Down with the sickness

I called in sick to work today.

Before any worries surface, I'm just feeling under the weather.  A combination of stomach problems and a nagging headache... although it's always hard for me to say whether a headache is part of a sickness or just one of my many headaches along with a sickness.

As I'm sitting here trying not to vomit, I figured I would put down some thoughts about sick, sickness, and sick time.

I guess first I should explain exactly what i'm feeling.  Since I woke up this morning, my stomach has been rumbling.  At first I just thought I was hungry as it rumbles in the exact same way.  But after about an hour, that sensation went away.  What replaced it was a simple dull ache in my belly.  I imagine this is what if feels like to get gut punched... althought I've never been gut punched so I really don't know.  It certainly isn't something acute... it's an ache, but not a true pain.  Around 11am, I decided to pack my dinner for work and make some lunch.  I prepared three fried eggs and some toast.  As soon as a forkful of eggs made it past my lips though... the nausea began.

Now I've experienced various kinds of nausea.  From being honest to god sick, to the flu, to emotional strain, to falling down and having the impact absorbed by my belly.  All of these variations on a theme feel similar, but they also have their own expression.  Today it feels like being sick.  My stomach is boiling and changing and all together being unsettling.  I continued on eating for a bit hoping that it was just some transient feeling and that it would go away.  But with each bite, it intensified.

After half a dozen bites I had to stop as there was now an ever growing chance that I was going to vomit.  The thing that made this a little different than other nauseated times was that at the same time I was also still hungry.  I wanted to eat... the food tasted good and I was hungry... but I also needed to stop.  It's really quite a strange sensation.

I didn't end up finishing the meal and instead cleared the table and tidied up the kitchen,  The nausea found a new median but continued to fluctuate.  One moment I'm planning out the path I'll need to take as I dive into the bathroom, while the next it feels like it's almost completely gone.  I glance over at the clock and notice that it's now 11:45.  And that's disturbing.  If I prepared, ate, and cleaned up after a full lunch it should take me about 30 minutes.  This has now taken about 45... and it felt like 10.  I knew then and there that I would be calling in sick to work as this feeling was consuming almost all of my concentration.

I've had jobs where I would have still gone in feeling like this.  But with this job I feel more obligated to call in when I feel that I can't provide my full attention to work.  There are just to many chances for that inattention to hurt my patients.  And considering it's a prison it could also hurt me and/or my coworkers.  So even though I give myself a good chance to be feeling fine in a few hours... I still called in.

Now as far as feelings of sickness goes, this isn't all that bad.   Yes, I am still keeping a mental map handy so that I can quickly and easily navigate my way to the bathroom, but I've felt 'sicker' in the past.  If I had to guess, I'd say that I ate something bad and it's just not sitting well with me at the moment.   Last night we had a burrito dinner which consists of ground beef with some simple taco seasonings, shredded cheese (Colby Jack if you must know what type), sour cream, canned sliced black olives, halved grape tomatoes, and some Chi-Chi's brand hot salsa.  All of this was prepared on some soft corn tortillas.  If I actually had to put money on it, I would suspect the sour cream as either having gone bad, or just not mixing well with it's food counterparts and making a ruckus in my belly.

So compared to honest to God being sick... this isn't really all that bad.  I have no congestion, no coughing or sneezing, no extra mucus, no sore throat.... nothing beyond the nausea.  I still feel justified in calling in sick to work though as I don't believe I could perform my job duties.  It's an odd feeling though calling in now a days.  For really the fist time in my life, I have "Sick Time".  That means that as I'm sitting here thinking this through and writing it up for this blog... I'm getting paid.  I won't financially feel any effect from this calling in at all.  For awhile while working for the event photography company, I was on salary, so calling in sick then was about the same thing.... I still got paid.  But it was also different as I only called in sick once.  You see that was a simple office job and I didn't need nearly as much concentration to do my job.  I could go in for a normal 9 hour day work slowly and methodically with plenty of breaks to just hang out near t he toilet, and still get some work in.  If I eventually had to leave... well I left.  The work I was doing could easily wait for the next day.

But at the prison my job duties can't wait.  Today for instance I am fairly sure that I was going to be in the med room.  So at 7pm I needed to start popping meds into little cups and handing them out to the prisoners.  If I got too suck to do that.... well tough shit.  The job HAD to be done and there wouldn't be someone else that could step in to finish the task.  Sure, I could at that point call up my supervisor and have her find a replacement, but at best they would be there in about a half hour. That's a half hour of medline that wouldn't go.  That's dozens (if not hundreds) of inmates getting upset.   And trust me... we never want to upset the inmates en-mass.  And even if my patients weren't inmates, it's still withholding medical care from my patients.  The meds I"m passing range form the every day oral diabetic meds and cholesterol medications to anti-seizure medication and anti-psychotic medication.

I just.... I don't know... feel guilty?  I know that I'm not THAT sick... that more than likely by the time 7pm rolls around that I'll be able to complete my task.  Sure, I might not feel 100%, but I could still do it.  I just don't dare take a chance.  So instead of possibly telling my supervisor at the last minute that I would need to go home, I call in.  This gives her time to find a replacement for me and have them in place.

The other concern I have with calling in sick is actually using my sick time.  According to the union contract, I earn four hours of sick time every pay period.  I can use that sick time for any time that I myself and am sick or for any direct relative.  So if my child (my at the moment imaginary child), parent, spouse (also imaginary), or sibling is sick I can take sick time.  If I have to take a day or two off to have surgery that would also be sick time.

Beyond banking the sick time to use if a serious illness takes me out, there is another incentive.  I'm eligible to sign up for long term disability, but the price of it is determined by how much sick time I have in the bank.  Once I have at least 148 hours of sick time it becomes reasonably priced.  Before that though, it's prohibitively expensive.  So if I never use any sick time I should get to that price point in about 18 months.  Sadly I keep using my sick time.  I've called in sick once before with an honest to God cold.  It was during my weekend off so I only had to take a single day (being sick on your weekend off sucks by the way!).  I called in sick after I had my tooth extracted (it turns out I could have worked, but like now I was thinking it better to be safe than sorry).  I also called in sick when my Mom was getting out of the hospital.

Right now I should have about 50 hours of sick time.  I think after calling in today I have about 8.

I actually wish that I could call in sick and simply not get paid for the day.  Banking the sick time is actually more valuable to me than the $200 or so I'll make today.

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Damned crooked wisdom teeth!

Speaking of the tooth extraction... I finally got in for a full dental exam.  I swear if they took any more x-rays I would have been glowing.  After the x-rays the dentist came in and looked around at everything, poked my teeth and gums, and finally said that it wasn't  that bad, considering that I haven't been to the dentist before.  He of course recommended a thorough cleaning and said that it might take two visits to get the job done.  He found four cavities that he want's to repair with fillings (another two trips).   He also recommended that I get all of my wisdom teeth pulled.  Two of my wisdom teeth are partially exposed, while the others haven't borken through the gums at all.  And sadly all four of my wisdom teeth are growing in crooked... they are all pushing up against the molars next to them.

He did say that the wisdom tooth extractions could wait unless I'm experiencing any difficulties with them.  But he also says that because two of them ARE exposed and that there is no way to get them clean, that they eventually will have problems.  He also recommended doing it under complete anesthesia.

At the time he recommended it, I agreed to go with it, but I would hold off until fall or winter as I would have more sick time (hopefully) and could take the time off more easily.  But the more I think about it, I'm not so sure I want to go with it.  Something in particular he said is sticking with me... "We might as well take them out now.  You really don't want to have a tooth extraction when you are 60!".

Again.. at the time I agreed.  But now that I think about it... that's 20 years down the road.  Sure... they could always cause problems before that.  Hell, they might have problems this year.  But if they only 'might' need to be extracted in 20 years, why should I got through with the pain, recovery, and expense of having them done now?

I have my cleaning scheduled (the first half of it anyway) scheduled for the end of May.  After that I'll schedule to  have some of the fillings done.... so maybe late June?  I think I'll talk to him more about it at that time.  Unless he has a better reason though (or I change my mind in between now and then), I think I'm just going to forego the procedure.  The fillings.... hell yea lets get those done as soon as possible.  My sick rotten tooth that had to be pulled probably started out as a simple cavity!

One thing that kind of struck me as I left... he never talked about a replacement for my missing tooth.  He didn't even mention it other than saying that it was heeling up fine.  I wonder if he plans on talking about it after the fillings.