I primarily wanted to write a post about the depression I'm going through as it's on my mind a lot lately. But I figured before I do that, I should write an update on everything so that we're all on the same page. So forgive me if this is a short update.
Migraine
It feels like its been a rough month for migraines. I had a ten day migraine that started in late August and ended on September 4th. I had four non migraine days followed by a seven day migraine. I had a single non migraine day (and understand, the day after a migraine ALWAYS has a major headache), and then followed that with another nine day migraine. Three days off and then my current migraine started on the 28th. If today is another migraine day, which I fully expect it to be, I'll have had 25 migraine days, 14 or 15 of which I couldn't have worked on.
The really frustrating thing is that objectively, that's not a big change. While it certainly feels bad, I had 22, 21, and 23 migraines the previous three months. Yes it's up, but not by a big margin.
I know that I still have to wait out the low dose naltrexone (LDN). I'm on the 3.0mg for the next few days and have the 4.5mg dose to start on Thursday. I'll stay on that for a couple weeks and see if there is any changes before reporting it to my neurologist.
Speaking of neurologists, I still haven't heard from the other neurologist. Maybe I'll give them a call and make sure I'm on some kind of list to be seen.
Other Health
I was beyond stupid yesterday. Or rather, my migraine stopped me from thinking clearly through a simple procedure.
To properly set this up, I need to put out some facts. First, I hate feet. Always have, always will. I don't like my feet, I don't like patients feet, I don't think feet are sexy, I just don't like them. That leads to me hating caring for my own feet, including cutting my toe nails down. Second, because I don't care for my feet in the best way possible, they're not in great shape. The nails are all thick and one has a serious fungus problem... but I don't want to do anything about it as we look back at the first point... I hate feet.
Second, I'm diabetic. I NEED to care for my feet. A long term problem with diabetes is numbness or tingling in areas of your body, specifically your feet. I have SOME numbness there. I can feel, but it constantly feels like I'm wearing thick socks, so some sensations are muted. Like the volume is turned down. The reason that this requires extra care is that as a diabetic, I can cut my feet and not feel it. Since I'm of course walking on these feet, that can lead to an infection which can get bad real quick. So, I look at the bottom of my feet daily and try to keep the nails trimmed. Try.
Final fact, a reminder that one of the most insidious facts of my migraines is that they keep me from thinking clearly. Sometimes it makes me feel like they make me stupid. This is a perfect example of that.
So, yesterday morning I felt my fingernails touching my keyboard as I typed. I HATE that feeling and it's always a clear indication that it's time to cut my fingernails. So I went through and trimmed them down. Every second or third time I cut my fingernails I add on cutting my toe nails. Either that, or I wait until my toe nails start cutting my socks, and both of these were true. So, I cut my toe nails.
The nail on the big toe of my left foot is thick enough that the normal nail clippers can't get a good bite on it. It requires the more scissor style nail clippers (like the ones on the left). I got a few good cuts in and just needed one more to get the nail smooth and short enough.
Now, when I do this, I often feel a pinch. I try to focus on that because with my muted sensation, that 'pinch' might actually be a 'cut'. Well, I didn't listen to my own internal warning system and when I felt that pinch, I just kept cutting. And cut I did. I bled. And bled and bled and bled and bled.
I'm doing my nails in my room so that I have a little privacy (I figure if I hate my own feet, then my family won't want to see them either) and I'm not occupying the bathroom. But that means I'm not exactly in the best position to deal with a cut like this.
As a diabetic, I have cotton balls all around me. I'm used to bleeding a little bit. So I grab a cotton ball and apply it to the bleeding. The problem is, the cut is below the nail on the nail bed. I can't apply the cotton ball pressure to the cut area so I'm not applying direct pressure, just collecting the blood as it pools up. I could apply pressure to the nail itself, use it to press down on the cut, but I've also cut the nail and that sharp edge is what will be pressing into the cut nail bed. So, I spend a good 10 minutes just watching the blood pool up and using cotton ball after cotton ball.
Now, I'm a nurse. I know what to do. Get into the bathroom, wash the area as best I can using either antibacterial soap (which I always have handy) or an actual bacteriostat agent (which I also have). With it clean I can then either apply some guaze and tape it into place to collect the blood or use a bandaid. It'll stop bleeding soon enough so long as I keep my toe up (pressing down on my toe while I walk will push the nail into the cut, just opening it up again and again). But my migraine riddled mind doesn't want to get blood all over the carpet between me and the bathroom. So I sit there and try to wait out the bleeding, even though I know it needs to be washed BEFORE it stops bleeding.
On top of that, I'm not fast enough on all the cotton balls and I'm dripping blood onto the carpet of my bedroom. It's not like a murder scene or anything, but theres a significant amount of blood pooling up on this old carpet.
When I finally get it into my head that I need to act, I stick a cotton ball on the end of my toe, heel walk to the bathroom, wash the toe, and get a bandaid on it. It's fine. I then use the wet washcloth I had for my toe on the carpet to try and clean up all the blood. Of course, I'd waited too long and now have a blood stain on my carpet.
I should have seen that the blood was going to take some time and used my sock over my toe to protect the carpet. Or a clean sock. If I get a little blood stain on the sock.... who cares! But nope, I couldn't think through the situation and am now rewarded with a wound that I'll have to monitor closely for infection and a blood stained carpet.
Finances
No big changes here.
Family/Friends
Nothing new to report here.
Entertainment
I finished The Witcher. Good series. I wish they'd keep Henry Cavill, but it's my understanding they're going to change the actor in the same role to Liam Hemsworth. The story and cinematoraphy and other actors in The Witcher make me want to continue to watch it. But damn if Henry Cavill isn't a bigger reason.
I was lost as to what to start next so I went through my list and pared it down to four that sounded right at that moment. Mr. Mercedes, The Americans, The Rookie, and Billions. I then used a random number generator to pick between them and started Billions. It's a good show so far. I'm mid way through the second season and am enjoying it. It's not great or anything, but it's a good solid show.
New Tech
I've used self restraint. I saw that Logitech has a new version of the keyboard that I liked so much. The low profile G915 has been succeeded by the low profile G915 X. They list a lot of differences including moving to USB C which I absolutely needed. But before I just buy it to try it, I'm going to wait for some reviews and see what the other differences are.
Writing
I'm going to get into this more in my depression post, but I haven't made any progress on my writing.
I did make a tumblr post that ended up with about 3500 words. It nailed a theme that I love and haven't fully explored. A man starts taking care of his mother in law because of her growing dementia. She forgets he's her son in law and has a secret past of feminizing men as a hobby. One thing leads to another and she starts forcibly feminizing him. He doesn't want to hurt her so he goes along, hoping that she'll snap out of it. By the time he realizes she's not going to snap out of it, he's well on the way to being feminized and has to 'escape'. She catches him and truly traps him as she adds both a chastity cage and a shock collar. Now he can't get away without directly hurting his mother in law.
The story goes on and he's with her for months before his sister in law finds out what's going on. By then he's a full on sissy maid and has even been trained in sexually pleasing men, which he has to demonstrate in front of his sister in law. She 'saves' him but doesn't exactly free him. It takes weeks to get his wife back and they together, his wife and his sister in law, decide that he should remain his mother in laws 'project' as it might be the last happy memory she'll have. And he's of course so far gone along the submissive sissy maid training path that he can't object.
It really hits that note that I love of a 'good guy in the wrong place' type story. His own good intentions doomed him. I wonder if it's a story that I could extend out to a long form.
Tiffany Fallout
I haven't heard back about my license plate and need to address that today. I think I'll text the guy about it and if I don't get satisfaction I'll just report it to the secretary of state so that it's a known issue of NOT being my license plate any more. In the meantime I'll get a good license plate frame (I hate that my current frame advertises the dealership where I got the car) and consider getting another custom plate when I need to renew in January.
My dream of suing State Farm is done. I finally got in touch with that Lawyer's office. After a bit of back and forth they said they were too busy to take me on and recommended a larger firm. A few days later and some more back and forth and they tell me that they don't take on that type of case. I emailed the biggest firm I know of, one that advertises on TV all the time, and they got in touch with me the same day.... and said that they don't deal with anything outside of personal injury.
That lead me to search state wide for lawyers that deal specifically with insurance claims and not only personal injury insurance claims. I found one that would have been a bear to deal with as they were like an hour's drive away from me, but they said they specifically dealt with insurance disputes including car insurance claims. I talked with someone from that firm (I'm not sure if he was a lawyer, a paralegal, or someone else...) and they asked the right questions and found out what the deal was. They said that they believed it would be a good case. EXCEPT for the fact that I'd sold Tiffany. Any settlement would include the insurance company demanding the title for Tiffany and without that they didn't have to offer a settlement.
So, the idea of getting paid by my insurance company is over. Tiffany, at the time she was in the body shop, had a private party sales value per Kelly Blue Book of about $25,000. I sold her for just over $6,000. That means leaving a gallon of milk in the back of Tiffany cost me just under $19,000.
Once I found out that there was no possibility of a lawsuit, there was no reason to keep State Farm as an insurance company. I'd held out hope that a lawsuit might benefit from me still being their customer, but that's out of the window now. So one afternoon I went online and signed up to get quotes from all the major insurance companies. I couldn't do a complete apples to apples comparison as State Farm had a form of Nursing insurance for me and I didn't want to bother with that.
I ended up with quotes from GEICO, Progressive, All State, Liberty, and Farmers. Farmers was the most reasonable. Progressive was close, but their renters insurance was through a different company that they paired up with and I'd just rather have one company, plus I'd also like to have a local agent and there are a few Farmers agents near me.
The next morning I went to the agent and signed up for the insurance. Two things stuck out. First, I guess all the insurance companies report customer data to a statewide database because he could see that I was a paying customer with State Farm for a long LONG time. When he showed me the print out it showed 554 months of continuous on time payments which easily afforded me a 'good customer' discount. Now, I've been with State Farm for around 30 years but if you math out the 554 months it's saying I've been paying on time for more than 46 years. Or, ever since I was 4 years old!!
The other thing was the 'early shopper' discount. Farmers will give me a discount of like 2% if I don't sing up immediately and instead have my insurance start a week out. I really don't think saving 2% is worth it... except for the fact that that discount remains on my account. I'd get it every time I re-up my insurance. So if I wait for seven days right now and stay with Farmers for ten years, it will save me 2% of my entire ten year bill. Yeah, that's worth it. So Thursday or Friday I'll drive over to my State Farm agents office and cancel my insurance in person.
Michigan Football
I'm still not sure what to think about this Michigan team. They didn't look all that bad against USC. They even won the game, though they let USC come back in the second half and had to have a last minute stop to keep the lead. This last game was against Minnesota which Michigan should easily beat, but they almost coughed up the game in the last quarter.
Unfortunately, I missed most of the last quarter. I was having a bad migraine day and every fiber in my being wanted me to go to sleep. I couldn't even keep my eyes open so I kept hearing my brother boo the TV but didn't really know what was going on. They still won and are now ranked #10 in the AP poll but I don't have a lot of confidence that they can take on a really good team. I feel like Northwestern should be an easy win. Michigan State should be easy, but that's a big rivalry and we'll face the best of Sparty. Every other team? Washington, Illinois, Oregon, Indiana, Ohio State? Michigan could lose any or even all of those. Then again, they could still win Washington, Illinois, and Indiana. That would make Michigan 9 and 3 at the end of the season with their three losses to Texas, Oregon, and Ohio State. That might.... MIGHT... be enough to get them into the playoff!
Layla review
I forgot to mention in my last Update post that there are two features exclusive to the Lincoln that I miss. The 2.7L twin turbo engine and the auto hold brakes. The 2.0L turbo engine in Layla isn't bad. She gets me to the speed I want fairly quickly. But she has to work HARD for it and I'm not seeing any improvement in gas milage. I'd rather have the higher horsepower 2.7L engine that can get up to speed easily. And the auto hold brakes.... well, that's something I really miss. Coming up to a red light I'm so used to coming to a stop, pressing the brake pedal a little harder, then removing my foot from the brake and it holding me stopped until I stepped on the gas. It sounds like a little thing, but it's been about a month now and I'm still not used to having to hold the brake pedal down.
I'll stand by my impression and review from the last update. But I'll also say that I believe I misjudged how appreciative I'd be with a newer vehicle and with a larger screen. The larger screen COULD have been a big thing, but they just don't utilize it's size all that well. The HVAC controls are at the bottom of the screen all the time which means out of the 12.3 inch screen you're only left with something a little bigger than the 8 inch screen in the previous cars. And once you put Android Auto on, which I insist upon, it uses the space in a way that I don't like. I believe I got MORE use out of the smaller screen.
I knew that getting a replacement for Tiffany would be difficult. Tiffany was a 2019 Lincoln Nautilus and 2019 was the first year of the Nautilus. Before that there was the MKX which was practically the same vehicle. Seriously, very little changed between a 2018 MKX and a 2019 Nautilus. One of the features that was new to the Nautilus was the lane centering. The MKXs had Adaptive Cruise Control, but not the lane centering. So, I didn't really look at any MKXs figuring a newer Ford Edge would be better.
Doing just twenty minutes of searching right now shows I could have gotten a 2017 Lincoln MKX with less miles than Layla and many MANY more options than Layla for around the same price. I might have been bemoaning the loss of some of Tiffany's features like the all digital gauge cluster, or the supreme super duper audio setup or the LED headlights that turn with the steering wheel.... but I don't have those features now. And I'd have had all the other Lincoln benefits like better build quality, ride, engine, audio...
I fucked this car search up. There's no two ways about it.
Ongoing Computer Issues
I honestly didn't expect to be writing about this again, but back in summer of this year I wrote about some odd computer issues I've been having. One of them was the weird background wallpaper issue. Basically I have my wallpaper set to a slide show of about 50 different images. But when I slid between the two different desktops I use, it would stop the slide show and move to a single image. It wouldn't just freeze the slide show, it would move to an entirely different single image. I even set it so that it was a particular image so I knew when it had flaked out. I tried several things to fix it but I couldn't even find much online about the problem, let alone fixes for it.
Well, a couple weeks ago it just stopped doing it. It works fine now. I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth and instead will just assume it was a Windows update that broke it and a Windows update that fixed it.
The other issue I had with Apple Music and Sound, that's getting worse. And I'm not 100% sure that it isn't my speakers. When I have my audio output to my headphones, everything sounds good and the volume controls are smooth and fast. But when I'm on the speakers, it will sometimes only come out of the right speaker. The only way to fix it is to shut down the computer and start it up again. Restarting doesn't even fix it, it has to be a complete shutdown. And while I was blaming Apple Music for not sounding all that great, I'm not 100% sure it's Apple Music any more. I just listen to that as my audio source for far more time than anything else. But when I watch a video like a movie or TV show where the streaming audio should be good, it's sometimes less quality than I'd expect too. And then there's the volume. Whether I'm changing the volume using my keyboard or my mouse (I have dials on both that are mapped to changing the volume) it will pause and just hang for several seconds. Then, after its pause, it will allow the volume change to continue. The volume also seems to be almost compressed? I mean that there is almost no difference between volume 2, 4, 6, and 8 (it only moves in increments of 2). When it hits 10, the volume increases noticeably but then stay at that level through 12, 14, 16, and 18. Basically I have a volume scale of 1 to 10 but it shows up as 1 to 100 with a bunch of increments that don't do anything. It's particularly frustrating as I'd like some of those in between increments.
Anyway, the slide show is fixed and I may consider re-doing my computer audio setup again.
Okay, I was just about ready to post this when I thought about the speaker issue and wondered if I could output my sound through the TV. You see, I have my graphics card outputting my video through an HDMI port to my 48" LG OLED TV. The TV has an HDMI output to the speakers. Just like I have in my living room where the cable box, Xbox, and Streamer all hook up to the TV, but all the sound output goes to a speaker bar. Why wouldn't that work here?
I changed it over, got the volume set up right (it was way too quiet), and.... yea, it's already working better. The volume actually changes in each increment (still only by 2s). We'll have to see about the sound quality and the left-channel-only issue, but this might be the answer I needed. Technically my 'sound card' is now my Nvidia RTX 4900 as opposed to the Klipsch 'The Fives' speakers.
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