Update September 22, 2023

It's been awhile since I last updated.  Obviously, the migraines and job stuff are primarily on my mind, but I'll update on those at the bottom.

Health

Not much to report here.  I'll let you know about the migraine stuff below.  Oh, my arm is feeling a bit better.  It's still weak and hurts when pushed too far but I can lay on that side now and even sleep on it. That makes a huge difference when it comes to getting a good nights sleep.  

Finances

This goes along with the health.  Not much to say that I won't get into below.  

Family/Friends

Mom is continuing to go downhill.  I swear, I keep thinking she's hit bottom and she finds a way to go lower.  When she returned from the hospital in May she was using the rolling walker.  She just had some stability problems that we figured would get better.  When she pushed herself too far and stopped using the walker, she fell again.  So she's been using the walker ever since.  She's also "had a cold" for going on a month now.  I swear I can never doubt where I get my stubborn streak from.  She refuses to call her doctor or take a COVID test.  I even made sure that we had some tests that hadn't expired and took one myself when I was sick... but she refuses to do so.  "It's just a cold".  

Yeah, right.  Okay.  

My brother R finally took the advice of his doctor (advice he got early last year) and applied for Medicaid.  He was accepted and now has health insurance again.  He still rants and raves about how much medical care costs and believes its in everybody's best interest to fight against it by not using it... but at least he can see his doc and get his meds again.  His blood pressure is being addressed, but I think we're a long way away from having it under control.  I think his average is still 150/95.  

I chatted/texted A&E about getting together.  One of the big reasons we hadn't even talked seriously about it was that I had no time to take off.  Obviously, that's not a problem now.  E is thinking early in 2024, although he's open to long weekends in San Fran.  A as always said he'd be open to talking about a trip as he has other family considerations for his time off.  But he's also open to me coming down 'anytime'.  I think once I have my finances settled, I'll head on down.  It'll be the first time I try to do something like that without a timeframe in mind.  

Oh, and I should say that R is just as negative as ever.  

Work

I talked a lot in the past three posts about having to leave work.  I imagine if I had to do that while at the prison, it would have gone a lot differently.  I'd have had supervisors that care and wanted to help.  I'd have had people in the administration concerned and wanting to help.  And I'd have had a human resources department that helped.  

Here's how it went to terminate my employment from each of those groups.  Understand, I knew around August 23rd that I'd be leaving.  I just didn't know how.  The first group was my supervisors.  

I sad down with two of them, letting them know that once I had the appointment with my neurologist I'd be leaving.  I just didn't know if it would be as a medical leave or as a two weeks notice.  They seemed very concerned and had some suggestions, but nothing that I hadn't already considered.  A few days later I had my appointment with the neurologist and knew that it would be leaving work.  When I got home I sent out an email to all of the supervisors above me (my supervisors, the director of nursing, and the hospital administrator) as well as human resources that I was giving my two weeks notice.  

I didn't hear anything else after that from my supervisors.  No goodbye, no offers of sympathy even though I was clear that this was a medical issue, no nothing.  And it's not just my supervisors... the same applies to the director of nursing and the hospital administrator.  

Human resources is a different story all together.  I think they may have been trying to trip me up as much as possible.  I'd written them a couple weeks earlier asking for advice and information.  They never responded.  When I gave my two weeks notice, I asked those questions again.  These aren't idle questions, they're very important.  

The first question I had was regarding health insurance.  I knew two ways to continue my current coverage.  State disability benefits, which I would likely not qualify for, and COBRA.  I asked how to apply for both emphasizing just how important it was that I maintain health coverage.  I also asked about how long it would be before my job was listed as terminated as I could only get to my 401k after that.  Instead of answering any of that, she asked if I was sure I wanted to put my two weeks in.  I emailed back that yes, I was sure.  I explained why doing it this was was better than taking a medical leave of absence (can't have the 401k with a medical leave) and asked her the questions again.  She again asked if I was sure instead of answering any of the questions.  

This last response was at the end of the day, so while I responded with a polite version of "BITCH, ANSWER MY GOD DAMNED QUESTIONS!" I also searched through the state website and found how to apply for disability benefits.  This is where I think she may have been purposefully delaying her answer... I had to apply for the benefits BEFORE leaving the state service.  And to apply, I had to ask for an application, have them deliver it by mail, and get it back to them before leaving.  In other words I had like ten days to get this done!  

I won't go over every exchange,  but I finally got all the information I needed.  It just felt like she was guarding this information and trying to keep me from it, instead of helping me.  

My co-workers... they're hilarious.  I told all of the afternoon nurse managers that I was leaving.  I then told the night nurse managers that was there one day that I was leaving.  I then sent out an email to the rest of them, as well as the nurses I supervise.  I imagine this would be easier to follow if I was there every day but lets not forget that the whole reason I'm leaving is that I can't be there steadily and am calling in a lot.  So I end up calling in five days in a row.  When I come back I find that I'm not on the schedule and that the nurse managers all assumed I had already left.  Even scheduling assumed I was gone even though I was still calling in daily.  I tried to go into one of the ADON's and have a laugh at it.... but she thought the same thing.  

I mean, my Goddess people... I gave you ALL the date that I would be there until.  Do they all have such shitty work ethics that they just assumed I wouldn't be back?  

Fuck em.  I made a point to say goodbye on my last day to them when I had a chance, but I didn't go out of my way to do so.  And my fellow afternoon nurse managers?  At the end of the day they just left without a goodbye.  

If it weren't because of a debilitating illness, I'd be so happy to be out of there! 

Entertainment

About the same as last time.  I haven't been watching much beyond old TV shows or movies.  Last night I did start Ahsoka on Disney+ and it seems to be really good... although I'm not sure if that's true or its just the fact that I'm starving for new things to watch.  

New Tech

So I talked about the new phone last time; the Pixel Fold.  I got it and I love it.  It's funny as it's almost the opposite of the Galaxy Fold 4 that I had before.  When I'd pick up the Galaxy, I'd only do a few things on its front cover as it was just too skinny.  Anything more than a few touches and I'd open the phone up and use it unfolded.  The Pixel's front screen is awesome!  Its just the perfect size for almost anything so unless I'm going to sit back and really get into something (reading an article, playing a game, looking at the phone for more than five or ten minutes...) I'll just keep using the front screen.  My biggest complaint isn't about the phone, but rather the case I got for it.  Or rather, the company that I got the case from. 

I'm sure it's clear by now that I love a good quality product.  I'd far rather pay a high premium to get a good quality product, rather than getting one that's merely 'good enough'.  My computer is top of the line, my vehicle is top notch, my clothes, my tech, my toys.  All of it is quality.  For the most part quality is synonymous with price.  It's not always true and I'm not all about paying for something expensive when something inexpensive is just as good or better... but mostly if something costs more, it's better.  That leads me to the phone case.  I've come to love having leather cases on my phone.  Good, quality, leather, that not only looks good, but feels and smells good.  There's a company that I've used for leather phone cases a few times and they've always been top of the line good.  Bellroy.  I've also purchased some city bags (purses, but they can't sell them as purses as they are targeting men!) from them and I've loved all their products.  Yes, they are very expensive.  I could have gotten a simple city bag for $20, but the $90 Bellroy one was better in every way.  The same goes for leather cases... expensive but worth it.  

The problem was that Bellroy hadn't had their case out until after the phone was out.  I ordered it the first day it was available, but I'd have my phone for a couple weeks before the case got here.  I held off until the phone got here and knew immediately I wanted a case on it.  It's a gorgeous phone and I hate covering it up, but it's also quite slippery in the hand.  Yeah, I had insurance on it, but I really don't want to drop and damage this new $1800 phone.  So instead of just waiting and being careful I got onto Amazon, found a cheapo $12 (p)leather case and had it overnighted to me.  

The Amazon case was... fine.  It did the job.  It looked like fake leather, it felt like fake leather, and it smelled like plastic.  But again, it was a fine stopgap.  I was very excited then when the Bellroy case came in a couple weeks later.  As soon as I opened the box, I knew it was good.  I could immediately smell the leather and feel its fine grain.  The only thing that was a little off putting was a sheet of paper in the case reminding the user to not press against the edge of the case.  Looking at the case and where it didn't want you to touch was troubling as it was where your thumb naturally sat with the phone folded.  I'd had my thumb there on the cheapo case for weeks now and it held up just fine... so maybe Bellroy was just being extra careful?  Nope, they weren't just being careful.  

It wasn't a single minute after having the case on my phone that I realized why they put that warning in.  When you put your thumb on that area of the case it just bent inwards over the screen.  Push even a little harder and the whole side of the case would fly off.  I was beyond pissed off.  You're telling me that a $12 cheapo Amazon Chinese case could do a better job than a $75 'quality' case? 

It pissed me off enough to write them a long email stating how disappointed I was in there decision to ship out a case with such a failure point.  I didn't want my money back, I didn't want to try a different one (there were several articles out within 24 hours saying that the case had this problem... two weeks after I ordered it!), I didn't even want an apology.  I just wanted them to know that I was now going to be hesitant in buying ANY product from them in the future.  

As I still wanted a case and the back of the Bellroy case worked just fine (as its a folding phone there is a part that attaches to the back and a part that attaches to the front), I now have the Bellroy on the back and the cheapo one on the front.  Yeah, it doesn't look great but it works just fine.  

Now, this next new piece of tech is... strange.  I have no idea how the idea of getting one of these got into my head, but I'd been stuck on the idea of getting a hand held PC for a few months now.  I of course knew about the Steam Deck, but the ASUS ROG handheld also had just came out.  The idea was great... the power of a computer in the palm of your hand!  A new hand held gaming device that would play all of my Steam games!  Sure, it's nowhere near the beast of a computer that my desktop was... but its HANDHELD!!!!

I'd actually always wanted to get a Nintendo Switch, which fits this idea, but I didn't want to spend that much money on new games.  Plus, the Switch is old now and their games look... um... icky.  

And every time I'd think about getting one and doing hours of research on them... I'd end up with the same thought;  I'd never use it.  When I want to play games at home, I would just play them on my big mamma jamma computer.  I don't play games in the living room or dining room or bathroom.  I don't travel enough any more to make this worthwhile.  So why spend between $400 and $1,000 for one? 

Then the announcement for the Lenovo Legion Go came out.  It was the same idea, but had removable controls (like the Nintendo Switch) but with a gorgeous 8.8 inch screen!  You could even take one of the controlers off, put it in a puck like device, and move it around like a mouse!  You could play first person shooters with it!!!  Gah.. but I'd never use it!  Stop it!  

Yeah, like most things I get focused on and keep coming back to, I got it.  

I asked for some advice from some friends who had experience in this world and realized the Steam Deck was almost perfect.  Sure, it was the oldest and weakest of these, but it also had the best battery life and the screen quality difference between the Steam Deck and the ROG (the Legion Go isn't going to be out until November and I was going to get one NOW!) wasn't all that noticeable.  The only real downsize of the Steam Deck was its inability to download Microsoft PC Game pass games.  It could steam those games, but not download and play them natively.  

So with the choice of the Steam Deck made, I just had to pick which one to get.  Thankfully Steam only offers three choices and they're all the same processor/gpu combination.  In other words they'd all play the same games in the same way.  The $399 one came with very slow 64GB of memory.  The $529 one came with 256GB of fast memory.  And the $649 one came with 512GB of fast memory and a 'better' carrying case along with an etched antiglare screen.  

Watching some videos showed me that I didn't want the etched screen.  Sure, it would be less glare, but it also muted the colors down.  I knew the 64GB wouldn't be enough memory, but I had also watched enough videos to know that it wasn't too difficult to open up the back, take out the 64GB module, and put in a new drive.  iFixit sells a kit specifically for the Steam Deck with a 512GB drive for $90 and a 1TB drive for $134.  There are even 1TB drives that will fit from Amazon for $90!  So, technically I could get the $399 Steam Deck and a $90 drive and within an hour of it being delivered have a Steam Deck with a 1TB fast storage drive.  Hell, the worst part was downloading the SteamOS software onto a USB drive and installing it onto the new drive, but even that was easy with straightforward directions from Steam.  It's not like they were preventing you from doing this or even discouraging it.  

Ultimately though, I went with the 256 GB one.  It's simple really... I have no idea how much I'm going to use this and don't know how much storage I need.  I can always upgrade the drive later if I want more (they can go upwards of 2TB!).  256GB, at a glance, would it all the games I wanted to immediately play on the Deck so I could open up the box, plug the Deck in, and start downloading games.  I could be playing within 30 minutes instead of fitzing with it for an hour first.  

It went on sale about 12 hours after I bought it.  Steam doesn't have any policy on matching sale prices, but thankfully they agreed to give me the difference back in Steam credit.  That $80 got me two games that I bought specifically for the Deck.  

It came last week and it's... it's fine.  Yeah, it's fun to play, especially beat-em-up style games like Sifu and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Shredder's Revenge.  It might be good for when I have a migraine and need to take a break from the big computer screen.  And yeah, it will be good for traveling.  And finally, I bought it before I had the MRI and I had a nagging fear that they were going to find a tumor, requiring me to be on Chemotherapy and I thought it would be good for those hours long sessions.  But I don't have a tumor (more on that below) and... well... I have a Steam Deck now!  

The last thing on tech is going to be keyboard and maybe mouse.  I'm already tired of this new one from Logitech that I got a few months back.  But it's a still a work in process, so instead of talking about it here, I'm going to make a whole new post for it.

The Migraine and Job Update

So as you can tell from above, I finally quit my job.  As I still have migraines most days, making it hard to think, I've worked out a Word document that I keep on my computer.  It lists all the things I need to focus on in this 'post working' stage of life.   

• 401k
• Long Term Disability
• Treatment
• Disability Benefits
• COBRA Insurance

None of this is going well.  I'll touch on the treatment below as that's more medical where the rest of this is financial.  

I'll start with the COBRA as they lived up to their word.  Instead of waiting for the form to be mailed out, the emailed it to me on the first day they could.  I filled it out and emailed it back so I should have that by the beginning of October at the latest.  

I got the Disability Benefits paperwork and JESUS CHRIST it was a 38 page application!  It took me a whole evening to fill it out and I had to mail it in.  No scanning and emailing, no faxing.... good old US Mail.  I'm hoping to hear back from them soon, but who knows how long it will take.  If I odn't hear anything by mid October, I'll contact them and ask how its going.  

Long Term Disability.  I got the first sign that they are acting like Insurance.  In other words they're trying their best to deny me what's owed.  It seems that since I quit, I might not be eligible for the LTD.  Burried in the paperwork, and not mentioned once when I was calling and asking for information on how it worked, it says that there is a 14 day waiting period after the disability starts and is preventing you from working and when they LTD will kick in.  As I worked on September 13th, and then wasn't an employee as of the 16th, I didn't have that 14 day waiting period and am no longer paying for their insurance.  I was obviously upset at that phone call and it ended when she (my case manager) said she'd look into it and call me back.  Looking through the paperwork though, I did find where it mentioned the 14 day waiting period.  It says that it's either the 14th day OR the day after the sick leave is exhausted.  My sick leave was technically exhausted on each pay period... in this case on September 4th.  Also it doesn't state that it's the 14th day of not working, it states its the 14th day of the disability.  I started this process as of August 20th, well over 14 days.  So, we'll see how this plays out.  I might get it, I might not.  

And finally the fucking 401k.  I talked with them twice before quitting, explaining that I needed the money quickly and asking how long it would take.  Both times it was stated that it would be about a week after I was listed as not working for the state.  Well, once I was listed as not working for the state I called them up to start the process and was promptly told there was a 45 day waiting period (stupid legal terms its actually 44 days and one business day).  I won't even be able to request my money until the first week in November.  

That's the money stuff.  Here's the health stuff. 

I got the lab work and all the bloodwork came back fine.  All within normal limits.  

I went in for the MRI and let me tell you, if you want to make a migraine worse just stick your head into a tube for 30 minutes and have it make such loud noises that you can hear them screaming through ear plugs AND foam ear muffs.  Oh, and you can't wince when you hear the noise, you have to lie still.  

I got through it though and the results thankfully came back only a day later.  My neurologists note was simple and to the point.  "MRI brain normal".  

No tumor, no aneurism, no stroke.  A normal brain.  

Ultimately that's a relief.  It does, however, add the frustration that this isn't being cause by 'something'.  It's just my migraines getting worse.  Doc got me started on Anjovy that is a once monthly injection to prevent migraines (I started it with the first dose last week), but we have to go three months to see if its working.  If its not, then we move on to something else.  

In other words, I'm not dying and we are in a wait and see approach when it comes to the migraines.  I haven't noticed an effect yet, as most days since the injection have been migraine days, but its still too early.  I just need money and insurance to make sure I can keep up with the treatment.  

As I'm not working future 'Update' posts won't have any Work sections.  I'll try to remember to add a 'Migraine' section to health and cover how everything else is going in the Financial section.