Migraines
I had a 4 day migraine since last posting and have another starting as of yesterday. I feel like there are more days in between migraines. The data, however, doesn't back that up as about half of my migraines since January had one nonmigraine day between them. The rest had two or three days. Since late February I've had mostly two and three day breaks but had two migraines with no full break between them (the migraine ended in the afternoon one day then another migraine started the following afternoon). So, basically the migraines are just shifting around without any change.
I've been to the chiropractor seven times now. I haven't noticed any effect from the visits except that my neck feels like it has more mobility. I DO notice that on days that I go to the chiropractor, the migraines are worse, but I feel that's more from "going outside" on a migraine day rather than it being from the visit itself.
Other Health
I've had a pain in my lower back. To be honest, I want to blame the chiropractor for it, but it started before I visited him. It mainly rears its head when I wake up from a nap or from sleeping. I mention it not because it's particularly bad, but because it's lasting a long time. This feels more like something I'd see a chiropractor about, but he took x-rays after the pain began and didn't note anything down there. As I don't want to give him a reason to keep seeing me should his treatment not help my migraines, I don't think I'll mention it. IF I decide to keep seeing him past the 12 sessions, I'll mention it.
Finances
I got the official notice from the appeals department that they overturned my LTD denial. A few days later I got paperwork saying that my LTD has been approved from it's original starting date out to August 30th of this year. That second paperwork wanted three things from me. A direct deposit set-up, a dependent list, and a release to the social security offices. All three of these are kind of strange. I already had direct deposit set up, so they should be able to just use that. On the direct deposit paperwork I have to check whether this is "NEW" direct deposit, "UPDATED" direct deposit, or "CANCELED" direct deposit. It's not new, as I've been using it the same. It's not updated, as nothing has changed since last time. And I'm certainly not canceling it. So... new?
I haven't gotten any dependents since we last talked, so that was an easy piece of paper to cross out and sign. The social security release is another way the LTD wants to screw me over. They've said since the beginning that if I get paid from any other source like a second job, gig work, other insurance, or social security disability insurance, that they'd reduce my payments in the same amount. It's the primary reason I decided to not work doing DoorDash. Dashing would be easy, but any money I get would just taken away from my LTD without compensating me for the wear and tear on my lovely Tiffany. They want my release to social security because if I receive LTD for more than a year, I am required to apply for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI). If I'm denied SSDI, I have to appeal that. If the appeal is denied, I have to appeal that with help from a SSDI law firm that they offer (at no cost to me). Basically, they want me to work HARD at getting SSDI. Now if SSDI says that I am indeed disabled and they will back pay me since my disability began $2000 a month, then my LTD will require me to repay them $2000 for every month they've paid me.
The good thing is that I've already applied and been denied SSDI. I need to wait for the medical coverage to go through (if approved it would put me on Medicaid) which could take another two or three months. Then I'll 'appeal' the decision.
The actual letter (email) saying that I was once again approved came after April 1st. Knowing that I'll get paid at the end of every month instead of twice a month, I figured they'd wait until the end of April to pay me anything. That should be about $4000 for the month of April and the $15,000 back pay. BUT they could technically pay the 'back pay' back any time. So, I started checking my credit union account several times a day. Lo and behold, I got a deposit from my LTD a couple days later. For $7,500.
I don't understand what that is. It's simply listed as "Insurance Payment Received" on my statement but technically, this is a payment from my LTD Insurance, so ANY payment from them would be an "Insurance Payment Received". Did they send me half of the back pay? I'm not stuck with some money, the knowledge that I'll get paid my 'normal' payment at the end of the month, and waiting for paperwork that will be mailed (US Postal Service mailed) to me explaining the payment I already received. If that paperwork doesn't explain why it's that little amount, I'll need to call them.
I love that I'm getting this LTD. It's an honest to Goddess life saver. I just wish it was more straight forward and not as much "screw you hard" as it is.
Family/Friends
I've mentioned that my friend A lives in Dallas. Technically it's about an hour outside of Dallas, but that area is so congested it's all basically Dallas. Anyway, I noticed that the full eclipse coming on April 8th will go right over him, giving his family the full solar eclipse experience. In my town we're only going to get about 98% coverage. It's my understanding that the difference between the two is extreme. Even at 98% coverage, you can't look directly at the sun without protective eyewear and you won't see the corona. At 100% coverage, it won't get that much darker, but you'll be able to look up at the moon covered sun for several minutes and notice it's huge corona. I'm really quite jealous, especially since we have clouds and possible rain predicted for the eclipse day. So I sent a text to A asking if he was ready. He responded with "Hey man. Yea weather is t looking good. I can't believe people are flocking here for this. I mean it's cool, yes, but not that cool"
Umm... yes, it IS 'That Cool'! I actually considered driving down to visit them just to see the eclipse.
We still haven't talked about the friend vacation this year. I know I'm getting paid now, but I want to see what this back pay situation is first. If nothing else, I'll contact A & E and ask them what they are thinking near the end of this month.
Entertainment
I have a love/hate relationship with Apple. I love the fact that they make beautiful technology. I hate the fact that they brag about 'new' technology that someone else (Windows, Android, Google...) has been using for years as if they invented it. I also hate how insular their system is. You might remember that a few years back, I lived the Apple life. I bought an iPhone, an Apple Watch, switched back to Apple Music from Spotify and Google Music (Google Music had just been killed off by Google), and fully embraced everything Apple. I even ended up getting an Mac Powerbook when I needed a portable computer for a week.
That experiment ended with good information. I can now honestly say that I don't like the Apple ecosystem. The one thing I kept out of all of that was Apple Music. The experience of using iTunes wasn't anywhere near ideal, but it worked better than the Spotify experience on my desktop computer.
The problem with iTunes is that it hasn't changed all that much since it came out for Windows over 20 years ago. They kind of shoehorned Apple Music into it, but it's just a strange old looking system. Meanwhile, iOS, iPadOS, MacOS, and even Android all get a native Apple Music App.
Well, while setting up my new computer (more on that below in the 'New Tech' section), I saw that they've finally released the Windows Apple Music App. YAY! It's about DAMN time!
I prepared myself for some disappointment. I've been using iTunes on and off for it's full Windows timeline. 20 plus years! It's big, it's clunky, it's old, it looks old, it acts old. But at the same time, it does certain things that I like. When I moved to the Apple Music App, I found out that it does cover the same ground, but there are four big changes. Look, sound, online status, and the mini-player.
The look is better. It looks like a modern app. It has the same basic layout as iTunes, making it easy and familiar to use, but it just looks like it was designed in the 2020s and not the late 1990s. I give the look a sold A+.
The sound is... worse? There's always been this odd feature in iTunes. In the preferences you had to options to 'Play Audio Using'. Windows Audio Session and Direct Sound. It's my understanding that the Windows Audio Session, the default selection, would sound better. But, if you left it in that format, it would pick the audio output device you were currently using and stay with that. That's problematic for me. More often than not, I start out my morning using my speakers for audio. At some point in the day though, I'll move to my headset and would like my music to follow me there. But if I use Windows Audio Session, it won't follow. I never noticed a sound difference between Windows Audio Session and Direct Sound so it was just one of the pain points of reinstalling Windows and iTunes. I'd have to go into the preferences and switch the Play Audio Using setting to Direct Sound. Then iTunes would play its audio wherever I had Windows set up to play through. Well, that setting didn't follow through to the Apple Music app.
I haven't found a fix for it yet. So when I start Apple Music, it plays through my speakers. When I want to switch to my headset, I have to close Apple Music and then start it again so that it will follow through and play through the headset. It's annoying as all fuck. Especially after a late night using the headset, when I forget to change back to the speakers. The next morning I boot up the computer, start Apple Music and... nothing. I remember that I was on the headset and switch the output back to the speakers and.... fuck, I then have to close Apple Music and start it again. And this rolls into the next change. The online status.
To play music that isn't an original nonDRM-protected MP3 you have to log into iTunes and/or Apple Music. Occasionally iTunes would have a hickup and have trouble logging me in. By 'occasionally' I mean once or twice a month. It's a simple enough fix. I go to the 'radio' section and start playing a radio channel. Then I can go back to my library and start playing my music just fine as it recognizes me as logged in. The problem and fix are the same on the Apple Music app, but it's happening most of the time. Like nine out of ten times I boot the app. Now imagine that frustration along with the whole situation regarding the sound source where I have to shut down the app and start it again just to switch between speakers and headset. That looks like this:
Open Apple Music. See that it's not getting me logged in and therefore won't let me play my music. Go to a radio station and start playing it. Go back to my library and start playing my music. Decide I wan to switch from speakers to headset and change the audio output on Windows. Close Apple Music. Open Apple Music. See that it's not getting me logged in and therefore won't let me play my music. Go to a radio station and start playing it. Go back to my library and start playing my music. Decide I wan to switch from headset to speakers and change the audio output on Windows. Close Apple Music. Open Apple Music. See that it's not getting me logged in and therefore won't let me play my music. Go to a radio station and start playing it. Go back to my library and start playing my music.
It's damned frustrating.
New Tech
So yeah, I got another computer. I explained back in this post how I came to get an HP Chromebook. Basically I got it for playing D&D with my brother, friend, and nephews. It was a 'premium' Chromebook for a little under $400. At the time I was picking between a $300 Android tablet, a $400 Chromebook, and a $650 low end Windows laptop. I picked the Chromebook primarily because it was new to me. I hadn't had a Chromebook before and it felt like it would be fun to explore that ecosystem.
Fast forward a little over a year later and I've explored the Chromebook experience. It's... fine. For kids in school, it's probably worth it. It ran really fast but that's because it was never asked to run anything of any substance. I wanted to run MS Word on it, but it doesn't do that. You CAN use the online version of MS Word but that honestly sucks. I did take the Chromebook with me to Dallas on a trip and again, it was fine. It let me check my email and watch YouTube better than my phone, but I still felt it was 'less' than a real laptop.
Now, don't get me wrong. This was a premium Chromebook. It was built VERY well and felt premium in the hand. It's screen was good, had a backlit keyboard, and was stylish. But even playing D&D, I kind of would like to have MS Word up to take notes. I'd like it to sync with my desktop computer better. For instance, if I make something on my desktop I can save it on my Google Drive, and then get it on the Chromebook, but it's that extra step. I don't automatically save stuff to Google Drive. I use Microsoft's OneDrive instead. And OneDrive works like shit on the Chromebook. When I was in Dallas, I wanted to open up my Migraine spreadsheet and keep it up to date but even when I got it to work (opened it and saved it to Google Drive on my phone then opened it on the Chromebook), it wouldn't work. I couldn't get it to open n the online version of Excel and the Google spreadsheet program (Google Sheets) messed up the formatting. So I couldn't do something even that basic.
So over the past few months, I've been considering what it would take to change that over to a Windows laptop. When I did the D&D Chromebook search I only had a couple days as I wanted it NOW. This search could take longer as I could have it shipped to me.
Here's what I liked about the Chromebook and wanted to keep. First and foremost, a premium feel. I know this would likely make the laptop expensive, but I just didn't want to step down from a premium feeling Chromebook that didn't quite work to a cheap feeling Windows laptop that worked well. I liked the form factor. Both the 14" screen size and the 2 in 1 design. Playing D&D I'll often fold the Chromebook up into tablet form when I don't need the keyboard and when I was on my trip I put it up into the "tent" form to watch videos on. I definitely wanted a backlit keyboard. I also loved having the fingerprint reader, knowing that Windows would take better advantage of it than the Chromebook did. NO MORE PASSWORDS!
That's what I wanted to keep from the Chromebook. To run Windows, I thought about what I wanted as obviously a laptop can go well up over $3000 and I'd be much happier if I could get one for the same $400 as the Chromebook was (yeah yeah, but I could dream!). I didn't need a huge processor, but I didn't want to hamstring Windows from the get-go either. As the biggest program I'd be using MIGHT be Photoshop (no big games), I figured an i3 or i5 would be fine. 8GB or ram would do, but I'd prefer 16GB knowing how Chrome works on Windows. And while a 512 Gig SSD would work, a 1 TB drive would serve me better to 'future proof' it. That would give me space to keep all of 'My Documents', 'My Pictures', and 'My Music' that I keep backed up via OneDrive as well as any programs and downloaded movies and such that I might want in a pinch.
With those stats in mind I kept looking half-heartedly. I honestly have no idea what made me suddenly take the search seriously. Maybe it was the fact that I had my appeal come through and would have the backpay coming to me. Yeah, that's technically money that came from my 401k, but it's not like I could put it BACK into my 401k. It would just be sitting in my credit union savings account. Maybe it was the fact that we had a D&D session coming up in a couple weeks. Maybe it was the fact that I had a pounding migraine and wasn't thinking clearly. But for whatever reason, I started to seriously look at Windows Laptops.
The first thing that caught my eyes was the Microsoft Surface Laptop Studio 2. I won't go into everything, but it's a SWEET laptop. Very premium built, good hardware including a discrete video card, and a beautiful 14.5 inch screen. Technically a little bigger than the Chromebook, but it was the definition of beautiful. It compares easily to the Macbook Pros in premium look and feel. And is priced similarly. It was easily over $2000.
From that point I tried to be more reasonable. I started with an HP Windows laptop. It wasn't their 'nice' line, but it had an i3, 8 Gigs of RAM and a 512 Gig SSD for under $500. The screen was only HD (1920x1080) and it was a plasticky cheap mess. I started to hem and haw on the whole i3 processor as well, knowing that I'd always be internally comparing it to my desktops big bad i9.
So the stair stepping began. I found a Dell for $600 that looked a bit more premium and had an i5. Then an Acer for $750 that had the same stats as the Dell, looked just as premium, and had a better resolution screen. Then a premium HP (from the HP Envy line), that stepped it up to an i7 processor and 16 Gigs of RAM for $1000.
Step by step, I kept talking myself into the better and better computer. My last 'step' was what I ended up with. The main reason I didn't continue to 'step' up to better ones was that it was a huge price increase to get anything better. This one was $1,200 and the next one I found that was better that I wanted was $1,700. It's easy to justify another $100 or even $200 in my head. It's harder to justify another $500.
My new laptop is the Asus ZenBook 14 Flip 2-in-1 OLED. It has a 14" OLED screen with a resolution of 2880x1800. It's a 13th generation Intel Core i7 (1360P) 12 core processor running at 5 GHz. It has 16 Gigs of RAM and a 1TB SSD. It doesn't have a fingerprint reader, but does have a camera that uses Windows Hello (meaning I can just look at the computer to unlock it). It's 'Ponder Blue' and has a metal body that feels premium in the hand with very little flex to it. It's a 2 in 1 design so it can be in the tent format, laptop format, or tablet format.
Ironically this isn't my first Asus ZenBook.
Back in October of 2022 I had to take two weeks of training. I talk a bit about it in the post I linked to, but basically I could do the training from 'home'. I decided 'home' would be Texas with my friends and that meant buying a laptop. I went a little overboard and bought an 15.6" OLED laptop from Acer. Yup, it was the ZenBook. At the time, after the training, I figured I didn't need the laptop so I returned it. Now, however, I realize I can find other uses for it including D&D and travel. What's ironic about this is that I didn't realize the laptop I'd bought in 2022 was an Asus OLED ZenBook until AFTER I bought this one. I guess it speaks highly of the computer that I picked it twice!
So far I've just set the computer up but I can already see it being better than the Chromebook. For one, I have the same files on my laptop as I do on my desktop. I can open the character sheet I made and saved on my desktop so long as I have internet access. If I switch around my music, it's there. I have MS Office, Photoshop, and Acrobat all installed and they'll run just like they do on my desktop. Is it slower than my desktop? You bet your damned ass it is! But it's still fine and doesn't feel laggy at all.
Writing
Been a bad week of writing. I did finally write a chapter about Joy and crew escaping from Gilead, but I took the cheap way out. Joy explains what happens but she was knocked out or unconscious for most of it, so she's just telling a story instead of living through it. And since then it's been migraine city and I haven't felt up to writing.
If I'm fully honest, I think I've had enough time away from Gamer Gurl that I want to get back into it. I'm missing those characters and want to explore that world some more. But no... I'll get at least a few chapters into this new world before I give up It's A Man's World. Because if I step away from this story now, I'm not sure I'll ever come back and finish it.
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