It's been awhile for an update. While that would normally mean a longer post, I think this will be short and just hit the updates. If I want to write more, I can always add it in a later post. Here we go!
By the way, before I get this started, I actually wrote the above words on November 28th, 2021. I only got a couple paragraphs in so the post can still move forward (it's jus an update and now I need to update an extra month worth), but I still find it frightening just how busy I've become.
Health
The Nurtec has continued to work and not work. About a quarter of the time it completely takes the migraine away. A miracle drug. About a quarter of the time, it does nothing. Absolute trash. The remaining half is some variation in between. So, it kind of works better than what was before but I'm not sure if the neurologist will think so. I'll just keep using it and hopefully get more data for him to use.
I saw my endocrinologist and had a good visit. They've recently given permission to allow larger doses of Ozempic, so even though my A1C was great and my daily blood sugars have been good (bordering on low!), we upped the dose of Ozempic (doubling it) so that we could lower the dose of insulin. I was on 60 units of long lasting insulin every day and he said to reduce that to 50 units. If I got any low blood sugar symptoms, to lower that dose even more. I was actually surprised that I did indeed have some low blood sugar symptoms, so I reduced it to again to 40 units. At that point, my daily blood sugars (which I take two or three times a week instead of the twice a day he'd like) were getting back into the higher range, so I changed it again to 45 units. These are... better? Still not as low as I'd like. I think I'll continue to use this dose for a week or two, then if I don't see an improvement, I'll up it to 48 units.
Here's where the last post ended. I actually never took the time to re-evaluate this and the sugars have remained consistently around 120 mg/dl. Before the change it was more consistently in the 80 range. The goal should be between 80 and 130. So, technically I'm still in the range but I'd like it lower. 100 or so would make me happy. I think tonight I'll start with the 48 units of insulin daily and see how it goes.
Last health thing I can think of is COVID-19. No, I haven't got it, but with them pushing boosters I knew I could get one and further protect myself and my family. I was just scared of the reaction. I don't recall if I wrote about it, but the 2nd COVID-19 vaccination shot I got (I've had the Moderna shots) was really rough. It took me out for 4 days. I mean, I was feeling sick with sore throat, malaise, body aches, and fatigue. I worked a few hours the day after the shot then went home and crashed. I then worked the next day with the same result. The next two days were the weekend. 4 days of sick for protection.
It turns out the booster gave me a very similar reaction. I felt like dog shit the next day and just called in for the entire day, hoping I'd be better and ready for the next day. Well, the next day I still felt sick. Taking two days off is tough so I went in hoping to work for a few hours then go home... but work sucks me in and I stayed a full day. Then the weekend where I felt sick all the time. Monday was better and by Tuesday I was good. Overall it wasn't as bad as the first reaction but it was still worse than most peoples. I think next time I'll try a lot harder to get my booster on a Friday.
Finances
My finances are really going to come down to student loans. I've gotten used to not having them and have spent accordingly. I've spent the last couple months planning on the loans returning for a February payment and actually had to adjust my budget to accommodate it. It wasn't horrible as honestly I just had to reduce the 'extra' I was paying on credit cards, but still... I got used to paying that extra.
Just as I was putting that plan in motion though, the forbearance has been extended to May. Yay? I mean, that's like an extra $1200 in my pocket (in my extra credit card payments). I can still hope that they'll eliminate outstanding student loan debt.
Oh, speaking of student loans, I saw that they were going to revamp the student loan forgiveness program. Basically normal student loans get paid off for 20 years. With student loan forgiveness (so long as you work for a government agency or a non profit as a nurse) you pay based on your income for 10 years, and the rest is forgiven. Well, I screwed up for the first 5 years as I wasn't on a payment plan based on my income. Ironically, that meant I was paying MORE each month. Anyway, I got on the right plan about 3 years ago and have 7 to go. Well, I heard that they were going to change it backwards so those first 5 years would still count. If that's the case, I'm done paying student loans in a couple years! WOO HOOO!
Family/Friends
Mom is getting worse. She's needing more oxygen and she's needing it more often. She recently saw her cardiologist and her ordered an echo and a stress test. The results were... frustrating? Her ejection fraction has actually improved since it was last measured (about 4 years ago). That doesn't go at all with her worsening symptoms. The next step is a visit in January where they'll talk about managing her symptoms through medications, which I assume means taking her off or at least reducing some of her blood pressure meds. They were so worried for so long that an elevated blood pressure would damage her heart that she's normally running at 90/60. If you or I would run that low we'd be dizzy and probably pass out.
My brother bought a house. It's um... it's huge. It's almost 3,700 square feet with a full huge basement and a big livable attic. It has separate bedrooms for all the kids even though they are all adults now. It's nice and just a few blocks down from where he lived before so it's similarly built in the 1930s. We'll see how much it costs to heat and cool this behemoth but he's happy with it. We're actually heading over there tomorrow for our family Christmas (it would be today but he works).
Work
I'm going to make another full post about work after this, so nothing more to say here.
Entertainment
I've had the good fortune, recently, of finding most movies I want to watch on the streaming services I have. Hulu, HBO, Netflix, Amazon, Disney, and Paramount.
For 'tv' series, I watched Disney+'s Hawkey and... well, it was fine. If you love Marvel's MCU then you kind of have to watch it but otherwise you could skip it and be fine. I'm watching Star Trek Discovery and loving it. I watched the live action version of Cowboy Beebop and loved it... and naturally they canceled it. Bastards. Beyond that it's mostly been older movies. I seem to be going through a 90s renaissance.
Speaking of the 90s, you can't really discuss those movies without going to the Matrix. I re-watched the three main movies and most of the Animatrix. GOD those movies are awesome and hold up so well. Sure, the graphics would be improved especially in the big fights from the 2nd and 3rd movies, but still... wow. This was of course in preparation to watch The Matrix Resurections, which I watched the other night.
I think I'm going to need more time to digest it. It's hard to really compare like this as visually it's FAR more beautiful than any of the other movies. But then again, it doesn't have that same color delineation that helped define the previous movies (green for the matrix, blue for the real world...). It's story works, but the original three movies take place over what, a year? This one is set in the universe 20 or 60 years later (depending on how you look at it), so it's naturally going to sit outside of the original story telling themes.
Lot's to like, but there is one glaring problem that I don't think I can get over. Agent Smith. I won't ruin it, but he's in it and it's NOT Hugo Weaving. I'm sorry, I think he's just as important to the movies as Neo and Trinity and he's not there. That just doesn't work for me and he's missed.
Music wise I got added quite a few songs to my library. Some highlights:
This is a great simple song. It give me hope and despair in equal measure.
Busy - time to write
It feels like the past few months have just been absolutely crushingly busy. This is the first time I've had to sit down and write and honestly, I'm not sure another chance is going to come up soon. Well... next week, but not after that. To be fair, I've filled a lot of my extra time by returning to D+X and playing there. That saps a lot of my creative energy and directly takes away from story writing and capping. But it's not just that.
I find when I get home from work, at a normal time that is, I just eat dinner then plop down in front of the computer and watch youtube videos or a movie. I just turn off.
You know, just writing that little bit has gotten me the answer I was looking for. It's not time, it's work. So I'll cover that in the next post about work. Nevermind. Carry on, Carry on.
Just Dance
I am so close to just giving up on this story. And that really hurts to say as I think it's a good story. But I'm stuck and have been stuck in roughly the same place for like... 5 or 6 months? Yeah, since May. Here's the story so far, skipping all the details and just getting the timeline out:
Our hero/heroine (Andy) graduates dancing school and moves to the big city with his friend from college (Merry). She gets sweet gigs while he barely scrapes by. There just aren't many jobs for male dancers and he doesn't have the built up physique that would keep him in competition for the jobs. Merry's dance troupe doesn't even take men and that gets under both of their skins. So, he dresses up like a girl, practices a femme dance routine, and auditions just to prove the point that male dancers can do just as well. Two things happen at the audition. First, they actually let men in, so Andy (now Andi) has to perform in front of 'other' men as his femme self. Second, there's a film crew there.
The crew is there filming the auditions for the TV dance competition show 'Just Dance' and they let the troupe in. But they only let them in with the caveat that both Andi and one of the guys get to join as they'll focus their B story on the new dancers. Andi agrees begrudgingly and we're off to the races. He keeps finding problems and the solutions are further feminization at practically every step. His fellow new dancer, Damon, starts falling for him/her and she's encouraged to let that happen by both the production company and the dance troupe leader. His idea of simply wearing a pumped up sports bra for breasts and very tight dance gaffe for a smooth crotch don't work long term so he gets a, admittedly very sci fi, procedure done that gives him real (temporary) breasts and a near permenant gaffe that keeps him locked under an incredibly realistic looking pussy. Without the relief he was getting from Merry (they'd had sex with him en-femme) he was now constantly horny. That, and the fact that Damon was taking him out on dates and kissing and holding him/her was really pushing him over the edge.
There are several great scenes that were fun to write and hopefully would be fun to read. Like Damon teasing Andi and Andi chasing Damon out of their combined dressng room around the studio, only for Damon to catch her into a hug and carry her away. She's pissed at being carried like that until he sets her down and says her robe was open and she was dispalying her breasts for everyone to see. Including the cameras. Another scene, more graphic, was the producer insisting she keep Damon sexually satisfied and 'shows' her how to give head. A forced blow job, with the pressure to perform another blog job on her 'boyfriend'. A great scene where they go out on a date all over New York as a young semi famous couple. And the most recent scene is them in another club where Andi is practically forced by several dance members to give a sexy show of taking a blow job shot (the drink). They're competeting against a fellow dance troupe and each person takes it up a notch with Andi going last. She wins as the sexiest, but only with the help of Damon (I'll let you imagine how that goes).
But here's the problem. I don't know where to go next. I haven't written a lot of stories in this lengthy category. It's now at 74 pages in MS word and just under 42,000 words. The ones I've written like this... 'Thesis', 'Maid to be his', and 'Opels and Pearls'... I went with a simple premise. Write and let the storie's direction take me where it wanted to go. I had a vague idea of the end in each of those stories, but I let the story get there however it wanted. And I have a vague idea of how to end this one... it seems obvious to end it at the finale of the 'Just Dance' show, whether they win or lose. BUT, I'm not there yet and I don't know how to get from where I am to there.
I DO know there are several beats to go yet. Dealing with her emotions toward Damon. Sex (with Damon and maybe with others). Dealing with the producer (comeuppance?). Further feminization. But again... I don't know how to get from here to there, let alone how to hit those mile markers.
Another problem is my mind getting stuck on another story. I talked a bit about it here, but basically it's a time travel story into the future where a guy is transformed into a woman in a society where men completely and totally dominate their women. Yeah, it'll be a sex and humiliation fest. You see, I keep thinking of little details that will make that story spicier. Like originally it was just going to be two guys going into the future, one changed into the 'wife' and one changed into a proper modern husband (bigger musculature, more aggressive demeanor, bigger cock...), but I thought it might be fun to have a third go with them. A woman. She doesn't get transformed (except to enhance her femininity) but where the transformed hero would be fighting to keep his inner masculinity, she'd be falling into the 'modern' feminine submission..... and dragging the transformed hero further down with her.
So, I'm not sure what to do with 'Just Dance'. I could go through and do the finishing work I'd normally do. Tighten up the writing, fix any continuity errors, give it some more precursor moments that become more obvious later.... and then post it as an incomplete story. I'd leave it up and only finish it when I feel I could come back and do it proper justice but knowing that I might never come back to it. Then get to work on the future story?
I just don't know. I don't even know if this writers block would be solved by turning my attention to the 'new' story. I might do all this work and post an unfinished work, only to have nothing come of it. Then I'm locked into what I wrote where I later might want to change it.
If you're reading this and have an idea, please don't keep it to yourself. I'm honestly struggling. I'd ask someone directly to read what I have and give me direction, but reading this much is a task in itself and I don't want to put that much on someone's plate.
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