This should mainly be an update about my vacation and writing my new story, but we'll see.
Migraines
Since I last wrote on October 5th I've had five migraine days. Wait... no. I've had five days WITHOUT a migraine. Nothing has really changed. I did take that vacation down to Dallas and had a migraine on each of the four driving days. The first two heading down weren't too bad as the weather was cloudy and rainy most of the way. It was a mild migraine. On the way back up I was fine for the first day but the second one was a bastard. My head hurt BAD and that made my neck and shoulders hurt BAD and I because of those pains in particular I couldn't find a comfortable driving position. I ended up moving around so much that my whole body ached by the time I got home. That's never happened with Tiffany before.
As for the particulars of driving while having a mild to moderate migraine... thank the Goddess for modern technology. I honestly don't believe I'd have been able to make it without the car shouting out directions to me. I lost my train of thought so many times during the drive that I'd have missed turn after turn after turn. And lemme tell you, missing a turn while driving around Indianapolis, St. Louis, and/or Memphis could be horrible. And not only the step by step directions, but the driving aids. I can't count how many times I lost concentration on driving and had the car push me back into the lane. I noticed far more than normal the car driving itself around corners and reminding me to keep my hands firmly on the wheel. Basically I was one step away from being a passenger in my own car.
I have mixed feelings about that. I mean I guess I'm happy that I CAN take long trips with a migraine. It's not pleasant, but I can get between point A and point B. But to see it affect such a mindless task as driving was disheartening. I need to be able to focus if I ever hope to work again and if a mild migraine makes it difficult to drive down long stretches of highway, then I'll never be able to concentrate enough to be a nurse or nurse manager again.
Anyway, they haven't been too bad or debilitating. Dare I say... I'm growing used to having migraines most of the time?
Other Health
Not much here. I did have my dental cleaning and set an appointment for some of the dental work that I need. I think I'm getting four fillings next week. I told the dentist about the migraines and how much its going to bother me (That drill is going to be absolutely killer, let alone the bright light shining down onto my face). He seemed sympathetic and said I could feel free to bring in sun glasses to wear during the procedure.
I also finally got the call from my primary doctor. It's been fifteen months since I last saw him and he's scheduled my annual visit. Honestly, there isn't much more that I'm going to need to talk to him about. Migraines are fully under the care of my neurologist and Diabetes is firmly under the care of my endocrinologist. I don't think I'm even going to bother mentioning the arm as it's getting better (getting better just as long as it took to get bad). Hopefully I'll get the flu shot if not both the flu and updated covid shot.
Finally, I also have a visit coming up with my endocrinologist. I've noticed my blood glucose has been riding higher and higher. I'm not sure if that's from stress eating or if its just time to up my insulin. I'm also considering asking him about the continuous blood glucose monitors. I currently have the Libre 3 CGM prescribed. They get changed out every other week and are the most advanced version of these on the market. Most CGMs are always monitoring but you have to actively look up the number. In other words if I wan to know what my blood glucose is at eight AM, I pull my phone up, connect it wirelessly, and take a reading. I then have THAT reading. With my current CGM it's constantly taking readings. I still have to look at the reading on my phone, but it has a graph of my blood glucose for every minute of the day. I can see that my snack of pineapple spiked my blood sugar where a snack of crackers and lunchmeat helped keep it smoother for longer. It even compiles the readings and transmits it to the doctor so he can see what my averages were throughout the last three months.
The only problem with my current system is that it costs me $250 every six weeks. When I was working I didn't blink an eye at that. It's convenient and useful for the doctor. But I'm not working right now. Sure, if the money stays the same with the long term disability and paying off all my bills I can actually afford this better than I did while working. BUT, what if that money dries up? Can I afford $2100 a year for convenience?
Finances
Not much to say here. The LTD is continuing. I got paid on the 15th and 31st of October and have no reason to not expect payment on the 15th and 30th of November.
Right now I'm just waiting for my 45 day waiting period to come and go so that I can dip into my 401k and pay off my car and credit cards. We'll see how that turns out.
Family/Friends
It was SO great seeing both A and E. E flew in to Dallas on Friday the 20th and was there until Monday the 23rd. We didn't do anything spectacular but just hanging out was great.
Spending a further week with A and his family was... fine? It was nice to be in a different place with different people and a different routine. But if I'm honest, I don't like kids. A's children C and S are aged 13 and 11 respectively. They're right at that annoying stage where it seems like they should be more adult, but just aren't. And J, A's wife, works from home. It was nice to have someone to talk to and be with, but if I'm honest I was kind of looking forward to pure alone time. I wasn't planning anything untoward in their house, but I wanted to have my morning coffee and computer time, maybe some youtube time, some reading.... stuff like that. Instead, I had J chatting at/with me the entire day until the kids got home from school. By the time A got home from work he was beat so it was dinner, a bit of TV, then they were off to bed.
The real bummer was the last weekend. The first weekend was A, E, and I all hanging out. Monday through Friday was mostly hanging out with J and hanging out with the kids with A just in the evenings. I wanted to hang out with A on the weekend (he said he wanted to look at off road camper trailers and that could be fun), but Saturday we went to S's volleyball game which took most of the day, and Sunday J took S to the mall for like five hours leaving A and I with C. If you don't remember, C is extremely autistic so the things we can do with him are incredibly limited. Driving long distances, going to crowded places, going to loud places, being outside for too long... those are all off the lists. So we stayed home and watched TV.
But don't let that complaint take away from just how great it was to take this vacation. It might have only been 13 days total and I might have had migraines on most of the days, but it was entirely rejuvenating.
Family wise, R and B are well. As are B's family. Mom had a pretty bad cold and we were all afraid it was a return of her H.Pylori infection but the tests say its not that. So, it's another thing her doctor is working on. In a little scary turn, R texted me and B Saturday night saying that Mom was having a bad episode. Bad headache, chest pain, and "not feeling right". I've learned as a nurse that when a patient says they don't feel right, you take it seriously. Of course when I get this information, I'm about 1500 miles away. I helped as much as I could. I gave advice on how R should care for her and signs to look out for. I also told him that if he even suspected she'd need to go to the hospital he was to call me immediately, day or night. There are flights home most of the time and I could be there in hours. Thankfully she felt better the next day, but it was still a scary reminder that time away is just that... away. It's both good and bad.
Entertainment
The vacation got in the way of the scary movie fest, but it left a lot of them for me to watch next year.
One thing I enjoy listening to is podcasts. With an hour long commute, I can get through quite a few podcasts each week and have list of about a dozen that I listen to regularly. Sadly that's mostly in the past as I only listened to them while commuting. But I figured this vacation would be a good send off as I could listen to a lot of them. It's around a 16 hour drive each way to and from Dallas. In the past I broke that up between podcasts, music, and an audio book. I figured there was no reason to rock the boat and set up the same trifecta of driving entertainment.
The music part was reduced quite a bit. Sadly, when my hearing is overly sensitive the music is rough to listen to at anything approaching normal driving volume (I normally rock out at near full volume for music). Not to worry though as I had a ton of podcasts to catch up on including a bunch regarding College Football. Those are timely podcasts meaning I can listen to them now or not listen to them at all. Next week they're out of date.
The book was a bit problematic though. I'd just given up on reading the Wheel of Time books and decided it was time to re-read the entire Stephen Kind Dark Tower book series. When I was just about finished with the first book, Stephen King came out with a new book; Holly. As it might take me months and months to read all of the Dark Tower books, I paused reading it and picked up Holly. Its not a particularly long book and I was about halfway through it when the vacation came up. So, I could either get the audio book of Holly and continue 'reading' it on the road or get the audio books of the first two Dark Tower books (The Gunslinger and The Drawing Of The Three). Holly seemed like the best bet initially as I'd continue it non stop, but often I've found that audio books don't quite jibe with the reading tone in my head. It can be jarring when I'm reading it in a particular voice and tone and the narrator of the book reads it in a different voice and tone. And as Holly is more of a mystery, I thought that might be particularly jarring.
Sadly, that left the Dark Tower books. I say sadly as I only had about an hour's worth of the first book left out of the 16 hour audio book. That meant I'd have to buy the second one, which itself was another 16 hours. I figured I'd get about halfway through it and then have to find my place in the book when I picked it back up (after finishing Holly).
Oh boy, lemme tell you, I remember why I loved these books! Much like reading them the first time and not being able to put the book down, I couldn't stop listening. My normal operating procedure when listening to a podcast or audio book is to stop and move over to music when I'm going through rough traffic or exiting/entering the highway. I want my focus entirely on driving at those points and focusing even part of myself on the book/podcast is bad. This time though, I was actually bypassing stops just to keep listening to the book. I was out of beverages, needing to pee, and running the car on fumes and I still didn't want to pull off the highway. The story is that good.
Needless to say, I actually finished The Drawing of the Tree on my drive. It's SUCH a good book and I can't wait to pick up the next book in the series (The Wastelands).
New Tech
Well, on my vacation I took my Pixel Tablet, my HP Chromebook, and my Steam Deck with me. The tablet was nice as it was an easy way to have access to my nightly music just like at home. Other than that, I didn't really use it as the phone's screen is just big enough to not warrant another only slightly larger screen. The Steam Deck? I used it twice. Both times to show off to A and to E. Yeah, I'm not sure I'll get any use out of it. I'm wondering if my friends or nephews would like it.
The Chromebook was nice. It's almost exactly what I'd want in a laptop. Good speakers, good screen, touch screen, good solid materials, backlit keyboard. The only problem is the fact that it's ChromeOS and not Windows. One thing I wanted to do on it was update my migraine journal. Every day I have a migraine I write down the date, and score out the pain/light-sensitivity/sound-sensitivty/disorientation/blurry-vision. I keep this in an Excel scpreadsheet and share it via my OneDrive account.
First, getting into my OneDrive requires my password. I can use my password manager on the chromebook but it's not as built in as on windows. So that's a pain. Once I'm into OneDrive, I can't use Excel. I CAN save the file and open it in Google Sheets, but then it wouldn't save back to OneDrive, meaning it would be different on my homecomputer and phone. With that much going around and around its' just easier to open it up on my phone... which isn't easy but is at least doable. I swear, I want to get an equivilant windows laptop to replace the chromebook. BUT, I really have to let reason win out here. First, the chromebook cost me less than $400 and it's a NICE one. To get an equivalent windows laptop would cost closer to $700 and likely near $1000. And while I used the chromebook every day while I was on vacation, at home I just simply use it when we play D&D and it works just fine for that. I really can't justify spending even $700 just so that my portable computer experience will get 5% better.
Speaking of computer upgrades, I REALLY want to upgrade my desktop. This time its not graphics as my 4090 is still top of the line. No, this time it's the processor. The CPU. I'm tired of this AMD bullshit taking so long to load. It may only be 30 seconds, but I was used to loading in 7 seconds. And ever since I upgraded the bios "for security reasons" I can't restart. I can shut down, wait, and re-boot the system but I can't tell windows to restart. It'll just hang and not ever fully shut down. But if I were to get this done the cheapest way possible, it would be getting a new motherboard, processor and RAM (it's sad that RAM is now optimized for the processor meaning different RAM for AMD and Intel). I'd also need some new thermal paste as I'd have to clean off the AIO when I removed it.
If I'm lucky, with this new equipment in hand, the change over process won't be too bad. Unplug all the wires, remove the AIO (leaving the radiator and fans in place), remove the video card and M.2 drives, pull the motherboard/processor out, put the new motherboard in, find and put on the back plate for the AIO (there will be an Intel specific one), put the new processor in, clean off the AIO, put it on, put the new RAM in, put the M.2 drives in, put the video card in, hook up all the power and fans, and boot it up. Once it's able to boot, I'd then go into the bios and make sure the RAM and processor were up to speed as well as all the fan curves were set, then backup all my data, format the main drive, and clean install windows so that there were no conflicts between the AMD and Intel portions of windows. I might be able to go without reinstalling windows, but I'm close to doing that anyway.
Looking at that.. yeah, that's all if there aren't any problems. What if the cables need to be re-run? They're professionally installed and would be a pain to pull out and re-route. What about connecting the control box for the NZXT lights and fans? And of course, what about any warranty I have on this system? And the cost for those few components would be about $1500 as the price of motherboards has skyrocketed.
A modern NZXT build would cost about $3800. A really sweet Falcon Northwest mini ITX system that still fits a 4090 would cost just under $5000. Pulling out an extra $5000 from my 401k is practically nothing.
Insurance
I still haven't heard back from the state on the disability benefits. I guess I'm going to have to contact them. I hate these types of contact though as I have to find an intelligent way to say "What the hell is going on?"
You're Not The Boss Of Me
I've found it very satisfying to write lately. I spent several hours yesterday typing away and think I might get a similar result today. I wrote more about it on my main blog and think I'll keep the updates there. But if there's anything more personal about writing, I'll be sure to include a post here or at least put it into an update.
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