Hi There!

Hello World.  If you're just stepping in here for the first time, let me explain what exactly you're seeing here.

I have a blog called Caitlyn's Masks.  I create and share stories, illustrated stories, and captioned image stories that all relate to TG or transgenderism.  It's... well to be frank... it's graphic.  At it's most polite it can be called erotic fiction.  At it's most overt it can be called porn.

Anyway, I started that blog years ago and have a feminine persona to go along with it.  Caitlyn.  But I'm not Caitlyn... or I guess to put it most clearly, I'm not JUST Caitlyn.  I'm a guy.  When I started the blog I was at a dark time in my life.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was grasping at straws to find something to like, enjoy, love, and participate in.  I was dirt poor.  I had recently given up a career that with the schooling involved took up over a decade of my life, and was going back to school to start a new career.

When I finally got that job, when I got the chance to start my life again... I lost something.  I lost Caitlyn for awhile.  But I had such good relationships with the people I'd met as her that I wanted to continue to share with them.  I couldn't share the TG side of my life because that all but disappeared... but I could share the rest of my life.  Calvin's side of life.  The only problem is that I was incredibly nervous about someone in my alternate life (other people call it Real Life) would find this more open exploration of 'me' and connect the dots.  I could just picture a family member stumbling upon this new blog, connecting the dots, and realizing that this is in fact me.  And then following those breadcrumbs further back and finding...


porn

That would be an incredibly awkward conversation.  "Hey Mom... yeah, I have felt and sometimes still feel like a woman called Caitlyn.  I had/have fantasies about giving guys blowjobs and wrote stories about that and then shared it with the world.  What's for dinner?"

So, I made the blog private.  I basically said that if you were already part of this community (with the assumption that the people I don't want to know about Caitlyn isn't already part of this community) then you can peek in and see my musings and ramblings.

But it's now years later.  And the group of people that I'm nervous about finding this part of my life is smaller.  Friends?  Hey... yeah, this is me.  It doesn't change a thing about our friendship.  Co-workers?  Yup, still me.  I don't bring this to work and don't think it's relevant to my ability to do good work.  Family... oh yeah, still nervous about them.

But as my creativity dries up and I go months without connecting with them at my previous blog, and they find it difficult or annoying to connect with me here at the private blog... I still want to connect.  I still miss them and want to share parts of my life.

So I'm just taking down the walls here.  I'm fairly sure I've said this before (I'm too lazy to go back and check), but I will not share my name, or my home city, or other directly identifying things about myself.  But I am a nurse, I work in a prison, I'm in my 40s, I live with my mother and my brother, I am unmarried, and my nickname is Calvin.  If that makes you know me, then yup, that's me.

Like so many other things in life, my interest in posting here will wax and wane.  Time, or the lack thereof, seems to be the constant thread connecting all parts of my life.  To little time for friends, too little time for gaming, too little time for role playing, too little time for tv, too little time for family, too little time to complain about having too little time for everything else.

While writing this post out, this some came across my playlist.  And while it doesn't fit this situation perfectly, it does kind of work.  Those Winds of Change... they keep on blowing. (heh... blowing).

You don't know, what you had
You're gonna find, I ain't so bad
When I'm gone, and you're alone, no one to give it to you
'Cause now I know, where its at
That's right I'm wrong, it's such a drag
That the bitch is back
But not for long

Any day now
Any way now
Winds of change they blow in my direction
We both see that its time
Go on cry don't say words of inspiration
We both know that its time
So walk on by
So walk on by

Sitting there, your little throne
The queen of right, got no king of wrong
To bring it on, you play it on, go find someone else
You never felt this before
I don't feel the same anymore
'Cause I don't need this shit going on

Any day now
Any way now
Winds of change they blow in my direction
We both see that its time
Go on cry don't say words of inspiration
We both know that its time
So walk on by
So walk on by

Hanging clothes on the line

Does a ? to my time
Me, I'm doing fine
Then she sees me walk on by
So walk on by
So walk on by