Reading

I love reading.  Some of my earliest memories revolve around reading, and I can almost define each part of my life by what books I was reading.  Mom got my brothers and I started early... she wanted us to know our ABCs before we went to Kindergarten.  The first book I read was... damn I can't remember the name.

I believe it was something like 'Sam I Am', but that's probably just memories of Dr Seuss invading other parts of me.  Anywho, I was 'reading' this series of books while in Kindergarten.  It felt like there was a never ending supply of these book, but was probably more like twelve.

Soon after, I started reading the Curios George series of books.  Those I absolutely adored.  Up to this point, my brothers and I had the same reading experience (obviously at different times as we are all about two years apart in age).  My older brother stopped reading the books after about a year, but I wanted to continue.  My mother kept me supplied with all kinds of children books and I just kept on reading.  When my younger brother got to that same developmental stage, he stopped reading right where my older brother did.

It's so hard to say goodbye

How do I say goodbye to what we had? 

The good times that made us laugh 

Outweigh the bad. 

I thought we'd get to see forever 

But forever's gone away 

It's so hard to say goodbye to yesterday. 

-It's So Hard To Say Good By To Yesterday by Boys II Men

That was my senior song in High School.  Humorously enough it was almost the theme from Golden Girls (Thank you for being a friend).

I haven't ever given this much thought, but I'm not really good at saying Goodbye.  I rarely say 'goodbye' or even 'bye' when I part company with someone.  Instead I choose terms like "seeya", or "have a good day/'night/time".  Goodbye just seems so permanent.

Thankfully, I haven't had to say goodbye to too many people directly.  There was Charlie, Andy, Greg, Chris, and Bill.  Oh... and Dad.  That is the list of close friends (and Dad) that I've parted ways with.  At one point or another, each of these people were considered to be my 'Best Friend'.  But like many things in life, we eventually parted ways.

Work, Pebble Steel reality, selling Fiona, Music funk, Mother's Day gift

I have a lot on my mind lately, but none of it seems worthy of it's own post... so please forgive me while I just dump out a lot of information.  Maybe after writing all of these things up I'll find a common theme.

First up is work.  I've come to a realization... I'm finally comfortable.  I can now come into work without knowing anything about how my day will go and not worry about what will happen.  Maybe I find that I have a lot of 'standard' appointments.  Annual Health Screens, Exit Interviews, New Transfers, PPD reads, Vital Checks, Scheduled Injections... nothing but standard procedural appointments.  Maybe I find that I have a bunch of 'non standard' appointments.  Call outs with patients having complaints like "my back hurts", or "I have this spot on my penis that's scaring me", or "I have a cold and need someone to tell me it's not going to kill me", or "someone took my bottom bunk away and I hate you for being part of it".  Maybe I find that I am assigned to the Med room (I've been there for the past four days), or even that I've been shuffled off for a day in 4 Block.  Or maybe I even find that I have a full day along with several 'emergency' appointments like 'chest pain', or 'seizure', or 'shortness of breath'.

I am in no way saying that I have nowhere to grow.  I'm not saying that I'm a great nurse and have nothing else to learn.  But the only feeling of 'dread' that I have when I'm driving to work is that I won't live up to my own expectations.  I honestly expected this feeling to take a year or two to develop.

Down with the sickness

I called in sick to work today.

Before any worries surface, I'm just feeling under the weather.  A combination of stomach problems and a nagging headache... although it's always hard for me to say whether a headache is part of a sickness or just one of my many headaches along with a sickness.

As I'm sitting here trying not to vomit, I figured I would put down some thoughts about sick, sickness, and sick time.

I guess first I should explain exactly what i'm feeling.  Since I woke up this morning, my stomach has been rumbling.  At first I just thought I was hungry as it rumbles in the exact same way.  But after about an hour, that sensation went away.  What replaced it was a simple dull ache in my belly.  I imagine this is what if feels like to get gut punched... althought I've never been gut punched so I really don't know.  It certainly isn't something acute... it's an ache, but not a true pain.  Around 11am, I decided to pack my dinner for work and make some lunch.  I prepared three fried eggs and some toast.  As soon as a forkful of eggs made it past my lips though... the nausea began.

Secret 'Stache

About six weeks ago I started an experiment.  I started growing facial hair.  Ever since I grew my first precious few whiskers, I've always shaved completely clean.  I never did this for a particular reason other than that I had a clean face before and no need to experiment with a mustache, beard, or other facial hair combinations.

The few times I thought about growing out some facial hair, I was reminded that no one in my family has ever successfully worn facial hair.  I recall my dad when he would go on a week or two vacation and not shave at all.  The results?  He had some sparse whiskers that looked more like a connect the dots drawing, rather than a true outline of facial hair.

Neither of my grandfathers wore facial hair, and I recall one grandfather saying that he didn't wear one because it didn't grow out fully.  Both of my brothers have facial hair... but it never looked right to me.  My younger brother wears a mustache.  He hasn't cut the hair above his upper lip since he was 18.  My older brother never fully shaves off his facial hair, instead he just trims it down every few weeks.  Even if he didn't trim it down, he has the same problem that my father had.... it doesn't all connect.   So with this genetic information running through me, why give this a try?

Mom's Heart and other notes

So I received quite the scare this past Friday night.  Coming out of work I went about my normal routine... get into the car, start her up, grab my phone out of the storage bin, turn it on, and start to drive out.

Now, when my phone turns on (techn...


Gotta run, she's going in for her Echo and Heart Cath now.

To Be Continued.

----

Sorry about that.  Just as I was beginning to write up this post, I got a call from my Aunt saying that they were taking Mom in for her Echo.  I dropped everything and went in to be with her (as much as you can be with someone during that particular exam.  I am now writing this up on Tuesday the following day and she's had both the Echo and the Cath.  The good news is that they found no new physical defects.  Her cardiac arteries are fine (as fine as they can be on someone with a triple bypass and with three internal stents), and her ejection fraction is good.  The bad news... they have no idea what caused her defibrillator to go off.

City of Broad Shoulders

I talked recently about how a couple friends and I are planning on a trip together.  Those plans have been put on the back burner for awhile as one of those friends recently moved his entire family from the friendly confines of Michigan to the unknown and seemingly unfriendly Texas (just outside of Dallas).

We collectively figured that after going through the whole ordeal of packing up the family and transplanting them far away from any family, friends, or other support structures that he might need some time to get his new house to feel like 'home'.

The other point on our friend triangle was still, however, biting at the bit to travel and get together with friends.  I guess that's fair, as the recently moved friend and I have lived close enough to each other that we saw one another several times a year.  He, on the other hand has always been far away.  So a couple weekends ago, he invited me to Manhattan.  He was going to be there on business and figured we could have a good time around his scant few hours of required work.

At first blush, I thought this was a great idea.  I've been to New York city once, but that was as a child.  I've never experienced the Big Apple as an adult.  But he invited me with a single day of lead time.  This was after a bad week of work and frankly I would have been a horrible travel mate.  I ended up begging off and promised that the next weekend I had off, I'd come down and visit him (his current base of operations is in North Carolina).

Dental Tripping

As I begin writing this post I should be pulling up to work and parking my car.  You see, my shift starts in 15 minutes.  Why am I not there?  Well hopefully the image I used to illustrate this post gives you a good idea.

No, I didn't have one of my incisors removed.  But yes, I did have one of my molars extracted.  Number 19 if I'm being specific (although I don't know the numbering system and just overheard this from the dentist and his assistant.

Unfortunately this was my very first trip to a dentist's office.  Along with health insurance, vision insurance, paid sick days and all other manner of benefits, when I got hired into the state I also got Dental insurance.  According to the receptionist, it seems to be fairly good dental insurance too.  The total cost of having this emergency visit (including the visit, extraction, and the prescription antibiotics and pain meds), was just under $40.  I really don't have any idea what dental visits should cost, but before I went I made sure to know what I had in my checking account (about $1400), and what was available on my credit card (about $2400).  I actually was ready to pay all of that ($3800) AND ask for a payment plan on the remaining balance.

Like I said... I have no idea what dental visits cost.  But to rid myself of that pain, I was willing to pay just about anything.

Going back to 8s, and looking for a new watch

So I talked to my supervisor yesterday.  I told her that I was done with the 12 hour shifts, and that on the next schedule (starting in about 3 weeks) I want to move back to 8 hour shifts.

I honestly went into the 12 hour shifts with open eyes.  I knew that no perceived 'benefit' is free.  For all the good and glory that my 12 hour shift co workers talked about, there would be bad things weighting it down.

Before I get into the nitty gritty, I should pause and say this.  If me working 12 hour shifts benefited me overall, benefited my co-workers, or benefited my employer, then I would have no problem staying on this shift.  It's not exactly what I want, but I can certainly deal with it.

But that's just it... it doesn't benefit anybody.  Let's look at all three of those groups in turn.  First up.. Co-workers.

So I got mom a new car

She finally accepted my offer!

That's right... after posting about it in late February, I talked to Mom again about buying her a new car.  She of course balked, giving variation on the same reasons to not accept it... she didn't want to rely on me or my brothers, and she didn't want to hurt my finances.

It seems I made a good case against both of those reasons.  I simply put it in this way;  She wasn't relying on us and the only reason she couldn't afford a new car now was the fact that she had been helping me out so much.  As for my finances... I actually broke out my spreadsheet showing what money I have coming in and what money I  have going out.  It's pretty black and white that I could afford this.

So the first thing we had to do after she accepted the offer was figure out what she wanted.  I don't mean what model or make of car... I mean what features would make her enjoy the new car.  First and foremost was fuel efficiency.  She was sick and tired of putting so much damn gas into the van.  She also wanted to retian as much utility as she could.  She was used to the versatility of having a mini van.  Surprisingly she wasn't all that interested in some of the newest 'toys' that you can get in car.  Touch screens, navigation, keyless entry with push button start.  In fact her list of wants when it comes to tech is some of the most basic features... cruise control, power windows, air conditioning.  That made it simple as every car we would look at would include those 'toys' as standard.