Migraine
I guess the migraines are holding steady. I've now had a pattern of a 5 day migraine followed by 7 or 8 days without a migraine going back to mid November. I'm on day 8 of not having a migraine, but I'm afraid it's coming on today. My morning headache hasn't gone away and I feel a little fuzzy headed.
I took my last dose of Depakote on Sunday and haven't noticed any difference. As I said, the migraine pattern seems to be continuing and my muscle tremors are still there. I see my mental health NP tomorrow, so I'd imagine she'll be on board with me starting the Cogentin. Speaking of medicine, I still haven't received my prescription for the Qulipta that Dr. C started me on. The last demo dose that he gave me in his office gets me through this Saturday, but I'm waiting to see if their pharmacy can get more pills to me before then (it's not like they'll be delivered on Sunday). I saw that the pre-authorization for the medication went through and I even got an email with a Qulipta saving card. It was sent from the drug manufacturer, so I have to assume that the prescription is coming along. I guess if I don't hear from the pharmacy today, I'll give them a call tomorrow morning.
*** Update from a couple hours later***
The pharmacy called and I'll have the prescription delivered by Friday. Nice.
Mental Health
I think I've leveled off. The most important thing that I wanted was to NOT be thinking of suicide. It's disturbing and I know damned well that I can make and carry off a plan, so not having those thoughts is what I was after. If that's the only goal, then we're at 100% success. Beyond some generic "I can't continue to live like this" migraine suffering thoughts, I don't think of ending my life. My level of happiness has dropped though. I was happier last week and I was happier the week before that. I'm not exactly depressed, but more 'normal'. I imagine that's fine.
I have to say that I'm kind of confused with what I'm supposed to get out of my therapy. I see him every two weeks and for the last three visits we've basically just chatted. One topic just moving into the next. I'm not 'working' on anything. I asked a few sessions ago about what my goals in the therapy should be as I'm very goal oriented, but it was at the end of the session and he said we should talk about it next time. I forgot to bring it up twice now. I guess I'll just have to try and remember it next time.
Physical Health
I increased my dose of Flowmax. It's helping a bit but not fully. I'm going to wait a few more weeks until I assess it though.
About the only other issue that's come up has been my cold tolerance. Or rather, my lack of it. We keep the temperature in the house at 67 during the winter daytime. My bedroom (where I spend the VAST majority of my time) happens to have a direct line off the furnaces blower, so I get the biggest impact of it working. I also have my computer on almost all day and with its big video card and hot processor, it keeps my room a little warmer than the rest of the house.
I didn't really notice this until my computer was down and out and I had to use the laptop for a week. That week, I lost that extra degree or more and noticed I was chilly. Not outright cold, but I wanted to be a little warmer. A couple times I turned the temp up a couple degrees just to get the furnace rolling, but that ends up heating the rest of the house and of course it's temporary as the temp goes back down to 67. I briefly thought about asking Mom if she'd like the temp turned up more all the time, but then I realized both she and R have been maintaining their warmth with more layers for a long LONG time. I just never had to do it myself.
I thought to myself that this new cold feeling might be drug induced or just aging. But if its only a few degrees, why not throw a sweater or sweatshirt on. R wears this nice soft University of Michigan pull over that would work great. I started searching on Amazon for something that would work, hoping to find a zip up one as I'd rather wear it like a jacket to give me that little bit of extra control. If I put it on and it's too warm, I can unzip it and open the front up more. If it's not doing enough, I can zip it up fully and keep more warmth in. I found one that might work, but it was as ugly as sin. When I thought about the size I'd need, I remembered when I bought some Prison branded jackets back a few years ago. One had turned out the perfect size while the other was comically too big. The one that fit perfectly was a true jacket and not something I'd consider wearing inside. But the comically oversized one was a zip up hoodie. Sure, I'd intended it to be used as a jacket, but it's the right feel that I want now. It's soft as all get out and best of all, I barely wore it as it makes me look like a child who borrowed his father's coat. If I'm sitting in my room alone or putzing around the house with Mom and R, who the hell cares that I'm wearing an oversized hoodie.
I went downstairs, found it, put it on, and smiled. I could actually be financially responsible and NOT buy something new. I already had exactly what I needed.
Now that my computer is back up and running, I don't use the hoodie in my room that much. But when I head out to help mom with dinner or to watch TV with her (I've done quite a bit of that with the college football playoff), I can slip it on and be happy.
Finances
This is just another area where I'm waiting. My long term disability hasn't been extended. I waited until a couple days after the deadline for new paperwork, hoping they were just waiting for that but nothing happened, so I sent them a message on their online system asking for clarification.
I'm not sure if this is me being paranoid or it's just the way they operate, but I never seem to get what I really want in writing, which is why I sent the message in instead of calling as I wanted their response to be written down. Well, their written response was that they'd call me. I got a call and my case manager said that she had hoped to push my extension through without problem, but it needed to go under a full review.
I just now logged into their online system and am even more confused. When I look under 'claim activity' it used to have a message on December 27th saying that my supporting documentation had been received and would be reviewed within 2 business days. After that it had April 8th with an estimated full return to work date. That's what my paperwork said back in August, and my updated paperwork in December said. But now there is a new message dated March 13th, saying that in order to make a determination they need information on my LTD claim to substantiate my claim. Uh... what? You KNOW you'll need updated information two months from now? Three and a half weeks before I next see my neurologist (the return to work date is my next appointment). That doesn't make a damned bit of sense.
Weirder is that under 'Benefits' it now has a new begin and end date. Beginning on January 1st and ending on September 3rd of this year my benefit frequency has been approved for once a month at $5,000. So.... let's look at this convoluted timeline:
12/27/2024 - My neurologist's updated paperwork is received, saying that I can't return to work until 4/8/2025 and have an appointment with him on that same day (this is how the company wanted it as they NEED a date of when I can return and I can ask for an extension if it's still needed)
01/13/2025 - The last day I can submit paperwork to extend my LTD
01/17/2025 - I get a call back from them saying that they need to completely review my paperwork
01/21/2025 - I log in and see the next dates which are new
01/01/2025 - 09/03/2025 - My benefits have been approved at $5,000 a month
03/13/2025 - I'll need more information to substantiate my claim
04/08/2025 - I can fully return to work (which would stop my disability benefits).
I am just having trouble parsing all of that. Am I good? Do I need to provide more information now? Do I need to provide more information in March? Am I good through April 8th? Am I good through September 3rd?
I hate this company SO much. I guess like I said last time... it's a waiting game. They'll either contact me and let me know that they need more information or they'll pay me at the end of this month. I have no idea which will happen.
***Update from a couple hours later***
I got a call from the LTD company. Or rather, a call from one of their nurses. I guess my claim is still being worked through. They'd put a request for more information from my primary neurologist, Dr. W, but they hadn't heard from him. I told the nurse about Dr. C and the new med and she seemed happy with it. And while I know she has nothing to do with lines of communication, I laid into her about how frustrating it was to have one way communication. Me having practically no way to talk to them and them texting, emailing, and calling me when ever they want.
Anyway, the situation is still wait and see, but at least I have evidence that it's being worked on.
Family/Friends
R has gotten over his COVID symptoms and seems fine. Mom is still dealing with hers but she's improved. She took all the medication and like every time she gets sick, I'm sure this will be a long recovery process.
Entertainment
I finished the Americans and agree with my brother B that it's one of the best series out there. It's cohesive, has great acting, a good story arc and complicated characters that grow and change over the course of the series. My only problem with it is the last season. It 'jumps' forward by a few years for no particular reason and feels rushed to get to the finale. It's not bad enough to lower my opinion of the series, but its bad enough that I wished for a better ending.
I moved on to The Rookie next. This is the first network television show that I've watched in a LONG LONG time. The reason it caught my eye was two fold. First, it stars Nathan Fillion who is one of my favorite actors. He was great in Fire Fly and I even enjoyed him on Castle years ago. As the series had been renewed for a 7th season I realized it had to be good enough to get picked up that far. The other thing that caught my eye was the YouTube shorts. I kept getting these 1 minute or so clips from the show that were good. Some were action, some were dramatic, and a lot of them were funny. Just like Nathan. So, instead of going with something shorter or something that would normally be next up on my plate, I figured I'd give this a good try.
At first, after maybe the first 4 episodes, I was hooked. Good story, good characters, and a good mix of action, drama, and humor. The basic premise is that Nathan plays a middle aged man that went to Law School and worked constructions jobs for years finally divorced his wife when their son turned 18 and decided to move to L.A. and become a police officer. He's a forty something year old Rookie. His teaching officer (and most officers on the force) are younger than him and his fellow Rookies are half his age. His Sargent dislikes the entire idea of him being a cop while the captain is supportive of it. I know from the clips that he eventually becomes a teaching officer himself, but I'm assuming that's in the 6th season.
Now, this far more of a classic network show as opposed to the modern streaming shows. First, it has 20 episodes per season. The only exceptions are the 3rd season with 14 episodes and the 6th season with 10 episodes. The 7th season is ongoing and it only has 3 episodes so far. I'm really used to shows with between 8 and 12 episodes per season. Second, as of the 11th episode of the first season this is more in the 'procedural' show as opposed to the whole season or series being one story. Yes, there are some story arcs developing, but each episode starts with a cold open, it establishes the story (last one was the VP visiting L.A.), the characters go through that established story, and then it ends all wrapped up with a nice big bow. Seriously, there are only a few story lines that feel like they've been started and not continued or ended. What that means to me is that I've watched 11 episodes. I'm not "Eleven Episodes In", I've watched 11 episodes that could have practically come in any order.
Right now, I'm still in the mood to watch it. I've given up on Billions and will mothball the rest of it, but I'm still going to give this a go. I might make it all the way through, but I'm not holding out hope for that.
Music wise, I've found a new song that tickles my fancy. Now, don't get me wrong as I find good songs on most weeks. It's been a good few years for music as far as I'm concerned. But rarely do I find a song that I want to hear over an dover and over and over again. This one is different. I got it 2 days ago and have listened to it over 30 times so far. I'd guess more than that as I'll sometimes skip back to listen to it again just before it ends which means Apple Music doesn't count that as a 'listen'. Either way, it's a lot. I present to you Desfado by Ana Moura:
The song is in Portugues and, to me at least, sounds so upbeat and happy. After a dozen or so listens I wanted to see what I was bopping my head to so I found a lyrics site that not only lists the lyrics but translates them to English:
It’s my destiny’s wish that I don’t believe in destiny
My fado song is to have no fado song to sing
It’s to sing it without having even felt it
To sense it like no one else, but being senseless at the same time
Oh how sad this joy that I have is
Oh how glad, this deep sadness!
To wait that someday I won’t be waiting one more day
For someone that never arrives and that has been present here
Oh how I long
To have something to long for
To have longings for someone
That has been here and does not exist
To feel sad
Just because I’m feeling so well and happy
To feel happy
Just because I’m feeling so sad
Oh if only I could sing no more “if only I could”s
And feel sorry just for not having anything to be sorry about
Maybe I could hear, then, as I fell silent,
A voice of my own here inside me, singing about someone
Oh what misfortune, this good luck befallen on me!
Oh what good luck to live in such an unfortunate manner
With the ineptitude that no thing is more certain
Than the great incertitude of being certain about nothing
It's not blowing up my mind, but it's a wonderful dichotomy that I just dig.
New Tech
I got a new phone charger. It's nothing really special, but it solves a couple problems for me. I saw something like it first on Facebook. It's a three way charger, designed to work with your phone, your watch, and your ear pods. Here's what a basic one looks like designed for an Apple iPhone and such:
The wireless charger I had before was just a flat one that sat on my desk. The only reason I didn't like it was that it took up valuable desk space yet I couldn't clearly see the screen when the phone was charging. When I saw this I thought it'd be nice to have something for both my phone and my watch as it'd also take my watch charger off the desk. And with it being a stand, my phone would face me and make it easier to check on while it was charging.
Knowing that the one I saw on Facebook was specific for Apple, I looked for one that would work with a Pixel or Google phone. The first one I saw really caught my attention as it not only was designed for a Pixel, it was designed for the Pixel Fold!
This is probably when I came off the rails as I should have realized I didn't have exactly what I wanted so I should just stop. But I couldn't. I couldn't leave it alone and started looking and looking and looking. After an hour or so I couldn't find any that would work with the Fold like the one above. Most would work with the Pixel Fold, but it would just have to remain folded. Not a deal breaker.
The issue was finding one with 'everything'. I wanted a plain looking one so that when it's not being used it would just blend into the background. Many of them had a clock on the bottom that I'd rather not have. I wanted one that was wireless and a lot of them were actually just holders with a USB port. I've had something like that before and it's a pain to get it lined up. Wireless all the way. And finally, I needed it for the Pixel Watch 3.
I must have looked at dozens of docks on Amazon and even found the manufacturers website. I had to compromise somewhere as none of the hundreds of docks I wanted had everything. So I found one that had was wireless, said it worked with the Pixel Watch 3, and would work with the Pixel Fold so long as you used the included pad (it raised the phone up as the wireless coil in the Pixel Fold and Pixel Pro 9 Fold are both too low). The compromise was that it had a clock on the bottom. I was sold when I saw that the clock could at least be dimmed.
When it arrived I set it up and was immediately impressed. It felt like a quality product. Sure, it's still plastic, but at least it feels well put together and heavy, not light and cheap. I flipped out the watch charger and made sure it worked for my watch and it does. I put the little pad on it to raise the phone up before putting my phone on and saw it start wirelessly charging. The pad though wasn't attached to anything. It just sat on the little shelf and could be lost with a big enough bump. On a lark I took the pad off and replaced my phone and happily found out that my phone charged just fine without the pad. Maybe the 9 Pro Fold needed it, but mine didn't. And the last thing that made me happy is finding out that the clock can not only be dimmed, it can be turned off. The whole thing is now just a black shadow sitting off to my right, leaving me more desktop space without the flat charger or the specific watch charger. I even still have the flat pad in back where the ear pods would go (I don't have ear pods) to charge other things as that's just a generic wireless Qi charger.
Writing
I had a couple bursts of writing. I got three chapters out between January 11th and January 14th. That mainly covered Sadie getting her car which is important as it sets up her later return to desperately needing money (which will lead her into a more adult streaming experience). Then it covered her last lab with Todd where he was prepared to rape her again, but she was saved by Marley and Sarah. I even had fun writing her morals up as Sarah and Marley wanted Todd to be forced to suck Sadie off as he'd done to her, but Sadie steps up and refuses that part of the punishment. Todd's now out of the picture (unless I find some good reason for him to come back into the story).
Next up is her sexual lessons. I'm close to being done with this part so I'll probably just get into the hand job. Finally I'll finish this part with her trip to Japan and finding out how fucked she is when she gets demonetized on all her streaming accounts.
The problem is just the oomph. I'm tapped out on this story. Even when I don't have a migraine, I'm finding my interest lagging. Sure, I enjoy the story and want to get it written out, but it's not driving me like it has for the last few months. That makes me fairly sure that I'll step away form Gamer Gurl for my next project. I keep thinking about the secretary story, so I might go back into that, read up what I've written, and see if I can do better in the CHYOA style.
Michigan Football
Technically Michigan Football was finished on my last update, but I'll have this one last post to cover the rest of the playoff.
Well, Ohio State beat Texas handily. At the end Texas had a chance, but they had a rare fumble that one of the Ohio State defensive stars picked up and ran back for a touchdown. That finished off the SEC.
I fell asleep for a lot of the Penn State v Notre Dame game but saw that Notre Dame won on a last minute field goal.
The Championship game was last night. Ohio State vs Notre Dame. A little part of me was rooting for Ohio State as that would look good for the B1G and would feel good for Michigan as they'd have beaten the 'National Champion'. But honestly, most of the game was making fun of the fact that both B and I wanted both teams to lose as they're both Michigan rivals. Notre Dame started good, fell pretty far behind, and then caught almost all the way back up. Almost. Ohio State won it.
Overall, I think the playoff went well. Unless we find out that having the byes is a continued problem (as all four teams this year with a bye lost), I think it should continue as is. You could talk about the Confrence champions not automatically getting the bye which would have left Arizona State and Boise State to host a semi final and given the byes to Ohio State and Texas (I think). But honestly, Texas struggled against Arizona State and that game wasn't done until the last seconds. So again, unless we do this for a few years and find that it's a problem, I don't see a reason to 'fix' it. The only way you could argue it needs fixing is that it's not set up in the same way as the NFL. Well you know what, if I wanted to watch the NFL playoffs, I'd watch the NFL playoffs. I want College Football and College Football with its over 100 teams and ten radically stratified conferences is quirky. I like quirky. It's a feature, not a bug.
That being said, I'd be naive if I didn't believe they'd change nothing. I don't know what they'll change, but I think they're going to change something for next year. And then there is room to re-write everything for the following year.
Computer Issues
The computer is running well. No wallpaper problems, no mice problems, no software funny business. The only continuing issue is the Apple Music one and I imagine that will be weeks or months to track down all the songs that need to be deleted and re-downloaded.
No comments:
Post a Comment