A Year In Review - 2018

This whole ‘year in review’ idea am from Joanna on her Happiness blog.  I haven’t visited her site or really any blog in quite some time but this is an idea that I plan to do as often (annually) as I can.  It’s just a bit of a review of what happened over the last year and a list of questions.  The questions, over time, and their answers should be telling on how I’m changing.  I’m writing this without looking at the previous answers so they won’t bias my answers now. 

Responsibilities and the New Computer

I'm going to post my 'year in review' later, but I've finished writing it already.  Two things came up in that post that I realized I needed to share here.  One is for you (whomever you are that's reading this) and that's updating you on the computer.  It's here, it's great.  One is for me and that's starting to consider financial planning.

Thankful Updates

In my last post a month ago I went over three major 'in between' moments that I was stuck in.  Well, I need to update you on all of them.  None are strictly good, but none are strictly bad either.

First is my health.  I saw the neurologist and he was happy with the Depakote results.  He says to keep taking it and we'll check back in 6 months.  At this point, I'm fairly sure I have a long term solution to my migraines as I still haven't had one.  Oh, I still get headaches and some really bad ones, occasionally I'll get some light sensitivity and even rarer some sound sensitivity.  But it's never the combination of symptoms that equates out to a migraine and has never included that confused, "can't think straight" feeling.  So screw the weight gain, I now take Depakote every night and am happy to swallow two of those fucking horse pills (seriously, they're huge!).

Between Past and Future

There's always that funny time between what I've always known and what I'm charging off toward that really excites me and scares the living hell out of me in equal measure.  Here and now is one of those times on many different fronts including my health, my career, and my computer.  I've been at crossroads before.  I've bridged this same gap before and even done so on these same issues.  But I don't think I've ever done them all at the same time.

It's about Trust... and Pride

My computer is all fucked up again.  You know, for a guy that likes computers... for a a guy that used to work as a computer tech and got paid well for it... I'm starting to think that I'm just bad at this.

I think to really prep this, I need a recap of my computer lore.  This won't go into to much depth but as I have to read through a bunch of posts just to remind myself of my computer journey, I figure you loyal readers will have to have the same journey.  My first computer was back in junior high school.  I guess technically it wasn't mine and instead was the family's computer.  But it was mine.  A shiny brand new several thousand dollar Commodore 64 with a tv/monitor and all manner of accessories. After many years of wonderful service (and being replaced a couple times) it was replaced with an Amiga 500.  that was a beast of a computer.  It was also the bowing out point for my parents as they realized what it would take to 'keep up' with computers.

Joys and Home

I said in the last post that I would write about some thing that make me happy.  I wanted to do that so that I'd more or less get happy after thinking about that damned nightmare.  But while I was looking for a header image (I really like that nightmare image!) my brother called me out to help take the remains of my car port and toss it in the backyard (more on that later).  So while this was supposed to be a post about making me happy, it's now just going to be a halfhearted attempt at that and then a talk about Home and what that means moving forward.

The Nightmare

I don't often share my dreams or nightmares as they rarely make sense.  I don't buy into dream interpretation beyond the most basic forms.... bad dreams correlate to stressful situations, good dreams correlate to calm situations.  So most of the time when I wake up from a dream, I take just a moment to consider it, then let it flow out of memory.  I recognize if it's a good or a bad dream, but that's about it.  But this was different.  This was a nightmare.

President Trump

As I start writing this post President Trump has been in office for 1 year, 197 days, 2 hours, and 27 minutes.  I can honestly say he is almost exactly what I expected him to be as President.  A political neophyte who had no idea what he was going to do once in office and therefore hasn't done much of anything beyond make a bunch of noise.

My Second Home

I first visited Chicago when I was in the 5th grade.  It wasn't my first trip to a big city as my family had vacationed to both New York and Los Angeles before, but it was my first memory of a big urban metropolis.  It was breathtaking and amazing.  And that sense of awe hasn't ever gone away or faded in the least little bit.  I specifically remember going to China town and having my first sit down experience at a Chinese restaurant.  Pepper Steak. Yeah, I wasn't exactly adventurous back then food wise, but it was still amazing.

They Ain't Getting Better

This is just a quick update on my migraines.  The title kind of says it all... they're not only NOT getting better, they're getting worse.  I last updated you on June 11th as I was tapering up and down on topamax.  I had taped up to 100mg a day under my neurologist's direction and had decided to go back down to 75mg a day under my own choice.  Well, 75mg wasn't really any better.  Like every dose of topamax it was different, but not better.  I did have fewer migraines, but they were far worse than my 'normal' migraines.  I have to put the air quotes on that as I still don't really have a 'normal' migraine.

Debt, Payment, and Forgiveness

I write fairly often about the things I spend money on.  Travel, my computer, my car, my mom's car, little trinkets and do-dads... but on a month to month basis, the biggest thing I spend money on is debt.  Some of that is debt for the things that I'm talking about.  I put most of the computer on a credit card and had that paid off in a few months.  I put the appliances on various credit cards and had them paid off within a year.  Even my car is a constant payment.  But the biggest payment I make each and every month isn't my car payment, my credit card payment, or my store credit cards... it's my student loan payment.  My student loan payment is the primary financial reason I'm not out on my own.

Borders

On Independence Day I wrote up an Obscura on the other blog called Crossing the Border.  It was an odd moment for me as I both wanted to write 'as Caitlyn' but I also wanted to vent about the situation going on at the border.  Now, days later, I actually regret putting that there on the blog.  Sure, its a fairly good obscura and it works as a straightforward tg story, but I spent hours researching the asylum, refugee, and citizenship process while writing it.  I put a lot of information into a cap that could be boiled down to 'guy gets transformed into girl and has to go through the lengthy naturalization process to get his body back'.

Friends

I wish I had more friends.

I've shared about my friends before, but just to update how I'll refer to them and to any new readers here, let me tell you about my current cadre of friends.  This won't take long.  .

I have A and E.  I went to photo school with E and then worked with him and A as a photographer.  We became good friends and even though we don't live near each other, I still consider them my best friends.  I actually served as the officiant in both of their weddings. I'm sure if I were to ever get married, they'd both stand up in mine if not actually officiate it.  When I travel down to Dallas, I'm traveling to visit with A.  I'd travel to visit with E, but he lives in San Francisco and that's an expensive flight or a very long drive.  We vacationed together last year in New Orleans.  We text each other fairly often in a group chat and just share stuff.

Can't it be Ideas?

At the end of this post I have a conversation about the whole 'Us vs Them' thing (hence the graphic!), but to start, I have a bunch of issues to catch up on.  First, the job issue.  Yes, I'm continuing on the job search and yes, it is now a job search.  I have been in contact with my former supervisor and hopefully future HUM but her position is not yet available.  BUT as my current supervisor and HUM are now aware of my intent to move on and are both supportive of my intent to move on, they've pointed out that a position nearby has come open. Not only did they point it out but they've made introductions between the HUM there and me but got me a tour of their facility.  And on top of all that, the position DID come open.

Changing Jobs Again

Back at the end of April I shared how a single nurse was ruining my job.  She was single handedly making my days hard to take, and difficult to get over. I ended by saying that I might start looking for some Nurse Manager positions.  I did that and found a nursing manager job nearby, but I didn't pull the trigger.  I didn't want my anger to lead my career.  I didn't want HER to lead my career.  So I stuck it out and kept going.

She's Caitlyn

Point Blank; Caitlyn's gone again.

Fuck Apple and the iPod they rode in on

I last updated you on my music back in December.  It was then that I started to explore Google Music.  And I have to tell you, I ADORE Google Music.  It seems to be just about the perfect service.  As I mentioned, I already pay for it every month so that I get the additional benefit of advertising free videos on YouTube Red.  So while it's technically $10 a month, it's not like it's an extra $10 a month.  It's like saying Amazon video is $8 a month... but I already pay for Amazon Prime, so I get Amazon Video included whether I use it or not.  So I was already paying for Google Music whether I used it or not.  I'm just now using it.

Work is making me CRAZY

Okay, crazy probably isn't the best word.  Angry?  Upset?  Pissed off?  Frustrated?  Those all probably fit a little better than crazy.  But crazy just feels a little more appropriate.  I mean lets face it, I work as a nurse in a prison. The job already has a lot to make me feel frustrated and crazy built into it.  Before I dive too deep into the real subject of this post, lets look at some of the natural every day things that give me frustration and craziness at my job.

Gaming and Guilt

I don't think it's a surprise to anybody here that I have a gaming computer.  It's something that I've always wanted, it's something that I strove after, and it's something that I've not only attained, but that I've maintained.  In August of last year I was trouble shooting a problem and went ahead and upgraded most of it.  I even scratched at an itch that I've had for awhile and went with a micro ATX build instead of a standard sized one.  And it hasn't ended there.  Since then I've upgraded the mouse (three times?), the game pad, and the speakers.  In case you don't want to go through and read about my system stats in the old post, lemme catch you up:

Glasses and Such

Last Monday I had a visit with my Optometrist.  Funny story, my optometrist is a local independent owner operator.  He's not a part of a chain.  So it's not Pearl Vision or even an association with a store like Sears or Sam's Club.  They have great customer service and I have no problem giving them personal information so that they can keep in contact with me.  The email address I give them in a variation on my real name, but they kind of screwed it up... I didn't realize they screwed it up and just assumed they didn't really use it.  That is until a year later I get an email from someone with a similar email address asking me to kindly correct the optometrist and ask them to stop sending them reminders to come back and get an eye exam.  Anywho...

Guns are an American problem

(As I mentioned in the previous post, I've been dealing with some pain issues lately, so this post was written over the course of a week while I was in a lot of pain.  Forgive me if it's a less than clear.)

You know, I could have sworn I'd talked about guns on this blog before.  Maybe I'd intended to but never got around to it, or maybe I've buried it in some post with other subjects.  But it's in the news again and therefore in the forefront of my mind and I'm in the middle of several facebook debates so I figured I'd put my thoughts into order here.

Root Canal and an Escape

I wanted to catch up a few subjects.  Both my last posts have been left 'open' recently and they deserve some resolution.   So I'm going to talk about Mom's car, and my current dental issue.  If I have time and the wherewithall, I may come back and discuss my migraines, stress at work, my brother, my shoulder, and my aunt.  I may even add some more things, but those are all items that are on my mind a lot these days.

Migraines and more

It feels like 2018 is going to be another health related year.  Not that many years have been non-health related recently, but I seem to keep making appointments for health related issues.  I just had an appointment with my doctor last week and an appointment with my new neurologist this week.  I've had my first dental cleaning and have an upcoming appointment for my optometrist.  All in the first few months of the year.

Mom's New Ride

First thing's first.  Yes, this is a new header image style.  I just got a little tired of the square format with the title at the bottom and a text box around it.  I think this style will be a nice change of pace without taking too much time away from actually posting.

Okay, on to business.  No, I have not purchased my mother a new car.  Yet.  She's being stubborn about it.  I could say that this started a week or so ago when she had a complaint about her current car, but honestly this started back when I helped her pick out her current car in 2014.  I never intended for this to be the end all car for her.  Cars age.  Cars get better each and every year.  Car payments go away.  Put those together and I just figured that after 5 years I'd look and see what her current car payment could purchase at that time.  Now I didn't share that sentiment with Mom as she's like me... stubborn.  She doesn't like things being given to her and would rather 'do without' so that she can give to others.  The fact that I'm taking my money and spending it on her is a sore spot with her.