In the figurative though... oh yes I play with fire often. These past few weeks I've done that in several ways. At work I butted heads with custody officers and I'm still looking for that elusive transfer. At home... well yeah I was frighteningly playing with real fire there.
And lastly, I'm jumping from the frying pan of capping into the fire of roleplaying at DX again.
So yeah... fire is the theme for today's post. First, let me update you on the 'Last Call' situation. It seems that my email lit a fire under the HUM and she took it to the Captain with a purpose. Not only was it made clear that no officer would order any nurse to perform some medical or nursing task, it was also made clear that the entire idea of "Last Call" is on it's way out. At least in it's current form.
Unfortunately shit rolls down hill, and this particular pile of shit ended up on a sergeant that I bear no ill will towards. For the purposes of this post let's call him sergeant H. Sergeant H wants to transfer out of our facility. He came here a couple years ago to serve under our deputy warden and that warden has since moved on to his own facility. BUT since he recieved his promotion to sergeant at our facility the current warden won't let him transfer for another couple years saying he owes us that much time for the promotion. I can kind of understand the warden's though process, but it's still a dick move to make.
Anyway, sergeant H is the current shift commander on the south side of the prison. As shift commander, any problem on his shift is his problem. Even if he wasn't there. Which he wasn't. Sergeant H came and talked to me and another nurse about the situation to get his head better wrapped around the situation and agrees that the initial issue that created "Last Call" isn't really a problem at all. You see when a particular lieutenant came to our facility he didn't like the way 'late' inmates would get their medicine. By 'late' I mean inmates that had call outs preventing them from coming to the medline. At that time they would get a pass from their unit officer, come into the health center, and get their meds individually. The Lt didn't like them coming inside so he mandated that they would line up outside where an officer would be made available to do the mouth checks.
Well of course if this is going on outside, they don't need a pass. And if they don't need a pass, then anybody can just walk on up. So inmate's didn't take long to start taking advantage of the situation. Now if they're playing a game of cards or exercising, or just hanging out during med line, they'll skip it knowing that they can just walk on up at Last Call to get their meds.
Well, sergeant H says 'fuck that' and has no problem with them coming inside. He is completely on the same page of my thinking... the officers in the unit will be best set up to decide if an inmate can come to get their meds late as they'll know if the inmate had a reason to miss the med line. If they didn't have a reason (and no, "I was taking a nap" is NOT a reason!) then they don't get a pass. No pass, no meds. This of course in no way stops the nurses from also making this decision... if we want someone to come up and either take their meds or refuse them to our face we can always call out and have that inmate come up.
This entire process will be finished before 2100 (9pm). And since this will be happening inside, we won't need to sacrifice the health center officer to go outside and do the mouthchecks. While this process is being set up and the last call is currently going on, if our officer is still needed inside the health center, one WILL be made available so that we can continue working.
All in all I think this is a good thing. I didn't want this particular sergeant to get in trouble, but he will step up and make sure the problem gets fixed.
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Speaking of work and piles of shit.... we had 30 transfers yesterday. THIRTY!!!! We kind of freak out when we get over 15 and aren't really comfortable if we are getting more than 10! THIRTY!!!! The day previous I didn't have a lot of call outs or other transfers so I spent the majority of the day prepping all of those transfers. I take our transfer sheets which helps us organize all the information we'll need (Hepatitis B vaccination status, tetanus vaccination status, TB test status, future appointments, chronic conditions, current medications, restricted medications, insulin use, medical details and special accommodations...). I can't complete the process as there are several questions we have to ask (Suicidal? Homicidal? Self Harm risk?), and there are several questions that I need their physical charts for, but I can do a lot of grunt work. Even on a slow day, I got through 26 of them.
Take a moment to consider that... I"m quick on the computer and on a slow day with almost nothing standing in my way, I only got through half of the process for 26 out of 30 transfers. Just imagine if I were trying to DO the transfers.
So yesterday rolls around. It's me and another nurse (let's call him RN G... RNG) and all has been set up to give us as much room as possible. We don't have any major call outs, an LPN from the north side was made available to assist us whenever we wanted (an actual assist... he'd get vitals, usher in and out inmates and more or less help RNG and I be as effective and as efficient as possible. A supervisor made herself available and said she'd come over and even stay late if need be. The med room nurses (two good LPNs) would handle several late call outs that the RNs normally take care of (a nightly injection, a bedtime diabetic, some nurse administered eyedrops). In short, we were ready to get as many of these guys out as possible.
Then the news came. The bus broke down. The 30 inmate wouldn't be arriving until around 2000 (8 pm). The prep work I had done the day previous would still help, but even with the LPN assisting and the supervisor staying, there was no way we could even imagine that we'd get done with the transfers in 2 hours.
The inmates arrived at the prison at 2030 and it took them almost an hour to make it over to our health center. When the third shift nurse came on we had to tell him that HE had 30 transfers.
Ouch
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So the house almost burned down the other day.
Not really, but it was a fun happening. My brother R was in Chicago for some working related training and Mom as cooking up a roast. While standing in the dining room I noticed t he light in the oven flickering fairly brightly and just figured it was on it's way to light bulb heaven. I even commented on it to Mom. When I went to look at the light though I saw that the flashes were coming from the bottom of the oven... they were coming from the heating element.
It was on fire.
And that, as frightening as it seems, was literally true. This wasn't grease ON the heating element or some other combustible material.. it was the metal heating element burning. I turned off the oven, but the flame remained. I doused it with baking soda (our fire extinguisher has been empty for going on 20 years), but the flame remained. I even doused it with water, but the flame remained. Only by flicking off the circuit breaker in the basement did the flame go out.
I did some quick research and it seems that if there's a weak spot in the heating element it can grow hotter than the rest of the element. It can grow hot enough to ignite the coating on the element and that's exactly what happened to our oven. The coating was burning away making the heating element look like a big fuse.
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I still haven't heard anything new about the new job. The supervisor there said it should be posted sometime in mid September, and it's only the 17th, but GOD am I getting excited about that prospect!
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I decided to try playing at DX again. Not as some new character, but as my old standby.... Miss Caitlyn. It's the character I'm most recognized as and since I've been visiting I've been welcomed very warmly. Most people are very excited about me returning. But I decided to do my return a little differently.
When I stopped playing there in 2012, I was playing a strong confident woman. She was comforbably with her body and very (VERY!) comfortable with sex. Sex with the girls where she was more or less a dominant. Sex with other staff members where she was more or less a lesbian. Sex with men. Oh yes... my character got down on her knees and gave blow jobs. My character spread her creamy thighs and let a man fuck her.
Now from the get-go at DX I played this character from my gut. The premise is that guys are transformed against their will. At least most guys... there are some who come for willing transformatins. Most players quickly end up becoming willing females. But not me. Not my character. My character struggled with the whole idea of being feminine and having sex... sex with women and sex with men. But over the almost two years playing there, I grew more comfortable with my femme self. The character eventually became a staff member and then eventually became the sexy confident woman that existed in October of 2012 when I walked away.
Many people walk away from DX and many of those people eventually return. The returns are handled gracefully enough. If the character was a girl there, she was either 'sold' and then 'returned' to the institute or she escaped and was re-caught. If the character was a staff member, she generally goes to work at another location and then returns to the 'home' office. That option was made available to me, but it didn't feel right. Mainly because I couldn't play that same character. I don't think I could currently play a strong sexy confident woman. Those same delicious reluctances are there again. Sure, in cap form I can write up about sex... but it's writing about another person. The character 'Miss Caitlyn' is not exactly me, but again I've always played her from the gut. My reactions are her reactions. And as I've discussed over and over, I"m not all that comfortable in my femme form any longer. Hell I find it difficult to FIND my the femme side of my mind more often than not.
So just coming back as that woman wouldn't make sense. That much was made clear when I stopped by in the 'shout box' (a kind of chat room at the forum), and several players/character greeted me warmly. Shout has always been a middle area between being yourself as a player and yourself as yoru character. Everyone finds their own personal mix. Me, I've always been my femme self... so kind of my self and kind of my character. Well, one character greeted me with a hug. Just a hug. That character/player's name?
Sean.
Sean hugged me. A man hugged me. I don't care that I was there with the name 'Caitlyn'... I saw that as a man hugging ME. And um.. no... I wasn't comfortable with that in any way whatsoever. Now from his persepctive a hug was a fun mild way to say hello. I've always played and acted there as a woman. I never hid the fact that I was really a man, but I took the role playing all the way that I could. And a hug? Well the last three threads I had with Sean were:
- Me taking a class with him as a teacher. The class was called "Lip Service For Him". It's a class on giving blow jobs. In this class I gave him a sensual long sexy blow job.
- Me taking a class with him as a teacher. This class was called "Intercourse 101". Yea... in that class we fucked. And fucked and fucked and fucked.
- Sean taking me out on a Date. On this date I gave him several blow jobs and we fucked and fucked and fucked.
Those three threads were the culmination of my character accepting her role as a feminine creature. To me and to my character that role includes being a straight woman (I still had plenty of sex with the ladies and the girls too!) and having sex with a man.
So him greeting me with a hug was about as sexual to us as a handshake. But still....
A man hugged me.
A man told me he was very excited to see me again.
A man told me he was looking forward to playing with me again.
I literally couldn't even acknowledge the hug. The normal polite thing to do in the shout would be to return the hug or at least say hello back to him. I couldn't do either of those things. It still bothered me... a man wanted to hug me, was excited to see me and wanted to play with me. And the way I took 'play with me' wasn't role play a scene with me... it was to have sex with me.
My gut reaction was one of shock and a little embarrassment. Humiliation.
So no.. I couldn't just come back and pick up where I left off. So I've set this fairly elaborate story in motion. It will both explain my absence, AND my character's regression back to my current mindset of discomfort and embarrassment. Miss Caitlyn was sold (she was still property of the institute even though she was staff) to a King for his son. The son loved another woman who was demure and shy and was a little put off by Miss Caitlyn's brazen sexuality. One of his friends using hypnosis and a machine that could reinforce and diminish memories tried to change Miss Caitlyn. Well, in short, he fucked up and Miss Caitlyn is fucked up too.
My character will be 'demoted' back to girl status and be taking classes again. It will let me play that reluctant girl that I was so long ago when I started there... the same one that's about as close to how I feel when I put my femme mind on. The only problem is that I'm playing that re-arrival thread with one of the best players there... Ms Barbara. And Ms Barbara posts slowly. I'd be lucky to post myself twice a day, but Ms Barbara will go almost a week in-between posts. So it will be a long time before I get out of the arrival. It's not all bad though... Ms Barbara is a really good player and a really good story teller, so I'm sure my story will be enhanced by Ms Barbara's participation.
This could of course end badly. I can see two good outcomes from playing again. First, it could let me find that elusive 'Caitlyn' voice again. That could help my caps, but it could also help me make more sense of what those few years spent playing as a girl really meant to me. Second, it could just be a fun outlet. A way to re-connect with some friends and just be a side activity to my life. But it could, like playing with fire, blow up in my face too. What if I don't ever get back into the femme mindset? Will that hurt my friends at DX? Will I more or less be saying "I don't understand your lifestyle choices"? I hope not.
Anywho... I'm going to get my day rolling and I'm sure I'll be back eventually. Hopefully with a better Last Call, a newly transferred job, an oven that works, and a fun femme playstyle at DX.
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