First, let's do an overview. A review before the questions. I don't think I need to emphasize to anybody that 2020 sucked. It bit hard. It may be the worst year of my life. I may not have contemplated suicide this year, but I honestly believe that's something I can blame on medication and not a general state of mind. One thing, and all the consequences thereof, have dominated the year. Coronavirus. COVID-19. The pandemic.
This paragraph isn't for anybody that's reading this in early 2021 or even the next few years, as they'll remember it clearly. But for those reading this year and years down the line, here's what went down. Just as 2019 was turning into 2020 there were rumblings of a disease outbreak in China. The news might have actually started out later, but it was happening. A new variant on the coronavirus that is contagious to humans and is, in its most extreme form, deadly. It spread, then spread, then spread some more. It hit America in January (or December of 2019 if some evidence is to be believed), but really got big in March. It was spreading before that but our government (sever eye roll) didn't put out how serious and contagious this was. In early February President Trump said “I think the virus is going to be—it’s going to be fine.” and “Looks like by April, you know in theory when it gets a little warmer, it miraculously goes away.” In mid March he declared a national emergency as the nation just started shutting down. No march madness, no NBA, shelter in place orders in many states, New York blowing up with tens of thousands of cases and thousands of deaths, hospitals being overwhelmed, storing dead bodies in refrigerated trucks because they couldn't dig graves fast enough, toilet paper running out, mask mandates, no eating inside, reduced gatherings.... the world fucking changed.
I'm sure there will be sites that will tell the story of COVID-19 and what it did to the world, but I'm going to focus on me. At the time both of my brothers were living with Mom and I. It was tight, but it was nice to have the family together. Well... we started to worry about Mom getting COVID-19. It was clearly a respiratory illness and she just didn't have the headroom to lose any capacity for her breathing. I'm working as a nurse in a prison and some prisons were blowing up with it... it was only a matter of time until I got it and brought it home. My brother B works in a casino, so again only a matter of time before he catches it in that petri dish and brings it home. My brother R works in public housing, but they were more or less shutting down his job so... maybe he'd be okay? On April 6th, we moved Mom into my aunt's house (Aunt S had died in March and we couldn't hold her funeral because of COVID).
Mom moved into Aunt S's home with my niece and nephews. They all locked down and didn't leave the house. The only thing they did was occasionally go through drive through and pick up groceries (where the store staff would load it into the back of Mom's Escape).
At work the department had its first cases in March and was blowing up by late March. It was bad enough that we had to give up nurses to the hardest hit facility, including one of our supervisors. We then opened up one of our closed units for a recovery unit. Then a few weeks later it hit us. It hit us BIG. At the worst in late April and early May we had over 700 positive patients. It was hard on our nurses, hard on the supervisors... and our HUM left sick. Her illness didn't end up being COVID, but she never returned. So for awhile our supervisory staff was down to half.
In mid May, Mom decided she was feeling guilty keeping the kids with her, so she sent them home. She tried living absolutely alone for awhile, but it was hard. I imagine being in her recently departed sisters home made it harder than it had to be. So, we finally decided as a family to swap out. My younger brother B and I would move into my aunt's house while Mom would come back home and live with my older brother R. It's certainly not ideal, but I think it really helped keep her safe. That was on June 27.
Later that summer my niece came and joined B and I, so it's been the three of us for about six months. On November 19th, my brother was diagnosed with COVID-19. He'd lost his sense of taste and smell, was fatigued, and had headaches. He followed his work requirements and isolated for ten days. My work requirements went further... since I was a close contact of someone I was living with I couldn't return to work for the same ten days PLUS another two weeks. Twenty Four fucking days from work. This was over the Thanksgiving holiday which sucked as I set the schedules and our holiday scheduling is a nightmare. I returned on December 14th and I think I've mostly caught up in the three weeks since.
Living away from home means my bills are outrageously out of whack. My cousins, who now own the house, don't charge us rent as they say they feel better about the house with someone in it, but that doesn't mean free. Internet, power, cable TV, gas, water, sewer, garbage, more for food.... it all adds up. Right now I'm on the last bit of not paying my student loans that congress passed and President Trump extended, but once the loans start coming again later this month, my savings will dry up quickly.
The only good thing on the horizon is that the vaccine is out. Nurses in my department have already started getting them, so it's only a matter of time before I get mine. Mom shouldn't be far behind and when we both have our second shots, I'll deem it safe to move back home. We'll see what that means at that time as obviously I have to think of B and his daughter... living here gets twice as expensive if I'm not here paying my half.
Other things happened in the year that would normally be the dominating theme if it wasn't for the 83 million world wide cases and almost 2 million world wide deaths.
Race protests and the pushback against them. I am so fucking tired of people having to fight for even the recognition that the system isn't equal and that it will take major change to fix it. We even have to fight for the right to say that it NEEDS to be fixed. At the height of the protests a group wrote "Black Lives Matter" down the street of my town. Every time I drove by it (on the way to work and on the way home from work) I'd stick my first out the window in solidarity.
The election. Yes we can and yes we did. I was a big supporter of Pete Buttigieg (and yes, I still had to use Google to spell his name right!) early on, but the debates showed me that he was just a younger version of Joe Biden, so when Biden won the democratic nomination I could happily support him. Now we only have a few more days of President Trump before President Elect Biden and Vice President Elect Kamala Harris take office. Of course President Trump and his supporters are doing exactly as he said... claiming the vote was rigged and the election was stolen from him. His lasting legacy will be having half of this country lose faith in our election system.
Fuck Trump.
And that's about it. Nothing major at work besides COVID. Nothing major with the family besides COVID. No traveling because of COVID. Nothing much of anything besides COVID. On to the questions!
1.What did you do in 2020 that you'd never done before?
Honestly consider what a pandemic or zombie apocalypse would be like. Wear an N95 mask. Wear a mask daily.
2.Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t do new year’s resolutions, so I had none to keep and I won’t make any for this year.
3.Did anyone you know give birth?
My cousin had a baby. It’s strange as he has a grown daughter that he had too young and is now in his mid 40s, so he’s having a baby when he’s too old. Oh well… he’s happy. No one else had a crumb snatcher (a term I heard on a podcast and will hopefully always use when referring to children!)
4.Did anyone you know die?
The father in-law of my good friend in Texas, A, died. It really scared the shit out of me because he has COPD much like my mom and evidently it was a bad death.
5.What countries did you visit?
None. The same would be true of states, counties, and cities. No traveling.
6.What would you like to have in 2021 that you lacked in 2020?
Connections with my friends. I want to go to Dallas and be with A. I want to travel with J. I want to hook up with E and A in some random town around the country. I want to be with my friends. I should also add that I want to have time with my Mom. I see her regularly and talk to her all the time, but after living with her for over a decade, I miss the companionship we had.
7.What date from 2020 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
I think it was March 12th when the three events occurred that made COVID-19 and its widespread affects so real. March madness was canceled. The NBA suspended the remainder of its season. Tom Hanks announced he was COVID-19 positive. In retrospect, it was such a minor day… but that made it real.
8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Not diving deeper into depression. Seriously, I feel like I not only could have, but SHOULD have lost it. Work is bonkers stressful, I’m not living at home, I can’t see my friends, I can’t travel, work took all of my annual and sick leave because I lived with someone who had COVID, fighting the nurses with legitimate complaints, fighting my Mom because she wants the same thing I do even though its not safe….
I’m still here, and that is a big achievement for 2020.
9.What was your biggest failure?
Letting panic get a hold of me. I had a sore throat in April or May and knew damned well that at work that would cause me to be out for a few days. I acted like I could just go get a test and immediately return to work, but deep down I knew it would be just short of a week off.
10.Were you seriously ill during 2018?
Nope. Never caught COVID-19. I did have a stye on my right upper eyelid for the first time and that scared the hell out of me. I also had my blood sugar continue to rise, so I started insulin. I’ll see the endocrinologist in a few days, but I’m all the way up to 55 units of Lantus every day. That’s a scary amount of insulin.
11.What was the best thing you bought?
Uhh… nothing I wanted to buy. I bought stuff to make this house more like mine. A good(ish) TV, a TV Stand, smart lamps and such, a laptop (for when we were kicked out of the house), a desk lamp… stuff like that. Nothing I’d have purchased if I were home.
12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
Anybody and everybody who took COVID-19 seriously. Those that limited their get togethers, those that maintained and increased personal distance, those that wore their mother fucking masks. As a whole, he Black Lives Matter protestors did a good job of keeping on message. There were plenty of people that wanted to make it look like any violence or riotous action was to be placed firmly on anybody and everybody protesting, but they maintained a non violent protest.
13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
Most supporters of President Trump. Those sheep willing to forego their masks, cram into a venue shoulder to shoulder, and cheer on their exalted leader. I can’t count how many ‘Karens’ came out of the wood work to demand their constitutionally guaranteed right to stand in a store and publicly demand service even when they weren’t wearing masks, maintaining social distance, or caring for society at all. And specifically for depressed and not appalled…. Those that voted for President Trump. I get it, he has fans and they’re zealots… but the plain clothed people who gave him their vote after watching what he was doing for the past four years in general and this year in particular… how can they hold their head up and think they’re good people?
14.Where did most of your money go?
Food. Living out like this with my brother, I now count every red cent that goes toward food. It’s a tight race as my car payment is still really high.
15.What did you get excited about?
Vaccinations
16.What songs will always remind you of 2019?
REM’s “It’s the end of the world as we know it”
17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
Sadder/Happier?
Sadder. I talked about that above.
Thinner/Fatter?
About the same? Maybe a couple pounds on the plus side.
Richer/Poorer?
Uhh… I spent a lot of money on things I didn’t want. That’s losing money and not gaining anything that makes me richer. But at the same time I got another raise and technically now make more money. Lets call this one even (leaning toward poorer)
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Visited with friends. Lived at home.
19.What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worry about every cough, sneeze, sore through that, headache, or other completely normal ‘symptoms’ that I had and believing it was the ‘Rona.
20.How will you be spending Christmas?
I spent Christmas alone. My brother worked and my niece went out with her family. Lot’s of Youtube.
21.What is the one thing you would have gone back and done differently this year?
I’m not sure. My behavior all seems and feels rational and right in the face of a pandemic. Maybe found a way to be with my friends, even if it was driving across country to sit 10 feet from them in a parking lot.
22.Did you fall in love in 2018?
Nope.
23.Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
Nope.
24.What was your favorite TV program?
Since they both come out weekly and I watch them as close to their release date as possible, I guess I’d have to go with Star Trek Discovery and Star Wars The Mandalorian.
25.What was your greatest musical discovery?
First, I moved from Google Play Music, to YouTube Music, to Apple Music, to Spotify. I wish they’d kept Google Play as that just worked fine everywhere. Spotify isn’t bad, but I miss getting my personal files when I’m away from the computer.
As for music… I think it’s “Waiting for a Star to fall” by Boy Meets Girl. Yeah, it’s an 80s song, but I heard it for the first time this year (in an 80s tribute video!)
26.What was the best book you read?
Stephen King’s “The Institute”. Great classic Stephen King story.
27.Are you happy with your lot?
Uhh… sure?
28.What did you want and get?
To keep Mom safe from COVID-19
29.What did you want and NOT get?
COVID-19. I know it’s petty, but I figured if I got it while I was here at Aunt S’s house, I could show Mom that it was a good idea to keep us apart.
30.What was your favorite film of this year?
During the three weeks off in November/December, I watched all the Mission Impossible movies. None of them are my favorite, but they’re all solid movies. I’d have to say that group of movies would be my favorite. Let’s face it… it was a bad year for movies with all of them being delayed and pushed back.
31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 46 in 2020. I worked, then had a birthday dinner of Pepper Steak with my family.
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
No Covid.
33.How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Still hasn’t changed. The only thing added to my ‘fashion’ which makes people at work immeasurably happier is matching my daily masks to either my shirt or my tie.
34.What kept you sane?
I lost sanity this year…
35.Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I really enjoyed Anie Agar’s videos on twitter. The ones that were ‘zoom calls’ between colleges or pro football teams (yes, it was a joke because of all the zoom calls due to covid keeping us apart).
36.What political issue stirred you the most?
Racial justice. I just can’t get my head around how to get from where we are to where we need to be with so many people denying it’s a problem.
37.Who did you miss?
Friends.
38.Who were the best new people you met/got to know?
We hired a few new nurses… they’re cool. Didn’t meet anybody else this year.
39.Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018:
Life is precious and delicate and easy to lose…. And there are people who don’t give a fuck so long as they can do what they want even though it endangers society.
40.Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
Well I never pray,
But tonight I'm on my knees, yeah.
I need to hear some sounds that recognize the pain in me, yeah.
I let the melody shine, let it cleanse my mind, I feel free now.
But the airwaves are clean and there's nobody singing to me now.
No change, I can't change, I can't change, I can't change,
But I'm here in my mold, I am here in my mold.
And I'm a million different people from one day to the next
I can't change my mold, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
Bittersweet Symphony by The Verve
As I suspected, just about every answer had to do with Covid (and if you don’t think those lyrics I quoted are about it, read them again). That just dominated this year. They say it’ll be summer before we approach normal, and that’s only if we get enough people taking the vaccinations. But we’ll get there, I’m sure of it.
Here’s to 2021!
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