Tiffany - Reviewed

 I've been holding off on giving a review of Tiffany, and this past week I think I figured out why.  A Nautilus can't hold a candle to a Mustang.  

I know that sounds bad.  Spending more money per month, for two more years, to have a vehicle that isn't as good as my previous one.  And in a way, it IS bad.  But that's where the complexity starts.  I guess I'll have to write this review up in two parts as I'm honestly of two minds about it.   Lemme write about the Good of Tiffany and then I'll write about the Bad of Tiffany.  

The Good
There are levels of luxury in cars.  I watch several car youtubers that review and show off both new and old cars and they talk about cars I currently drive cars, I've driven before, and cars I want.  To me, the luxury scale kind of looks like this:

1. Rolls Royce
2. Maybach, Bentley
3. Mercedes, BMW, Audi
4. Lexus, Volvo, Jaguar, Aston Martin, Land Rover
5. Cadillac, Lincoln, Acura, Chrysler, Infiniti, Genesis

Now, I'm not including some brands that can be very luxurious like Ferrari, Bugatti, Porsche, and Lamborghini.  Those brands, to me, focus more on the sport first.  And of course there are lesser cars that may have a trim level or two that can climb to this luxuriousness (I'm looking squarely at you Buick!).  

Like everything in life, even Luxury is stratified.  When I think of luxury cars, I tend to think between Lexus, Volvo, Mercedes, and Audi.  BMW, especially recently, seems to have gone 'sporty at all costs'.  Jags are nice, but reliability is part of luxury and they aren't reliable.  Aston is sporty, Land Rover is unreliable.  Maybach, Bentley, and Rolls are ultimate luxury and are almost more about being driven in, rather than driving.  Certainly not for commuting back and forth to a daily job.  

The lesser brands there are right on the edge of luxury.  Where some brands can reach up into luxury, these brands can reach down out of luxury.  They're all based off non luxury brands.  Caddy is General Motors (Chevy), Lincoln is Ford, Acura is Honda, Genesis is Hyundai... so they can get pretty cheap pretty fast, especially if they're competing on price.  

So, I put all that out there to say that I didn't go into Tiffany thinking she was going to be some ultimate luxury ride.   She's a Ford Edge with some new sheet metal and a new interior.  The trim levels add extra bits and toys, but the interior doesn't change all that much.  And to be honest, I'm not even sure they list the trim level on the outside, let alone have differences that I can spot.  

But Tiffany IS luxurious.  Her seats are really comfortable.  Her suspension and ride are FAR more compliant than I think any SUV has a right to be.  Her leather dash, door panels, seats, and trim are fantastic.  Not Mercedes or Lexus level, but way better than the Fords I've driven.  And yes, I'm including Isabella in this group.  Remember, Isabella was my Ford Fusion Platinum that was supposedly just as luxurious as a Lincoln.  Now that I've experienced the other side of that.... nope.  She was nice, but not nearly as nice as Tiffany.  

I mean, just about every single surface you touch is nice.  Is... wow!  There are some hard plastics at the bottom of the doors and the bottom of the center console (where your feet hit) but you have to willfully touch those to find them as they aren't natural places you'll reach.  The plastics are even nice.  No piano black that shows finger prints like the FBI.  Even small details like the storage area in the center area has a door that you push open, then push a bit to close again.  It just moves smooth and slow and... luxuriously!  

The outside looks are more of the same.  Classy.  Chrome, but it's used properly and not overtly.  All LED lights that are freaking BRIGHT!  When you approach Tiffany her lights driving lights do a little dance.  The below video is a good example, especially at the 37 second mark.  Her driving lights light up in turn, the lights in the door handles all turn on, and the "Lincoln Welcome Mat" comes on (a puddle light in front of the front doors).  

While on the subject of lights, when you turn a corner a light will turn on facing that way so you can see where you are about to go.  I think the whole light assembly is supposed to turn that way but there's something about American regulations that doesn't allow it.  Still, it's nice to have the light turn on in that direction.  

The entertainment system is about the same thing as I had in Isabella and Nina.  It's Sync 3, just with a Lincoln skin on it.  It's nice, it's easy to use, and it's so very clearly NOT what I wanted as I wanted Sync 4.  The sound system, the Revel Ultima system, has 19 speakers and is worth the price of admission all on its own.  From Classical to Hip Hop.  From Rock to singer/songwriter.  From Country to pop.   It ALL sounds good.  I can differentiate between older songs that I have that are lower quality where in Nina I couldn't tell the difference.  Even at near full volume, the system still holds fidelity and sounds amazing.  My ears give out before the speakers start to rumble and distort.  

There's just the size.  She's a big girl, but in all the good ways.  I can sit comfortably and feel that I'm stretching out and still have room on the center arm rest for someone else.  There's plenty of room in the 'trunk' for a full load of groceries.  If I put the rear seats down (which I can do from the rear) there is a ton of room in back.  She even came with the cargo accessories so there is a nice carpeted mat in the back as well as a plastic cover I can put over (I used it when I got Nina's winter wheels and tires from where they were stored).  I can also toss stuff in the back seat with ease and there's room for somone to comfortably sit back there.  Yes, I can now haul 4 adults in my car again!  

And finally there's Tiffany's ride.  She glides.  Even with her gorgeous 21 inch wheels and thin tires, which should give her a harsh ride, she's smooth and easy going.  Isabella had adaptive cruise that would go all the way down to a stop and then resume.  Nina had adaptive cruise, but it stopped when she slowed down below 12 miles per hour.  Tiffany gets the stop and go back, but adds the lane centering.  The lane centering isn't self driving like I was hoping for... I was hoping she'd drive herself with me just occasionally touching the wheel to prove I was paying attention... but it's still amazing.  I feel like when the cruise is on, I'm co-driving the car with Tiffany.  I 'urge' her left and right while we're going straight and all but let go when we go around a curve as she handles it smoother than I can.  Yes, when the lane markings disappear or curve inappropriately it can confuse her, but she gets it most of the time.  My 'standard' driving position is with my hands at a little lower than 2 and 10.  When I'm comfortable I drop my left hand and just use my right.  With Tiffany and her "Adaptive Cruise Control with Stop and Go and Lane Centering" on, I drop my elbow to the center arm rest and grip the wheel at a little lower than 4.  I've tried this since without the cruise on and I just don't have enough control down there... but with Tiffany driving with me, it's fine.

So, now when I get out of Tiffany after my commute to or from work, I'm comfortable and well rested.  I didn't drive for an hour... we did.  Oh, and did I mention my back?  No?  Well that's because my back pain is all but gone.  I thought, in the back of my head, that I was over-exaggerating my back pain in relation to Nina.  Basically I thought I was using it as an excuse to help me just get something new.  Nope.  It was real and it's now all but gone.  Oh, my back still hurts on occasion, but driving doesn't make it worse.  It really helps that getting into Tiffany means getting 'up' into her a bit and getting out is getting 'down' a bit.  Nina?  Getting in was putting my ass on the ground and getting out was crawling up out of a hole.  

Those are the good things.  Sounds like a lovely car right?  Well...

The Bad
First and foremost... she ain't special.  Nina was special.  Nina caught people's eye and demanded attention.  I never got so many compliments on a car as I did with Nina.  "Nice car man!" was a common call to me.  Let's just look at several comparisons.  In annual sales, the Nautilus is actually far rarer than the Mustang.  In 2019 Ford sold 72,489 Mustangs while Lincoln sold 31,711 Nautiluses.  For current generation Mustangs (2015-2019) there have been 458,478 sold.  For current generation Nautiluses and MKXs (Remember, the Nautilus is a mid cycle refresh of the MKX which was a new generation in 2016, so 2016-2019) there have been only 122,282 sold.  So the edge goes to Tiffany to be more rare right?  

Wrong. 

Nothing looks like a Mustang.  They just aren't confused for something else.  Sure, at a long distance to someone who doesn't know cars at all it might be confused for other sporty coupes, but that's still a small number of vehicles.  Camaros, Challengers, a handful of others.  Tiffany?  Well, everything looks like her.  Or rather, she looks like everything else.  SUVs dominate the road and all of car sales.  In America SUVs and Crossovers account for almost 50% of all auto sales.  FIFTY FREAKING PERCENT!  Obviously, Tiffany can easily be mistaken for a Ford Edge and those sales?  More than the Mustang alone.  

Tiffany is also easily mistaken for other Lincolns.  Seriously, almost 3 months into Lincoln ownership, and I'm having a hard time differentiating a Lincoln MKC/Corsair, MKX/Nautilus, Aviator, and Navigator from the front.  Sure, the Navigator is huge, but when I had one tail me for an hour one morning, I was admiring it thinking it was another Nautilus.  Throw in all the SUVs that are similarly shaped and similarly sized and Tiffany is in the downright common category.  Only if you know what she is do you realize she's special.  Everybody realized Nina was special.  

Tiffany looks good, but she's not very pretty.  I'm still working this out in my head as I can't point out the difference yet, but it's distinctly there.  She doesn't look bad from any angle, but she just doesn't look as good as I thought she should.   There's that old saying that you know you love your car when you look over your shoulder at her when you're walking away.  Well, I did that all the time with Nina.  Front, rear, side... she just drew my eyes in even after two years.  Tiffany?  I'm over it.  She's nice... just nothing special.  When I approach her I'm more happy to see her light show than I am to see her shape or color.  

Speaking of color... meh.  The 'Rhapsody Blue' looked so good in certain videos and photos.  But it is a DARK blue unless the sun is shining brightly on her.  When I showed Tiffany to J the other weekend she thought Tiffany was black.  It was a bright sunny day, but the sun was shining directly on the other side, so she just saw her as black.  Only when we walked around to the other side did she see what I wanted... her pretty blue paint.  And  you know what dark colors are for keeping a car clean... a nightmare.  Any water spots stand out like a sore thumb.  Any dust stands out, let alone true dirt.  After a day of rain, Tiffany looks like a nightmare.  

That's not to big of a deal, right?  I mean, I pay $40 a month for unlimited 'ultimate' washes at the local auto wash.  Yeah... about that.  On my current schedule I normally got Nina washed twice a week.  Once on my 'early' day from work and once on the weekend.  Outside of a day of storms, that kept her looking great and shiny all the damned time.  So at first, I did he same thing with Tiffany.  Well, the second time I got her washed, one of the flappy brush things grabbed the rear windshield wiper arm and ripped it off.  It actually broke the plastic making me need a whole new wiper arm assembly.  

I just chalked it up to bad luck.  I mean, I've washed Mom's escape in the same wash and it has the same rear wiper arm (literally, it's the same part!) and it didn't break off.  So, I replaced the arm and kept washing Tiffany on the same schedule.  Even with the twice weekly washings, she looked dirtier than Nina more often because of the dark paint.  Not bad dirty... still cleaner than most cars... but dirty for me.  And then it happened again.  The wash didn't break the arm, but it ripped the rear wiper blade out of the arm.  That was terrible as it is a pain in the ass to replace the blade and that was on a week where it absolutely stormed for three days.  The damned wiper is smart too, so when it's raining and you shift into reverse, it will wipe the rear for you... blade or no.  Yeah, it may be slight and hard to see, but I now have a scratch arch on my rear windshield.  

I can't accept a system that breaks my vehicle twice in two months.  I canceled the membership and now take Tiffany to a hand wash station.  It costs me about $7 to wash her, but it takes a lot of time with me outside doing the work.  I'm sure I won't do it all the time in winter.  Tiffany will just be dirtier than I want.  

For driving, she's obviously far more comfortable than Nina, but I never thought Nina would be comfortable.  I thought she'd be fast.  The 2.7L turbo V6 in Tiffany is no slouch.  At 335 horsepower, she's the second most powerful vehicle I've ever owned.  But that's still 130 ponies less than Nina with an extra thousand pounds of weight.  She's quick, just not fast.  And with it being a turbo, the speed doesn't come on in a smooth line like it did with Nina.  It' comes on slow and easy, THEN BAM, it starts really going.  Yes, I can put her in sport mode and she's quicker than you'd expect, but that's at lower speeds and at stop and go type driving.  Sport mode doesn't change highway driving.  

I've had so many people at work ask me if I sold Nina.  They didn't know her name, but they still asked if I sold my car or sold my Mustang.  I'm talking about officers and other staff that I didn't even know, let alone thought they knew I owned Nina.  I've had exactly one ask me if I liked the new car.  He then followed it up with 'What is it?'  

Yeah... Tiffany is nice.  She's just not special.  

The Conclusion
Honestly, the good far outweighs the bad.  Tiffany is a very nice vehicle that will suit me far better than any sports car ever could.  There is not any car on the market, outside of the uber luxury GT cars like an Auston Martin Vantage ($200,000), that would have the smooth driving of Tiffany and the power of Nina.  

I'll probably always look around at other cars, but now the problem will be that I'll never find what I want.  Never.  It doesn't exist.  And this is even before I consider snow performance which should be excellent in Tiffany (please please please please please please don't make me buy winter tires!!).