How can I be more feminine?

I've been thinking quite a bit lately about femininity.  Just to update everybody, I'm queer.  I've only really accepted this definition for myself for the past 18 months.  To me, queer means I am both man and woman.  My gender is not one or the other, it's a gray scale between them.  At times I am completely masculine.  At times I am completely feminine.  My gender preference seems to follow my current gender, so when I'm masculine I'm more attracted to women and when I'm feminine I'm more attracted to men.  

'Ronacation

I never heard back from my HUM on whether or not I'd be able to work from home.  I think some of that may be me inadvertently pissing her off.  We've both talked about people taking advantage of the system we work in.  For instance, if you're a close contact you can choose to follow our new guidelines.  Those are the getting a  temp check twice a day, even when you're not working, and getting an instant test every day.  If you choose not to do that, then you have to sit out for two weeks.  Well, we've had nurses that have been close contacts that have chosen to get their 'Ronacation (a vacation that's paid for because it's created by having exposure to the coronavirus) instead of going through some easy to follow safety measures and coming in to help out.  

'Rona just won't leave me alone

 Damned disease.  I've been having some symptoms of 'Rona, but I've been having various symptoms for months.  A little extra cough here, a little sore throat there.  Nothing big.  Especially since at work we've been tested every week since September.  All negative results.  Well, this week I was a little extra paranoid. 

Voting 2020

I posted a cap on my other blog and in the comments couldn't resist a call to go out and vote.  And once I stated down that path, I also let out that I'd be voting for Biden/Harris.  I should have left politics out of it as I'd like my other blog to be a friendly loving place for those wanting to see the wretched transformation and feminization of unwilling men into sex slaved women.  :)  But seriously, politics is it's own thing and doesn't belong as a tag on for another post.  The perfect example is a comment I got over there that I want to respond to, but who is going to read it and maybe even respond to it when its attached to a post about a guy getting transformed unwillingly then willingly into a woman to the tones of "OMG What's Happening" by Ava Max and "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor.  So, instead of responding there, I'll write up my post here as a fully political post.  

Voting Time!

 I guess this will be just a bunch of mini updates as I have a lot of things to talk about, but not a lot to say about any of them. 

You (I) should be sad

I've talked about being sad before.  I've talked about having a Caitlyn side and how that affects me before.  I don't think I've ever talked about my Caitlyn side effecting or being affected by my sadness before.  Now, before I get to far into this I need to clear up how I think of myself.  I now accept that my feminine 'side' is a journey.  From 10 years ago when I started my Caitlyn's Masks blog and was an avowed heterosexual man with a fetish fantasy to now where I consider myself queer with a masculine side and a feminine side.  It's not static.  I don't think I'll consider myself in the same way 10 years from now.  But I no longer consider 'Caitlyn' a side or separate part of my conciousness... its just me under this skin.  Sometimes I'm feminine.  Sometimes I'm masculine.  Sometimes I'm both, sometimes I'm neither.  Language just doesn't quite cover how I feel and know I am, so forgive me if I stumble over words.  

'Rona

 

Why do I find COVID-19.... coronavirus... so fucking scary?  I see people I know, people I trust, throwing caution to the wind.  Going out, having fun, traveling, being with family, being with friends.  Meanwhile I'm holed up in my dead aunt's house, not going out anywhere other than work, the store to buy groceries, or the gas station to fill up Nina.  Am I being too cautious?  Are they being too flippant?  Lets look at it together and maybe come up with the right way to look at it.  

Diabetes Can Kiss My Ass!

 

Its such a small change on my health record.  One new medicine right.  I mean come on, I already take 12 different medications, what's one more?   But this is a big one.  It's bigger and worse than a high blood pressure pill or a statin for cholesterol.  It's smaller and better than chemotherapy.  

I am now on insulin.  

Yeah, I already got a MacBook

Remember way back a week ago when I said "It's not something I'm going to do, but it IS something I'm going to keep considering.  Don't be surprised if I talk about my 'new' Mac soon".... yeah, soon came a lot sooner than even I expected.  

Big and small updates

Lots of changes going on here.  The home situation, a new watch, considering a new computer, work and the nurse who just doesn't understand, setting up a smart home by destroying a smart home, music in the car leading to a cell phone service change, disappointment in my story and the crushing feeling that has on my creativity, continued COVID craziness... maybe some more as I go along.