Musak Blues

I’ve had trouble as of late getting into new music.  At the very same time, I’m having trouble enjoying my own collection of music.  I WANT new music, but none of it is making me happy.  I’ve been using iTunes for my music since late 2003 and have purchased 875 pieces of music from them.  Here’s how that breaks down by year:

2003 – 8 (My first purchase was November 24^th of that year!), 2004 – 87, 2005 – 125, 2006 – 104, 2007 – 102, 2008 – 65, 2009 – 47, 2010 – 56, 2011 – 42, 2012 – 60, 2013 – 57, 2014 – 36, 2015 – 37, 2016 – 31

2017 – 16

Obviously the first few years I went a little crazy on purchasing music.  And simply by the numbers, this year is on track to be average for the last few years.  But here’s the rub.  This year PI purchased one song in January, one song in February, 11 songs on May 25^th, and 3 songs in the past couple days.  Most years I have a steady stream of new music.  I might go a month or two without something new, but not this long.  And that big burst of new music in May?  8 of them were from artists that I already knew and was simply exploring their back catalog. 

Goodbye Ginger, Hello Isabella

So back in November I posted my thoughts about my next car.  I was hyped about getting a lease and finally getting into smaller payments for a better car.  Well yesterday morning I finally took that leap.  The decision making processes to get here was tough though as I have had two leading drives for my cars;  fun vs goodness.  And I just kept sliding between those two drives.

Up until Fiona I had such a small budget for cars that I really just had to take what was available at that time.  When I got the Black Shadow of Death and Bellulah I wasn't looking for a fun car.  When I got Belinda and Lita I wasn't looking for a good car.  Those were just the best cars available when I was stuck looking for new cars.  But in 2013 when I had the opportunity to get a much newer car with a much bigger budget, I consciously made the decision to get a fun car.  I was considering the Hyundai Veloster, the Chevy Sonic, the Ford Fiesta, and of course what I ended up with, the Ford Focus.

Now, like any spectrum it wasn't JUST about fun.  With that purchase I was looking at two hours of driving a day so gas mileage was really important as was basic creature comforts.  A good stereo, comfortable seat, and techy toys.  But the reason I got Fiona was that gorgeous Yellow Blaze paint job.  For a year and a half I had a mile wide grin every time I walked out to see Fiona there waiting for me.

But after that year and a half I realized I could afford a lot more car.  Reason started to take over and I wanted a more 'mature' car.  Something that would look all adult and proper if I drove up to a job interview or meeting.  As I didn't want to lose out on the gas mileage and most small cars are on the fun size, I went with a Fusion Hybrid.  Ginger.  So long as I was driving that long every day, Ginger made the most sense.  Seriously, there wasn't another car that could do what she did without soaring costs in fuel.  Then the local job came up.

Hi There!

Hello World.  If you're just stepping in here for the first time, let me explain what exactly you're seeing here.

I have a blog called Caitlyn's Masks.  I create and share stories, illustrated stories, and captioned image stories that all relate to TG or transgenderism.  It's... well to be frank... it's graphic.  At it's most polite it can be called erotic fiction.  At it's most overt it can be called porn.

Anyway, I started that blog years ago and have a feminine persona to go along with it.  Caitlyn.  But I'm not Caitlyn... or I guess to put it most clearly, I'm not JUST Caitlyn.  I'm a guy.  When I started the blog I was at a dark time in my life.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was grasping at straws to find something to like, enjoy, love, and participate in.  I was dirt poor.  I had recently given up a career that with the schooling involved took up over a decade of my life, and was going back to school to start a new career.

When I finally got that job, when I got the chance to start my life again... I lost something.  I lost Caitlyn for awhile.  But I had such good relationships with the people I'd met as her that I wanted to continue to share with them.  I couldn't share the TG side of my life because that all but disappeared... but I could share the rest of my life.  Calvin's side of life.  The only problem is that I was incredibly nervous about someone in my alternate life (other people call it Real Life) would find this more open exploration of 'me' and connect the dots.  I could just picture a family member stumbling upon this new blog, connecting the dots, and realizing that this is in fact me.  And then following those breadcrumbs further back and finding...