If you're following along, then nothing has really changed. Still job searching, still not feeling happy, not writing. But enough things have happened that I figured I owed an update.
Health
I had a follow up appointment with Dr. C, my second Neurologist. The day before I saw him I had a really bad case of brain fog but no other symptoms of a migraine. I've had that happen a few times but hadn't given it much thought. Since it had happened just the day before though, I brought it up. He was a bit concerned as it's a possible side effect of the Namenda. As long as everything otherwise was going okay, which it is, we decided to taper off the Namenda. I was taking 10mg three times a day and went immediately down to twice a day for a week. Later this week I'll drop to just once a day for another week, then be off of it entirely. I've set up an appointment for myself a month later to assess it. If I feel there are more migraines or if the brain fog hasn't gone away, I'm to contact Dr. C immediately. Otherwise I'll see him in April.
I also reported that the previous medication didn't work, so he prescribed a new one. Fioricet. It has acetaminophen, caffeine, and a barbiturate called butalbital. The main tag against taking Fioricet for migraines is that the barbiturate can become addictive and repeated use can lead to rebound headaches. As I had so many migraines before, those risks were too high. Now that I have less migraines though, it's worth a try.
I mentioned my insurance in the Finances section in the last update, but it belongs here now as it's affecting my healthcare. My insurance provider did NOT cancel my insurance. Evidently, after several calls, they found out that my insurance was canceled on December 17th when I called but then reinstated an hour later. As I was instructed to ignore everything, I did... until I got a bill for $3000. It's now canceled again, but I'm still not able to get a Medicaid health plan. I'm hoping to call them later today to figure that out as I need to get two prescriptions renewed.
Mental health wise, I'm low. Real low. I see NP M tomorrow morning and I'll get her to up my Paxil. I can't risk being so low that I screw up a job interview.
Physical health wise, I'm doing fine. Nothing new.
Finances
Not paying for health insurance pushes my need for money out past March. Once I do my mid month payments, I'll update my spreadsheet to see exactly how far out it goes. I'm just praying my money will last until I get a job as Mom has already been thinking about how to 'help' me and that includes selling her car.
Family/Friends
I know it can't happen soon, but I saw a YouTube video and got an idea for a fun vacation. A road trip, but have it be like a road trip in the 90s. No smartphones, no wifi, only a flip phone for emergencies, otherwise no phone. Paper maps, cameras without a preview, social media blackout. It would be a blast.
It'd be great if we could do it like the video I saw, with a 90s style RV.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m8B6apWJQEg&t=1s
It'd be tough to do this with A and E as E is now living in south east Asia but it might be possible to do this with A and his family. I imagine J, A's wife, would like it. And their kids would be blown away with what life was like without constant technology.
Mom is sick. Fighting a cold. It doesn't seem to be influenza or COVID, but of course any worsening of her breathing is scary. R is doing well. B is rough, fighting his anxiety attacks. The meds aren't really working and its frustrating for him no matter how supportive his job is.
Entertainment
I'm enjoying Star Wars Clone Wars, but it IS a show made for kids and that makes it hard to binge. I decided last week to take a break from it and watch Stranger Things season 5 since that just wrapped. It's good so far. I forgot how cheesy some of the story telling is. For example when they're in the Upside Down and run the BMW into the wall, why the hell is it like 10 feet up into the wall? I'm also not really happy with how the whole town starts out under quarantine. That just feels... constrained? I wouldn't mind the military being a big part of it, but do they have to control the whole town?
New Tech
They keyboard problem is getting worse. I'm noticing random double key presses on D, T, I, and sometimes the spacebar. IF I type long enough, like writing this post out, it almost entirely goes away. But if I'm just typing a thing here and a thing there, it's bad. I wish I had the hot swappable keys like the other keyboard did.
Other than that, tech has been fine.
Writing
I'm completely stuck here. I think I'll have to do an Interlude to get back into writing. That'll help me plan out the next few 'months' in the story so I can reference back to it in the Interlude. That'll be the trip with Darnell, the beginning of the dates with Ari, and maybe Paris falling more into the bimbo role as empowering.
Michigan Football
Michigan hired Kyle Whittingham as their new Head Football Coach. He had been the Utah head coach for 21 years and had just stepped down and gave the reigns to the 'coach in waiting' a couple days after Michigan fired Coach Moore. At first I didn't like the hire as it didn't seem flashy enough, but he's coached a lot, has plenty of coaching left in him, has run a clean program, has done well in identifying talent and has developed it well. He's even worked with multiple offensive and defensive coordinators, showing that his previous success wasn't just his subordinates. And he's known success. He won the PAC12 twice and won the Rose Bowl once. His winning average over the same timeframe of Harbaugh's time is the same.
For the playoff, we're down to the final two teams. It sounds so weird to say this, but Indiana is the lone undefeated team left! INDIANA! They'll face off against Miami IN Miami and they're like a touchdown-plus favorite. To get to this point in the playoff they didn't just beat Alabama in the Rose Bowl and Oregon in the Peach Bowl, they demolished both teams. Alabama didn't even score a touchdown against them! And even though the national championship is in Miami, giving them a huge advantage fan wise, Indiana had about 90% of the stadium full of their fans at both the Rose and the Peach. They should represent well in Miami!
Job Search
I'm going to do a 'Get To Work' post to update this. Suffice it to say, I've moved on from the State Prison system.
Recall
The recall went fine. On my way to the dealership I got a warning about my tire pressure sensors. So, when I pulled up in the service bay, I had three issues for them. They recall itself, the lock/unlock button, and now the tpms sensors. I figure the sensors are on Discount Tire who just sold me my winter wheels and tires, but having the dealership check it out first made sense.
The recall went fine. No issues.
They didn't find anything wrong with the lock/unlock button. I hoped it was fixed by the recall itself as it worked fine for me in the dealership parking lot. Unfortunately when I got home... it stopped working.
They couldn't get any reading on the tire pressure sensors and recognized them as different ones from the factory originals. I thanked them for looking and instead of driving home, took Tatiana immediately to Discount Tire where I complained about the problem. To their credit, they figured out the problem quickly. The sensors they sold me were compatible with Lincoln Nautiluses from 2023 and earlier. NOT 2024 or later. As that was their bad, they got Tatiana in, pulled the sensors out, and put new compatible sensors in. It took like an hour and a half, but at least it was a job done and done well.
When I Die
So when I was 'planning' out my suicide in late 2024, part of that planning was how I'd say goodbye to everybody. I mean, I'd have to let my family know, my close friend A, E, and a few others know, and my online friends know. And how would my family get to all of my digital files? My contact phone numbers? My tax documents?
With that in mind I knew I'd have to make a 'When I Die' document. I specifically did NOT make that document then as it would be too easy to continue with the suicide if I had it ready. But that problem, identifying people upon my eventual death, is still valid. What if I just drop from a heart attack? Or a car accident?
So, last week I made my 'When I Die' document. It felt creepy dealing with everything that would come up, but it also felt very satisfying when it was done. I've printed up the list and put it in my filing cabinet. I then told Mom and R what it is and where it is. That way if/when I pass, that information will be available to them.
And it's not just a list of people to tell. It's my bank accounts, my finances, my digital life, my passwords, my phone, my computer, my Google life... even my Caitlyn life. I have them telling two people in my Caitlyn life so that if/when I do pass, hopefully word will get out here and other places and people will know that I've passed away and not just gone silent.
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