The 'NO' Man

It seems I have a new nickname at work.  A few nurses have been jokingly calling me this for awhile, but I actually heard our physician say this to me just a couple days ago.  I am evidently now known as...

The 'NO' Man.

I know from this and my blog that a 'NO' Man could be quite the funny.  But no, they don't know anything about Caitlyn or my femme proclivities.  No, what they're referring to is my capability to look a patient in the eye and simply tell him No.

Can I have some Tylenol?  No.  Can I have a bottom bunk detail?  No.  Can I have a base unit detail?  No.  Can I get some softer shoes?  No.  Can I see the doctor?  No.  Can I not be charged for this visit?  No.  Can I see a different nurse?  No.

No.

It's really quite simple to say, especially when it's not coming from a point of malice.  And I honestly don't work from a point of malice.  I don't want to hurt anybody or piss anybody off or not provide someone with medical care.  But I saw a facebook meme recently that seems to fit my work persona quite righteously:

I'm so sick of work

I think I might be having trouble at work.  I have a pretty good job with good benefits.  At my current level of experience I get 4.7 hours of annual leave and 4 hours of sick time each and every pay period.  So more or less, each month I get a day off of work if I'm sick or have other health concerns.

I put it that way because I can use 'sick time' for preplanned medical procedures.  I used sick time when I had my wisdom teeth pulled.  I used sick time when my mother had an procedure done at the hospital.  And of course there's the more often used... calling in sick to work (or as I use it, going home early because I'm sick).

Now I know everybody is an individual and comparing something like this to other coworkers isn't exactly a good idea.  But it's about all I have.  My coworkers have a LOT of sick time built up.  Enough so that when we're fully staffed and slow they'll use their sick time to go home early instead of their annual leave.  They do it regularly enough that our supervisor would ask 'OK, who has a headache?' instead of 'OK, who wants to go home?'.

Many of them also have long term disability and that comes in two price points.  You pay full price for it until you have 130 hours of sick time in the bank, then you get a steep discount.  If you never used sick time, that should take you about a year to build up.  Most of my coworkers have that steep discount as they've collected well over 130 hours of sick time.

So... I bought a dildo.

I thought long and hard (go ahead... laugh at the unintended double entendre) about where to post this.  The Masks blog or here.  I mean, is this Caitlyn or Calvin?  And I guess the best answer is that it's both.  And since I'm pulling 'Calvin' out of the 'Caitlyn' blog, I figure it should go over here.

But fair warning;  this is sexual and fetish and fantasy and open and honest.  I'm blushing right here and now just imagining what i'm going to be talking about and I'm only on the second paragraph.  I guess it doesn't help that I've already titled this post and I've already got that image of the woman in pink sunglasses (mask?) drooling on her dildo.  But anyway.... here it goes.

I posted earlier this month about a road trip I was going to take.  I took it, and it was just as fun and as relaxing as I was hoping for.  I didn't realize just how stressed out I was in just about every aspect of my life.   Work, Home, Friends, Family, Fantasy, Calvin, and Caitlyn.  I was stressed out and needed a break.  So the two days driving down was a good partial relaxation.  I felt the stress just melt away the two days I was with A and his family.  That left the two days driving back and that was... well, it was eye opening.

On The Road Again!

So I've found over the last few years that I really REALLY like traveling.  I mean I honest to god LOVE to travel.  Drive or fly, it doesn't really matter as they both have their own level of adventure.  I'm now constantly considering trips to make and/or thinking about my next vacation.

(Quick break here... I swear, the song that just came up on iTunes.... Radar Love by Golden Earring!)

Anywho, I like to travel.  Last year ended with a drive down to Dallas in early December.  This year began with a drive over to Detroit for the car show (North American International Auto Show).  I knew I was going to plan another few trips as well as some smaller side trips, but the long ones take planning.  Planning and Vacation time.  I've found out that it's actually quite rare for us to be fully staffed, so it can be hard to just 'take time off'.  It's not that the supervisor at work is mean and won't give it... but if we don't have another person to just cover my shift and they have to utilize overtime, it's a hard no. Thankfully between the Civil Service Commission and the Union, we have our twice annual vacation book.  In April and October we pass around a book and we get to lay claim to any days off we want.  Well... any days where someone more senior hasn't already laid claim (it goes around in order of seniority), and any days that you'll have enough vacation time for.

Musak Blues

I’ve had trouble as of late getting into new music.  At the very same time, I’m having trouble enjoying my own collection of music.  I WANT new music, but none of it is making me happy.  I’ve been using iTunes for my music since late 2003 and have purchased 875 pieces of music from them.  Here’s how that breaks down by year:

2003 – 8 (My first purchase was November 24^th of that year!), 2004 – 87, 2005 – 125, 2006 – 104, 2007 – 102, 2008 – 65, 2009 – 47, 2010 – 56, 2011 – 42, 2012 – 60, 2013 – 57, 2014 – 36, 2015 – 37, 2016 – 31

2017 – 16

Obviously the first few years I went a little crazy on purchasing music.  And simply by the numbers, this year is on track to be average for the last few years.  But here’s the rub.  This year PI purchased one song in January, one song in February, 11 songs on May 25^th, and 3 songs in the past couple days.  Most years I have a steady stream of new music.  I might go a month or two without something new, but not this long.  And that big burst of new music in May?  8 of them were from artists that I already knew and was simply exploring their back catalog. 

Goodbye Ginger, Hello Isabella

So back in November I posted my thoughts about my next car.  I was hyped about getting a lease and finally getting into smaller payments for a better car.  Well yesterday morning I finally took that leap.  The decision making processes to get here was tough though as I have had two leading drives for my cars;  fun vs goodness.  And I just kept sliding between those two drives.

Up until Fiona I had such a small budget for cars that I really just had to take what was available at that time.  When I got the Black Shadow of Death and Bellulah I wasn't looking for a fun car.  When I got Belinda and Lita I wasn't looking for a good car.  Those were just the best cars available when I was stuck looking for new cars.  But in 2013 when I had the opportunity to get a much newer car with a much bigger budget, I consciously made the decision to get a fun car.  I was considering the Hyundai Veloster, the Chevy Sonic, the Ford Fiesta, and of course what I ended up with, the Ford Focus.

Now, like any spectrum it wasn't JUST about fun.  With that purchase I was looking at two hours of driving a day so gas mileage was really important as was basic creature comforts.  A good stereo, comfortable seat, and techy toys.  But the reason I got Fiona was that gorgeous Yellow Blaze paint job.  For a year and a half I had a mile wide grin every time I walked out to see Fiona there waiting for me.

But after that year and a half I realized I could afford a lot more car.  Reason started to take over and I wanted a more 'mature' car.  Something that would look all adult and proper if I drove up to a job interview or meeting.  As I didn't want to lose out on the gas mileage and most small cars are on the fun size, I went with a Fusion Hybrid.  Ginger.  So long as I was driving that long every day, Ginger made the most sense.  Seriously, there wasn't another car that could do what she did without soaring costs in fuel.  Then the local job came up.

Hi There!

Hello World.  If you're just stepping in here for the first time, let me explain what exactly you're seeing here.

I have a blog called Caitlyn's Masks.  I create and share stories, illustrated stories, and captioned image stories that all relate to TG or transgenderism.  It's... well to be frank... it's graphic.  At it's most polite it can be called erotic fiction.  At it's most overt it can be called porn.

Anyway, I started that blog years ago and have a feminine persona to go along with it.  Caitlyn.  But I'm not Caitlyn... or I guess to put it most clearly, I'm not JUST Caitlyn.  I'm a guy.  When I started the blog I was at a dark time in my life.  I didn't realize it at the time, but I was grasping at straws to find something to like, enjoy, love, and participate in.  I was dirt poor.  I had recently given up a career that with the schooling involved took up over a decade of my life, and was going back to school to start a new career.

When I finally got that job, when I got the chance to start my life again... I lost something.  I lost Caitlyn for awhile.  But I had such good relationships with the people I'd met as her that I wanted to continue to share with them.  I couldn't share the TG side of my life because that all but disappeared... but I could share the rest of my life.  Calvin's side of life.  The only problem is that I was incredibly nervous about someone in my alternate life (other people call it Real Life) would find this more open exploration of 'me' and connect the dots.  I could just picture a family member stumbling upon this new blog, connecting the dots, and realizing that this is in fact me.  And then following those breadcrumbs further back and finding...

Is it time?

So I'm fairly sure I'll be moving out of this home soon.  Soon being within the next year or so.

Before I go into the whys, whens, wheres, and such I should probably give a quick history.  I think I've talked a bit about this before (I mean you know I lived in Chicago right?), but I'm not sure I ever laid it all out straight.

I was born in this house.  Well...okay, not born in this house, but when I was born this is the house that Mom and Dad brought me 'home' to.  Mom and Dad had bought it just before my older brother was born in 1972.  I stayed here through all of my childhood and into young adulthood.  I spent two years at the local community college and never really gave much thought to moving out during those two years.  For a solid year (not just the school year), I moved away for the first time to college.

That was up at Ferris State University in Big Rapids Michigan.  If you've never heard of it, don't even worry... it's the smallest of Michigan's 15 State Universities.  I was there for three semesters starting with the summer semester in the dorm.  Yup, dorm life.  Thankfully I had a room all to myself, but there was a shared bathroom with the guys next door.  The next semester I stayed in the dorm but started to hate it.  Thankfully I had a friend at the school (yeah... just one friend), and she had an apartment with two room mates.   One of her room mates moved out and it put them into a bind.  I came to the rescue and moved in with them.

After Ginger...

Since around June of this year, I've had one thought going through my head over and over and over again.  What's my new car going to be?

I know what you're probably thinking;  Yes at this point I've only had Ginger (my 2015 Ford Fusion Hybrid Titanium) for 21 months.  Not even 2 years.   But when I purchased Fiona (my 2012 Ford Fusion Titanium)  I wasn't sure I could afford a brand new car.  I bought her used.  When I purchased Ginger I could afford brand new, but because of the miles it would be a purchase made over 5 years.  And the miles did pile up quick.  In the 9 months that I drove an hour to and from work five days a week I put 20,000 miles on her.  In the 1 year since taking this new local job I've only put an additional 5,000 miles on.

Put those together... and I can now lease a car.  If my car's trade in value is at or lower than what I owe on it, I could drive off the lot in a 2 year newer version of my car and end up paying hundreds of dollars less for three years.  And at the end of those three years I'd be free to pick out a new one and have similar payments for another three years.

Now as a far younger man, I hated the idea of a lease.  I looked at it as never owning your car.  The bank or the car company owned it.  You couldn't modify it in any significant way.  You would do nothing but sweat for every single mile driven knowing that you were limited on how many miles you could have.  You'd have to do all the maintenance and be able to prove it was done.

Hate Trumped Love

I'll just start out by saying that I voted for Clinton.  To say I'm disappointed in the election results is to not really understand my state of being right now.  You see, I didn't really want Hillary Clinton as president.  Sure, she's a fine stand in for a fairly conservative democrat, but she's far to moderate/conservative for my tastes.  I didn't think that Bernie would have done well in a general election, but maybe he would have done just fine.  Maybe this was the year that the liberal call for social and economic justice would have found that broader audience.

Or maybe President Trump was inevitable.

You see, I voted for Clinton not to elevate her to the Presidency but to keep Trump out of it.  I'm not going to go through the list of  disgusting and/or bigoted and/or stupid things he's said.  Instead I want to try to lay out how I think of him as a man.  Because deep down, that's who won.  Not the person they voted for, not the candidate, not the nominee.... the man.

In my view, Donald J Trump... er.... President Elect Donald J Trump wants to 'Win'.  Now you and I can't decide what winning is to this man.  But at his core, he wants to win.  He has the 'best'.... his things are 'huge'.... he's the 'smartest'... over and over and over.  He compares himself to others and declares that he's better.  They're terrible, terrible, people.  He's a good guy.   They lie, he tells the truth.  They cheat, he strives to be true and honest.  They commit crimes, he is the pillar of legality. On and on and on.  There is no comparison that he can't make because he doesn't seem to pull anything from factual objective evidence.