars are kind of a big thing with my family.  I often get kidded by my friends with just how car obsessed (and car poor) my family is.  I may not be worth a limp rag when working on a car, but I can talk intelligently about almost every single american car maker, and the vast majority of foreign cars as well.  Chevy, Ford, Dodge.  Cadillac, Lincoln, Chrysler.  Toyota, Honda, Volkswagen.  Hyundai, Kia,  Mazda.  I've looked at and dreamed about cars form most of these companies and so many more.  And starting in January 2012, I started not only looking seriously at cars, but budgeting out how much I could pay.

Welcome!

Hello again!  I almost feel like I should introduce myself.  I don't know how all of you are, but I tend to get a mental image of people that I communicate with online and a big part of that is their name.  I highly doubt that anyone has correctly imagined what I look like while I was using the name 'Caitlyn'.  And if you did, then what the hell made you imagine 'me' from the name 'Caitlyn'!!?!

Anywho... I don't really have a preferred name.  You almost all know me as either Caitlyn or Calvin.  Neither are my true name.  You all know about the birth of Caitlyn, but lemme take a moment to describe Calvin.  Calvin is my middle name and for decades now has been the basis of all my online handles.  I worked once with a group that included several people that shared my first name, so to differentiate myself I went by Calvin there as well.  So, calling me Calvin isn't jarring at all.

But I know that most of you know me, and continue to think of me as Caitlyn.  That's fine.  Have you ever had that friend that tried to force a new nickname on himself?  He wouldn't respond to his normal name and demanded that everyone call him something new?  Well I'm not that guy.  If you feel comfortable referring to me as Caitlyn then I'm not going to bat a lash or get upset at all.  Hell... I find it hard to not sign off a letter or post within this community and NOT use Caitlyn myself.  I do think I've found a halfway point that I'm comfortable with and that won't rock any boats... I'll sign off as simply "C".  If you think of me as Caitlyn, then you can add the rest there.  If you'd prefer to think of me as Calvin, it fits as well.  And ironically my first name (if you haven't realized yet, I won't share my first name) also starts with a C... so it works for me perfectly.

Let's see... what else can I tell you about 'me'....

Going Dark

If you are reading this post, then you should already know that many things have changed since my last post in February.  The whole idea of this blog was to write a TG themed story, but my interest in that endeavor faded.  I kept the blog up with the intention of returning to the idea, but if you've kept up with my other blog "Caitlyn's Masks", then you are aware that I'll probably never write this story out.

Instead, I'm going to re-task this blog into being a diary of sorts.  A way to keep in contact with all the friends that I've met over the years as Caitlyn.  It won't be a blog about "Caitlyn" in the sense of me talking about an exploration of my femininity.  Instead it will be me sharing the details and moments that make up my real life.  My job, my wants, my desires.  My friends, my family, my relaxation.  In other words... all the things that I haven't been able to share publicly without fear of someone in my real life being able to identify 'Me'.

To make sure these things aren't out in the open though, I'm going to have to close the doors here and let people in individually.  My closest friends will simply have to let me know which email address they use to log into blogger as that's the identification information blogger requires.  Anybody that has an interest in reading my normal every day musings is free to do so... but I won't just let anybody in.  To ensure that no one from my real life sneaks in and figures out who I am, I'll need to see at least a little proof that you are a member of this special community.  If you host a TG blog yourself, then you're more than welcome here.  If you commented on Caitlyn's Masks, then you're in.  If you are a member of Rachel's Haven, then you're invited.

I'll make the blog private in about a week (more than likely on August 10th or 11th).  If you want in, you'll just have to let me know your email so I can add you.  Send an email to me at 'caitlynmasked at gmail dot com', or send me a PM at the Haven.