This whole ‘year in review’ idea am from Joanna on her
Happiness blog. I haven’t visited her
site or really any blog in quite some time but this is an idea that I plan to
do as often (annually) as I can. It’s
just a bit of a review of what happened over the last year and a list of
questions. The questions, over time, and
their answers should be telling on how I’m changing. I’m writing this without looking at the
previous answers so they won’t bias my answers now.
Let’s kick this off in the most basic way. 2018 was at best a neutral year. At worst it was a bad year. But as I look back at the posts I wrote,
there was actually quite a bit of good.
The good just happened to be surrounded by several long lasting and
seemingly all-encompassing problems.
Let’s go over the good first. I
took several vacations including another trip to New Orleans, a beer vacation
to Grand Rapids, and another trip to Chicago.
I bought mom a new (to her) car.
I bought myself some new gadgets and toys including a Walkman (digital
of course!), a Google Home Hub, and a whole new computer. I got a new job. I took care of several ongoing health
problems. The bad is a similar list… the
trips to New Orleans, Grand Rapids, and Chicago weren’t as good and/or fun as
previous trips. As gadgets tend to do,
they’re wonderful at first and then just fade into the background. The new job is difficult, far away, and far
FAR more stressful. I took care of the
health problems but it took all year long to do so.
Another big theme for me this year has been Caitlyn. I’m trying to make her a more regular part of
my life. Not just a sexual fetish side
kick or a part of me I explore at D+X and no where else. I told a friend about that side of myself, so
one person in my ‘meat’ world now knows of me that way. But I’m still not open about it. The other big theme was politics. I’m quite liberal in most aspects of my political
leanings, but I’m getting sick and tired of all the liberals thinking anything
and everything President Trump and the republicans or conservatives are doing
is a constitutional crisis or signs of Nazism or racism. We actually need to govern and I want us to
try to work with the other parties involved instead of simply pointing fingers
at them. The Government is shut down and
yes, I believe President Trump is to blame for it but I don’t see the
opposition party putting up anything other than a sound bite on President
Trump’s border wall idea.
Another theme that’s come up in my life but hasn’t really
been discussed here at the blog is financial responsibility. I’m realizing I’m quite bad at it. And it’s going to be a theme for 2019….
Getting better.
The family is mostly okay.
My younger brother was in some financial troubles for much of the year,
but it seems to have been pulled under control.
My older brother is looking forward to retirement and actually saving
money up to buy a house in the UP of Michigan.
Evidently within 10 years he plans on being gone. That’s going to leave me with the house and
getting rid of it because while I hate to admit it, Mom isn’t going to be
around in 10 years. She’s over 70 now
and her COPD is getting worse and worse.
She’s thankfully using her oxygen more to compensate, but it’s not
staying at merely ‘bad’. It’s getting
worse.
If I had to give myself an emotion to describe 2018 it would
have to be anxiety. I’d almost say
depression, but I’m on meds to make sure I don’t fall into depression any
longer. It’s not happy. It’s not joyous. It’s not even just lonely… I’m anxious about
mom, I’m anxious about my career, I’m anxious about my future, I’m anxious
about both of my brothers, I’m anxious about my finances, I’m anxious about my
health. That’s a lot of things I can’t
control, so that’s another reason I want to tackle the finances. Maybe I’ll write about that this weekend…
start the plan making phase.
Anywho, on to the questions!
1.What did you do in 2017 that you'd never done before?
I had a root canal.
Not fun, but it took care of some long-standing dental pain. And sadly it might be repeated in 2019 as I
recently had another crown put on and it aches several days a week.
I also took on a nursing supervisor role at work. I’ve been a nurse for years and I’ve been a
supervisor in several companies, but never both like this. And never a supervisory position for a state
government. MAN there’s a lot of red
tape!
2.Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
I don’t remember if I even made a new year’s resolution last
year. I’ll look in just a second but
first, for 2019 I plan on being more financially responsible. Less “Oh MY GOD where did all that money go?”
and more “Wow, I saved away how much this month?”
Okay, it looks like I didn’t do any resolutions last
year.
3.Did anyone you know give birth?
Nope.
4.Did anyone you know die?
I want to say yes, but it wasn’t anybody close. No close relatives. My Aunt’s health took a very scary turn and I
don’t think she’s long for this world… but she’s not dead.
5.What countries did you visit?
Just the good old fashioned USofA. I got to New Orleans again, Grand Rapids
Michigan for the first time (great beer town!), and Chicago of course. I hope to hit up Dallas again this year and
maybe San Fran. For more local trips, I
hope to have a long weekend in Traverse City and maybe extend that north to Sault
Saint Marie.
6.What would you like to have in 2019 that you lacked in 2018?
A reduction in stress.
Work is such a bitch and it follows me home almost every night. Some of that reduction in stress will
certainly come if I get a handle on my finances.
7.What date from 2018 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
It’s not a specific date, but November 2018. It was the month I went to my new job which
was also the location of my first nursing job.
It also marked my five year anniversary as a state employee (I started 4
months before that as a contract nurse).
8.What was your biggest achievement of the year?
My go to answer should be getting the new job as it’s a big
stepping stone. It’s a transition away
from floor nursing and into management which offers more challenges (different
challenges) and more money. But I’m not
sure this was a good move yet. It’s only
been a few months and I’m still finding my way at work. If I had to put something here that is definitively
good… buying Mom her 2015 Ford Escape Titanium.
She loves it and I’m far more comfortable with her in it (and I use it
twice a week to drive to work myself!)
9.What was your biggest failure?
Giving up on a job that I enjoyed because of another
nurse. I failed. I ran away to a new job instead of dealing
with it. And from what I’ve heard, it’s
been harder at my old job on the nurses I liked because of my absence.
10.Were you seriously ill during 2018?
No? It’s not like I
had to go to the hospital or had a scare… but I wasn’t healthy either. My migraines got a LOT worse and were slowly
dealt with (only 3 migraines in the last 4 months where I had like 3 migraines
in the last week of 2017). My shoulder
was bad and I feared I’d have to have surgery but after almost a year of
physical therapy it’s far far better. I
won’t need surgery, but it’s on the list of ‘bad parts’ like my bad back and
bad eyes.
11.What was the best thing you bought?
Again, the easiest answer is Mom’s car. But that’s just because it was a grand
expensive gift to her. If I take this in
a more personal way, I’d have to say my new computer. It’s not only fast (the ones I built before
were fast too), but it’s the first time I’ve purchased a computer from a
company since 1994 and it has a three year full warranty. (IT’S SO FAST!)
12.Whose behavior merited celebration?
While I’ve been witness to a lot of good behavior, I don’t
think anything stands out as meriting celebration this year. Not from me, not from my friends, not from my
co-workers, not from my family. Good,
just not great.
13.Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
That’s going to be an easy answer for the next couple
years…. President Trump. I won’t even
try to list the things that he’s done that appalls and depresses me. He’s just a terrible person and a horrible
leader.
14.Where did most of your money go?
Car and student loan payments. I don’t see that changing for the foreseeable
future.
15.What did you get excited about?
I’d have to say getting the migraines under control. They really were debilitating and not having
to deal with them or fear them on a daily basis is truly a relief.
16.What songs will always remind you of 2018?
Fast Car by LEO featuring Mary Spender (link to
youtube). It’s so wonderfully emotional
and encapsulates that duality of happiness and sadness I often feel.
17.Compared to this time last year, are you:
Sadder/Happier? About
the same.
Thinner/Fatter?
Fatter. The migraine med makes it
harder to control my weight, but it’s a good trade overall.
Richer/Poorer?
Poorer. When I consider losing my
bonus at my previous job and the raise from the new job I just about make even
money…. But I spend a LOT more on gas and other work expenses.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Pay attention to my finances. Also just love more… love my family, love my
friends, love my co-workers.
19.What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worry. Worry about my
finances and health and family.
20.How will you be spending Christmas?
Umm… I’m writing this after Christmas, so I spent Christmas
as normal with my family.
21.What is the one thing you would have gone back and done differently this year?
I’m not sure. The
answer I want to say is make the last job work instead of moving on to this new
one, but I’m not sold on this being a bad move just yet.
22.Did you fall in love in 2018?
No. ☹
23.Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
No. I did admit to
myself that I hated that nurse at my old job, but I honestly hated her in 2017
too… I just hadn’t accepted it at that time.
24.What was your favorite TV program?
Three shows tie here.
The Orville (hilarious take with an almost serious Star Trek
vibe)
The Handmaid’s tale (wonderful in almost every single way)
Star Trek Discovery (duh, I’m a trekkie!)
25.What was your greatest musical discovery?
IF it can be a single song it would have to be Fade Away by
WE ARE FURY (youtube link). I haven’t
explored their other music, but I was turned onto this song by a woman at D+X
and it’s just a wonderful song. If it
has to be an artist it would have to be Run The Jewels. Their Legend Has it might have been used in a
Black Panther TV ad, but it’s just a bad ass song as is most of their
repertoire.
26.What was the best book you read?
I read several ‘meh’ books that were both long and took an
extra long time to read. If I had to
call one the ‘best’ it would be Stephen King’s short novella Elevation. Good, but nowhere near great.
27.Are you happy with your lot?
Yeah… I guess. I
could be happier to be sure, and I’m not sad about my lot, but instead of
focusing on my happiness I find myself worrying more about how I could make it
better.
28.What did you want and get?
Control over some health problems (migraines and shoulder)
29.What did you want and NOT get?
Mom to be healthier.
30.What was your favorite film of this year?
I’d have to say Annihilation. Really good story and really good
storytelling. There were plenty of good
movies, especially fun action movies, but not a lot of great movies. To be fair, I haven’t seen A Star is Born or Bohemian
Rhapsody, both of which I heard are really great.
31.What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
I turned 44 in 2018.
I worked that day. Nothing
special.
32.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
I have to return to having my health under better
control. Being able to focus on quitting
smoking instead of getting the migraines and shoulder under control.
33.How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2018?
Outside of work there has been no change. I did buy my first pair of tennis shoes since
high school and even wore them a few times… but I don’t like them so I returned
to my loafers. At work I had to switch
from scrubs to shirts and ties and I have to say that is immeasurably satisfying. I think I look good in them and have been
told that I’m the most fashionable person at work by several different
people. Let’s be clear, I work in a
prison so it’s not hard to be ‘fashion forward’ with even a little effort. But it was still nice to be told that!
34.What kept you sane?
D+X. Reading failed
me as there were a lot of ‘meh’ books.
Movies and TV failed me as I have to watch them in such an extended way
(a few minutes before work and then that’s it), and even music failed me. No, it was D+X that kept me sane.
35.Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
I think I’ve used this before, but with our current
President I’ll often and repeatedly be reminded of how much I loved President
Obama. He could have been talking about
the very same policies that President Trump does but he’d do it in such an
eloquent and compelling manner that I’d probably be convinced about building a
border wall.
36.What political issue stirred you the most?
Just the political divide getting so wide and seemingly unfixable. I obviously dislike our current President but
I also dislike his policies. At the end
of the day though, government needs to run and he got elected. We need to work with him and not against
him. That doesn’t mean roll over and
show our belies, but we can’t be the party of ‘no’ that the republicans were
for so many years. Maybe this will
change with the democrats taking over the house, and maybe that ‘blue wave’
will be enough to send President Trump out of office in 2020, but what happens
then? Then we have about half of the
country absolutely hating whomever is in office.
Just think of several political issues and think not only
how you feel about it, but how the other side feels about it: Border Wall?
My side thinks it’s a stupid waste of money and those on the other side
must be racists. The other side thinks
it’s necessary and those on the other side must hate America. Tax Cuts?
We think that they’re unnecessary and in fact rates should rise on the
wealthy and anybody on the other side is hoping to kill off funding for every
other government program by defunding it.
They think that they’re empowering all Americans and that the other side
is hoping to choke off all business and job creators.
It’s not enough that we disagree politically, it’s that we view
the other side as stupid and unamerican.
We need to just stop it and work together for a more common middle
ground. I won’t get the universal
healthcare that I think is needed. I won’t
get the gun control measures that I think will save hundreds of thousands. They won’t get a border wall and the privatization
of social security. Com. Pro. Mise.
37.Who did you miss?
I really missed my Dad.
He’s been gone for so long now that I’d think it would become just a
part of my own sense of self, but I really REALLY missed him this year.
38.Who were the best new people you met/got to know?
My new co-workers. P
and G who work out in the blocks where my ‘office’ is are particularly great
people.
39.Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2018:
There is no getting all of what you want. I’ve now had financial freedom for five years
and I’m more worried about my finances this year than I was six years ago. I have a great car, easily the best I’ve ever
owned… and I want a better one. I have a
great computer but had to give up the ‘quiet’ nature of my last build and want
that back. I want. I want.
I want.
40.Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
This is from my song above “Fade Away” by WE ARE FURY. They use a plural in their lyrics that doesn’t
quite work for me. When I listen to it,
I hear it this way in the singular. When
I hear it, it’s about me:
I'm going numb
Myself and your affections
I'm going numb
Losing my perfections
Don't take it lightly
I could die in the moment
Lost in slow-motion
I could die in the moment
I won't get away this time
No, I wasted all my brighter days
So close your eyes
The storm is coming one last time
My hope is washed away
Now I'm left to stand and watch me fade
Faded away
I watch me fade
And watch me fade
So that’s 2018. Not a
great year in my estimation but not a bad year when I look at it
objectively. I’m the only thing standing
in my own way. The first few months of
2018 seemed to drag on and on and on while the last few months flew by in the
blink of an eye. I think that will
reverse itself as the main reason these last few months have gone by so fast is
the job. I’ll talk more about that in
another post, but basically I don’t get shit done outside of the weekend. And because of that the weekend is so full
that I rarely get to ‘fun’ stuff. Until
I get work better settled in my own head I won’t be able to get a grip on my
personal life.
I peeked at last year’s predictions and one of them has
turned out to be, if not absolutely true then the start of a trend. I had good years and now seem to be paying
for them with bad years. Again, that’s
all on me. My circumstances have
improved, but I’m seeing more cloud and less silver lining.
I hope everybody has a great and wonderful 2019!
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